Hi All,
I talked to easy child son, C, last night. The gist of the situation is that difficult child had agreed to go with C and R (the person who C is staying with now). They told her she could not go back to the apt. where she'd been living with boyfriend, they were going to lock it down. They told her to stay in the car and when they came back she was gone. No one has heard from her since Tuesday night--so she has gone with boyfriend.
I actually am glad for C that it happened this way. He can have a clear conscience--he knows he did everything he could to help difficult child and she just wouldn't accept the help. I am so glad she didn't actually move in with him and then get in contact with boyfriend. Now no one knows where C is living. He can get on with his life and not have difficult child and her baby to take care of and not have to put up with all her ****. He is happy where he is living and he has a good job and friends.
As for difficult child I am not too worried--she and boyfriend are very good at finding people to take care of them. With her being 9 months pregnant they should be able to elicit lots of sympathy. They both are charming--very friendly, articulate, great social skills. They are good at portraying themselves as a nice young couple who through circumstances beyond their control have ended up in a bad situation. They are able to make others feel good about helping them til the people catch on that they are just being used and that doesn't happen til they have provided shelter, food, etc.
C says he is through with difficult child. He says he never wants to see her or talk to her again. I said that would probably change, that he could have a very superficial relationship with her--you just can't have a relationship with her where you try to help her in any way. He says he will never live with her again or give her one more cent. I said we are on the same page there! He said he feels sad because it was so different when he first went out to Seattle. He says when she had to quit working was when it really went downhill. (She had been an exotic dancer at a club but had to quit when the pregnancy got too advanced.) I will say that she seems to enjoy working, I think it makes her feel good about herself. The boyfriend sure enjoys her working--I think she gave all her money to him.
Okay, so in a weird way this was good news. I am so happy that C is now free of difficult child. difficult child will probably never change and I have gotten used to her being difficult child and knowing that she is living the life she has chosen.
I do feel sorry for the baby and I feel sad that I probably will not get to know this child--I can't allow myself to be manipulated by difficult child and the baby would be the perfect tool for that. I can't do normal grandmother things--I can't go visit, buy things for the baby (they will just get left behind), etc. My husband's son and wife are expecting their 1st child 2 weeks after difficult child is due--this is also a very painful thing for me. The contrast is so great. I have trouble reading the posts about grandchildren here--even most of the difficult children who have kids seem to be pretty good parents. I think my difficult child will sacrifice her child's needs to do whatever boyfriend tells her to do. I do not think she will be a "warrior" mom. I think she will find the baby a burden and if boyfriend finds it to be annoying she will be angry with it. I do not think she would stand up for the baby. Hope she surprises me for once!
Thanks for reading this long post--I guess I was rambling. Needed to get some of this off my chest I think.
Jane
I talked to easy child son, C, last night. The gist of the situation is that difficult child had agreed to go with C and R (the person who C is staying with now). They told her she could not go back to the apt. where she'd been living with boyfriend, they were going to lock it down. They told her to stay in the car and when they came back she was gone. No one has heard from her since Tuesday night--so she has gone with boyfriend.
I actually am glad for C that it happened this way. He can have a clear conscience--he knows he did everything he could to help difficult child and she just wouldn't accept the help. I am so glad she didn't actually move in with him and then get in contact with boyfriend. Now no one knows where C is living. He can get on with his life and not have difficult child and her baby to take care of and not have to put up with all her ****. He is happy where he is living and he has a good job and friends.
As for difficult child I am not too worried--she and boyfriend are very good at finding people to take care of them. With her being 9 months pregnant they should be able to elicit lots of sympathy. They both are charming--very friendly, articulate, great social skills. They are good at portraying themselves as a nice young couple who through circumstances beyond their control have ended up in a bad situation. They are able to make others feel good about helping them til the people catch on that they are just being used and that doesn't happen til they have provided shelter, food, etc.
C says he is through with difficult child. He says he never wants to see her or talk to her again. I said that would probably change, that he could have a very superficial relationship with her--you just can't have a relationship with her where you try to help her in any way. He says he will never live with her again or give her one more cent. I said we are on the same page there! He said he feels sad because it was so different when he first went out to Seattle. He says when she had to quit working was when it really went downhill. (She had been an exotic dancer at a club but had to quit when the pregnancy got too advanced.) I will say that she seems to enjoy working, I think it makes her feel good about herself. The boyfriend sure enjoys her working--I think she gave all her money to him.
Okay, so in a weird way this was good news. I am so happy that C is now free of difficult child. difficult child will probably never change and I have gotten used to her being difficult child and knowing that she is living the life she has chosen.
I do feel sorry for the baby and I feel sad that I probably will not get to know this child--I can't allow myself to be manipulated by difficult child and the baby would be the perfect tool for that. I can't do normal grandmother things--I can't go visit, buy things for the baby (they will just get left behind), etc. My husband's son and wife are expecting their 1st child 2 weeks after difficult child is due--this is also a very painful thing for me. The contrast is so great. I have trouble reading the posts about grandchildren here--even most of the difficult children who have kids seem to be pretty good parents. I think my difficult child will sacrifice her child's needs to do whatever boyfriend tells her to do. I do not think she will be a "warrior" mom. I think she will find the baby a burden and if boyfriend finds it to be annoying she will be angry with it. I do not think she would stand up for the baby. Hope she surprises me for once!
Thanks for reading this long post--I guess I was rambling. Needed to get some of this off my chest I think.
Jane
and at 6:30 am - it COULD (at this point) be a breakfast drink. 
