Update: difficult child is NOT with boyfriend!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by jbrain, Jan 13, 2009.

  1. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Okay, can you all keep up with this? I just spoke with difficult child and now she is making sense to me and I believe she has not gone back to the boyfriend.

    She is still staying at the shelter but will be moving to Seattle itself (right now she is on an island in the Sound) in a few weeks. Her manager at the club where she works is lending her money for the deposit. Apparently this is a transitional housing situation so I assume she pays part of the rent and some agency pays the rest.

    She has a babysitter lined up for Liam whom she knows and trusts and she is trying to avoid the boyfriend. He has been nosing around the area where she is but I don't think she has actually had a face to face confrontation with him. She is getting a restraining order put out on him.

    She said she is not going back to him, that once he threw that table at her while she was holding Liam, that was it. She says she knows she and Liam will be better off without him than with him.

    We talked a lot about what he was doing with her money. He felt that since she could make more money dancing than he could make doing anything that he might as well not work. She said, "what self-respecting almost 30 yr old guy would let a 20 yr old girl support him?" Yes, that has been my question for a long time! Also, he was always full of plans for going back to school or going to Alaska to fish or going back to Chicago--where he grew up. The dumb thing that she did is to hand over her money to him when she came home from work. She has no idea what he spent it on. When my son was with them he couldn't figure it out either. He had nothing to show for the money he was spending.

    Oh, Liam is okay--he did not actually have blood in his stools, it was blood from his anus--he was sore from being constipated. He is now on a medication for it and is switching to soy formula. Emily says he is much more comfortable now.

    Okay, I'd best go--just wanted to let you know that my mommy gut was incorrect for once! But now it is back on track--I do believe what she was telling me today, she sounded good. Oh, she said she found out she has a lot of friends and she can ask them for help--she feels well supported emotionally.

  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Jane! What a great update. Thanks so much for letting us know she and Liam are okay. I am relieved. I don't even know her, but like we've said before, we all see so much of our own difficult child's in eachother's kids.

    This is very good news - I hope it sticks. And wouldn't it just be PERFECT if the loser boyfriend DID go back to Alaska (sorry Alaska members!!)?? Or anywhere far far away??
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Great update. Fingers crossed. DDD
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    What good news! I'm glad she's figuring things out and has a support system in place. Sending good thoughts that her situation continues to improve.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I pray that the hormones that helped her through pregnancy and Little Liam's beautiful smile keep his Mom on the straight and narrow.

    This is really good news! You must be sighing a relief.


    and as far as her kicking jerk to the curb - you tell my niece from her board auntie -

    Standing up for herself and her son?
    BRAVO KID - Way To Go!
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Jane - that is great news!!! I know you must be feeling so relieved. Sounds like she is really making some good decisions. I hope everything works out for her and Liam. (love that name by the way) Let us know when the housewarming party is!!!

    Hang in there, it looks as if there are better days to come.......:)
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Glad she still is away from the jerk. -RM
  9. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    What a relief to know that she and Liam are safe and that she has a support system to help her through this.
  10. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Glad the news is positive...... sounds like she will get a real dose of spending her own money instead of wondering what boyfriend did with it.........
  11. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


  12. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I"m so sorry to hear this, and I agree with the others as well. Woman with whom receive any type of abuse whether it be physical or emotional it takes time to truly detach and to be "ready" to want to leave.

    She'll get there, its a process. I'm just sending you hugs right now and support.

    You sound like you are handling it very well, by telling yourself to detach a bit and try not to worry. I know easier said than done.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so glad she is NOT with him. This must be a HUGE relief to you. It sounds as if the boyfriend was using the $ she earned for drugs.

    Tell her I am so very PROUD of her. She is learning to be a great mom and I hope that also continues. So many women stay with an abuser until their child is at risk. I am glad she got out before Liam got hurt.

    Thanks for the great news!
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Jane I know you must be releaved. Good for difficult child for finally seeing the light and sticking up for herself and the baby!! She'll be in my prayers that boyfriend gets a clue and leaves her alone while she makes a fresh start. Glad they're both safe and have a good support system.