Thank you all for your welcome notes and suggestions. We've had a nice few days in our house lately. This usually happens this way. difficult child will have a series of horrible, explosive, cope-with-nothing days, then will have several very pleasant days. I love these days. It's like living in a fantasy that my home is normal. LOL Ah well,... Anyway, I've reserved some books to read based on your suggestions. If you've read Alfie Kohn, let me know if you find him helpful for ODD management. I'm looking forward to learning something other than "behavior modification." I have had ZERO success with your typical: punishment/reward systems, no matter how consistent. It works just fine with his brother. Interesting. I've been working very hard on not yelling. (Yelling is my last-resort, totally-helpless, I-can't-come-up-with-anything-better discipline routine). And I've told the kids that I'm working on it, and that we all can work together to avoid all of us at not yelling at each other. I'm hoping they are sensing how nice it is to have a calm, happy mother when everybody does what their told. =) husband and I have meeting with psychologist next week, to review ODD management, especially for husband, who was in Iraq for 15 mo. last year and missed tons, and to discuss neuropsychologist evaluation. Thanks again all!