Update...from scared to just mad as heck

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tracyf551, May 1, 2009.

  1. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    Sorry it took me so long to get back with the update on difficult child but I've had to get myself together. Well difficult child did come home. The first couple of days were rough because of withdrawal. I did get him to go tell his side of the story about the car. And the officer was truthful. difficult child told him what he knew they gave him a fine for retail theft, took his picture and finger prints and he was released. He hasn't gone back with the girl he was running with thank God. I am relieved. But he does refuse any treatment or even to talk to anyone.
    Well here's what we have now. My mother went to pay his $400 fine from underage drinking. (told her not to) and now he has another fine for the retail theft. She refuses to let him fall on his face and face up to anyhting he has done. He also will be having other charges for more retail thefts in our town coming soon. No current warrants. He still refuses to get a job, I still don't trust him in the house by himself and he is just down right mean to all of us still. After all this he still has not changed his attitude. I tell you we can cut the tension with a knife when he comes into the house.
    The thing is I wanted him away from the heroin and all that but now that he's around again it's very difficult to get thru the day. He has been staying with one of his real (good kid) friends and my mom. I went from being scared to death to just mad as HE!!. He is the most disrespectful, meanest person I've ever known. He still may go to jail cuz of all the retail thefts but it would only be for a couple of months. I think it would do all of us some good. I know that sounds bad but I will know where he is and I will be able to be at some sort of peace with myself.
    On another subject...easy child 2 (14) came home yesterday crying like a baby. One of his best friends tried to kill himself with an overdose of pills and pot. easy child 2 says to me "mom I don't understand why would he do this I tried to get him to stop the pot but he wouldn't listen" This broke my heart. I have known this boy for years and he is like one of the family. He is currently in an inpatient facility getting help. Please keep him in your prayers.
    Sorry so long.
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    Wow you have a lot on your plate. I can't think of anything harder for us moms than to watch our young adult kids make these crazy choices that bring them way down and we're powerless to stop it. Anything we do to "help" is just enabling but not to help goes against the grain in a big way. My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you know the right things to do and you certainly have us here to support you. Hang in there. Hugs, ML
  3. Wishing

    Wishing New Member

    It is the toughest thing to watch our kids make wrong choices.
    Hopefully he will learn from this not to do it again. Sometimes they do things without thinking and that is the toughest part. He is very fortunate to have a loving family.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Trace -

    Go back, and re read your post to us. Be especially aware of any statements that start with I want, instead of my SON wants......

    Build your detachment on that.

  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Mad as h*ll is a good thing. It keeps the maternal instinct and guilt at bay and helps us to detach and let our difficult children learn from their choices.

    While it's incredibly hard to watch them make choices that are downright wrong, stupid, and destructive.........They are adults and there isn't anything we can do except support them and cheer them on when they do make good choices.

    As an addict, difficult child is going to use everyone he can. His drug of choice is the center of his universe, and getting it.....the only goal in his life. Until he gets enough consequences that it makes him rethink whether the drug is worth it.......not a whole lot you can do except pray.

    If you don't already, attending Al-anon would be very helpful.

  6. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes - I can understand the peacefulness when they are in jail. It is not a wonderful feeling but at least you know where they are. You can sleep.