Update. He's doing ok.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by in a daze, Jul 23, 2013.

  1. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    He's been at the halfway house/dual diagnosis place since March 21st. He has been clean the entire time. Even when he spent the money in his Chase bank account (for underwear and socks...bank accounts/money not allowed and we took care of this with counselor but the point is that money did not go to substances). That was back in April. Doing required chores (better since back on ADHD medications, stayed off them for a while at advice of counselor but decided to go back on them). Going to meetings, participating in group, meeting with sponsor. And believe it or not, working full time! (Minimum wage job at a call center)

    Found him using his bus pass to pay for his friends...rectified, stopped doing it. (Told me not to tattle but I did anyway.) Doesn't call unless he needs something (this really rankles us).On Forth of July a little less guarded and standoffish with his dad, with whom he has had a contentious relationship (he was the heavy, I was the nicer one) Will not communicate with friends, sister, cousin, other relatives (he's ashamed of what he's done, embarrassed.)

    Is transitioning to the three quarters house, so he is moving up! I am cautiously optimistic at the progress he has made. Husband not so much...he tends to be very negative, kind of a defense mechanism but he calls it being realistic. That's another post...

    Best wishes and prayers to all of you!
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks for the update. It all sounds quite positive, just being clean for 4 months is a huge feat. And, that he is inching in the direction of his father a little bit is good. The fact that he is ashamed and embarrassed seems like an extremely positive sign to me, feeling ashamed of what he's done makes it just a little less likely that he will do it again. All in all, in a daze, it all sound very good. And, it must have been really nice for you and your husband to have the last 4 months of relative peace. Thank you for letting us know what's up, it's always good to hear updates when the news is positive.
  3. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    There are so many positives here, Daze! That he was less contentious with husband is huge. Though it may not seem like a big thing to you and husband, it is quite an accomplishment for your son to have stuck with the program. Our daughter only made it through six weeks. Then, she left AMA. That your son is working a minimum wage job is an excellent sign. So many times, the kids quit those kinds of jobs. Your son must feel better about himself when he is working, being productive. That bodes well for his success, once he is back in the real world.

    Holding faith with you that he can do this, Daze.

  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Great update. I love it when there is positive news and always hope it leads to long term changes. Reading your post I thought perhaps that he is avoiding family and old friends because he is seriously trying to find a "new self". Most of the people who have overcome s.a. problems (that I personally know) have had to struggle alone for awhile and then slowly make new friends. Even in our CD family some of the difficult children have to make new lives in other cities or other States. Each new day is a challenge and even if parents and siblings have to be left behind, the goal is to find a healthy way to live. Fingers crossed for your family. DDD
  5. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Recovering! never thought about it that way as far as him being ashamed. It's been great having him out of the house, I must admit!
  6. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks Barbara. He has never really worked a full time job. This is a major step for him. His last job was working with his uncle. He'd show up late, and by late I don't mean 15 minutes...I mean an hour, 2 hours, whenever he felt like coming in. My brother in law is a nice guy but was aware of his nephew's problems and gave him a lot of slack, which of course as we all know isn't the best way to help them.
  7. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks, DDD. His friends aren't really too bad, except for his closest buddy who was practically a functioning alcoholic like my son. Most of them are normal young adults, but they all hang out at this one bar, which of course he can't do anymore. I'm hoping what you mentioned is part of his reluctance to contact them despite their texts and Facebook messages. We are kind of puzzled that he won't contact back his cousin, who he was close to and doesn't drink very much at all. His cousin really misses him.