Hi everyone, I've been away for a little over a year ... for which I'm sorry, because this place has been a tremendous support and a rock in the middle of the raging river over the years. I just became a little overwhelmed last fall, trying to get my ducks lined up and figure out where my life was going to go, and I hunkered down and sort of isolated myself. I'd come to a point where I was so stressed, angry, and demoralized within my marriage that I decided I had to leave and make it on my own. Lots of backstory to that, but the short story is that I couldn't get over certain things that had happened in the past, while the kids were growing up. I found a training program that would let me write exams and be employable in future, applied and was accepted, and then prepared for life on my own. I started my new training program June 30, my divorce came through July 6, and I was diagnosed with breast cancer July 30. It's been a tough summer and fall. I'd started seeing someone just before my divorce came through, someone I'd known slightly for years, always liked, and I really really hoped things would go well, was very very happy to be starting a new relationship. When my diagnosis happened, he dropped me like a stone, about as coldly and brutally as humanly possible, with not even the most basic courtesy or kindness (i.e. didn't say 'I'm sorry - that's really bad' or 'How are you doing?', just 'I don't want any new relationship! No expectations that I cannot live up to!'). I had already given him an 'out', telling him that I didn't expect him to hold my hand through this. I am still in pain about it; nothing to be done, and I know he's a jerk, but it still hurts terribly. And my ex (who didn't know I'd just started seeing someone) was devastated to hear of my diagnosis, offered his help in any/every way possible, and has been my chief support through multiple surgeries, complications, and now chemo. Life is not simple. I am very grateful to my ex; I literally couldn't have made it this far without him. I moved to another state for this training program and knew no one there at the time of my diagnosis. Getting care wasn't straightforward and I've had about every side effect and rare complication possible, and he's helped me through it all. So I'm taking things a bit at a time and we'll see, maybe we'll be able to work out the problems that existed before. difficult child had major health issues in the past year; multiple pulmonary emboli in all areas of both lungs this past spring that put him in hospital for days and then home on oxygen. He also has very bad sleep apnea and is on CPAP now; also has bad back pain and has been on heavy-duty narcotic medications from the local pain clinic for over a year. That's not a great thing given his addictions, but he seems to be fairly stable on them. He's still drinking, which is scary with his other health problems. He feels he's going to die with his health problems and tells me that I have nothing to worry about, because after a year I'll be cured! I wish. He still sees me as the villain in his life and takes any opportunity to take offense or claim that I've ruined his life. He took offense two days ago when I asked him to tone down his language somewhat, as we were all going to be careful of language at Thanksgiving because easy child 2 was having a guest and her little brother over; they come from a very very conservative culture and we didn't want them to be uncomfortable. difficult child took umbrage and informed me that he would absent himself over Thanksgiving because I'd insulted him so severely; he did end up coming over in the morning, then informed me he was leaving, but came back just for dinner. He didn't speak to me at all, then left right after dinner without saying goodbye (although he said goodbye to his father and sibs). I admit, it upset me a lot. I just can't seem to be anything but his villain and scapegoat. That seems to be my role in his life no matter how much I do for him. Ah well. I'll browse through the threads and find out what's been happening. I hope all are well.