Update- Good, bad, & disgusting...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Alisonlg, Mar 17, 2008.

  1. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Hello all!

    I apologize for the time I've been away. I figured I'd pop in to check on how everyone was doing & share an update on us.

    M- We switched M over from Celexa to Zoloft about 2 months ago and the switch seemed to help a bit. He's a little more under control and less angry. Still very obsessive about things...he must beg us to buy him a Webkinz almost every day and spend 15-20 minutes rolling around on the floor because he doesn't have enough money and we won't pay for it. Ah, 9 years of consistent parenting and he still thinks we'll give in if he whines and begs and throws a tantrum. Gotta love it.

    The Theraputic School recognized that M might need Occupational Therapist (OT) for his difficulty with writting (FINALLY, somebody gets it!) and did an informal observation. During their observation, they noted that he did have some weakness in writting and his grasp, was clumsy (bumping into desks), had poor motor skills in gym class, toe walking, etc. So, now they're doing a formal Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation as a part of his PPT to get him services. YIPPIE! Of course, this stirred a bit in my mind to start to reconsider whether M might have Aspergers. Who knows. But, something to keep in the back of the mind I guess.

    C- C seems to get worse with time. What started out as behaviors that only showed at home and him being a golden boy at school, started surfacing at school early in the school year this year. While his violence towards the cat has eased up dramatically, he now has turned on his brother and almost constantly hits and torments his easily aggitated brother. Every single hour of every single day is like a constant battle ground between the two of them. M trys to be C's father by telling him what he can or can not do or what he can or can not play with and then C instantly retaliates by hitting with his hands or an object. Often times, the hitting is unprovoked (like his violence towards the cat was).

    At 4 yrs and 3 months, he's still not fully potty trained. He often will wet his pants or get spots of poop in his underwear and almost ALWAYS wets at night, right through his diaper and soaks his bed. This past week, he decided to wipe his butt on the shower curtain and then Sunday morning decided to pee on his brother while he was on the computer!!!!!! WHY? WHY on EARTH would he whip it out and pee on his brother? When asked, he said he didn't know..he just did it. If he's doing something he's not supposed to do and you tell him to stop, he just keeps doing it. No amount of time-outs seems to have any effect on him.

    He is extremely co-dependent and needy, whiney (even though we REFUSE to respond to whining- we will only respond when his speaks calmly), over the top emotional, etc and has been for quite some time. It just isn't getting any better with age. I was always hopeful that with increased verbal & processing skills and age that it would get better.

    He has no diagnosis of any kind...the therapist that we've seen seems to deal only in verbage and behavior charts...I was hoping to at least get some idea of what I was dealing with so I could read some books or seek out specialists if needed (I was curious if he was Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)).

    One plus is that he does give a lot of LOVE. Plenty of "I love you"'s, hugs, kisses, and snuggles. He's definitely the most affectionate guy in the house.

    I have not taken the boys to the therapist in a few months. Admittingly that's my fault and I feel guilty about it. Not that it has brought us much benefit, but I guess we should be going. Three things have kept me from bringing them: 1) our last appointment the receptionist wasn't there to make our next set of appts...well, if it's up to me to call I won't remember...and I haven't. 2) cost- $60 a week for the two kids, on top of my appts ($30-60 a week), plus everyone's Rx's, plus all of the other costs of life is pretty darn expensive when you add it all up. 3) Anxiety. Our last appointment, the therapist asked me to develop the entire behavior chart system and figure out the pts that each child would get for each behavior and figure out what level that would put them on and what benefits they would get on each level and that felt VERY overwhelming to me. I sat down and tried to do it and I about had a panic attack. So, I'm afraid to go back and be the bad parent that didn't do my "homework" and have been parenting these past few months without my therapist assigned behavior system. :(

    husband is getting increasingly angry and distant, but refuses to acknowledge it. If I try to talk to him about it, he'll make an excuse about just not getting enough sleep the night before, or how he is sick and that's why he's overly angry...it's always something, but not reality. He can't acknowledge that he's not happy and he refuses to talk to someone.

    :::sigh::: So, that's US in a nutshell.
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hi Allison. I was thinking about you the other day. Glad you checked in.

    Sorry things are going rough for you. I wish I had some advice. I can say a prayer, and send you some hugs and strength.
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Alison, welcome back. We missed you.

    If there's any chance that either (or both) of your boys falls on the autistic spectrum, you need to know NOW. The sooner the interventions, the better the prognosis. From everything I've read, the interventions are as important as (or even more important than) hitting the right medication combo. Where are you in getting a neuropsychologist or multidisciplinary evaluation?

    Glad you're back, but sorry you need to be.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think you should see a neuropsychologist, not a therapist. Sounds like they both could use intensive testing, which NeuroPsychs do. It wouldn't surprise me if both were on the spectrum, and that requires way different interventions than behavioral therapy. If they have that or anything else, a neuropsychologist should be able to nail it a lot better than a therapist who simply talks to them and makes parenting suggestions to you.
    If they are on the spectrum, medications won't fix it. Many Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids do not need medications (50%) and interventions are the key to a productive life.
  5. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Thanks everyone.

    Oh...one thing I wanted to add to get an opinion on. M was doing this clapping thing...not an autistic hand flapping thing, but if he was excited about something, he would clap his hands together really fast. My husband was very annoyed by this behavior, so he would draw attention to it every time M would do it and ask him to stop clapping. So, over time, the clapping has stopped, but now he rubs his hands together really fast (like a motion you would make symbolic of washing your hands of something). He often does this when he puts something down. He does it without thinking and says he can't help it. It almost seems like an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) type thing. I mentioned it to his psychiatrist and he noted it, asked if he did anything else (tics or anything) and I said no, so he said we'll just keep an eye out. I was just curious if anyone had any thoughts or input on that. My aunt and her son (my cousin) do have a diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
  6. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    Hi Allison,

    It's nice to meet you! I think both of your boys need a thorough re-evaluation. I have one with Autism and I often wonder if my difficult child 1 isn't possibly an Aspie also. It would be very helpful for you to get an accurate picture of what's going on. Your youngest sounds very much like my difficult child 2, and people used to always discount the fact that he was affectionate with me as "can't be Autistic" which is a bunch of bunk! Every child on the spectrum is different and shows different characteristics, per the research!

    Oh yeah, and don't feel bad about your "homework"....that would have completely freaked me out!!! That just shows me how totally normal you are, lol!
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good to see you Allison! I'm sorry things are rough right now-I agree he about having a neuro-psychiatric doing evaluations.
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Good to see you Alison!!!:sunny: It has been SO long.

    I wish I had some words of wisdom, but my life has been helter skelter, and I am fresh out of advice.

    Sending lot's of hugs though! Keep posting - we missed you!
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Hi Alison, LTNS! Good to hear from you.

    I was thinking spectrum disorder when you talked about C, as well as what the Occupational Therapist (OT) noticed with M. It would explain a lot of things and definitely need those early interventions. difficult child's tutor works 3 days a week with another therapist doing ABA therapy and intensive homeschooling with an autistic child. She and I talked a bit today about the importance of early interventions.

    As far as the behavioral chart, I'm right there with you. That's a lot for anyone to take on without assistance from the therapist. I wouldn't know where to start. I'd be just as overwhelmed. I'd be asking for separate appts just to work on creating that chart with help from the therapist.

    You have a lot on your plate. Hang in there and keep us posted.