Update...I am devastated got a new neuropsychologist Report

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DramaQueenLucy, Feb 21, 2009.

  1. DramaQueenLucy

    DramaQueenLucy New Member

    On difficult child#1 he had just this past summer been diagnosed with ODD, PTSD & Depression.

    Well on the advice of one of his workers I took him for another round of full testing, with the same Doctor that I had used in the past and trust. The last time she saw him was 2 years ago.

    The end of this round of testing was pretty interesting. The first thing that I had noticed was that he is no longer diagnosed with PTSD...hum well ok I was told that it had been more then enough time and he had dealt with his issues so it is no longer a problem. That is the last of the good news. I was expecting that the Depression, not otherwise specified was still there as well and that has been confirmed but the next part is what was really surprising to me there was no ODD listed in its place is Conduct Disorder, mild adolescent onset. I am devastated at this news.

    Rounds of therapy, in-patient hospitalizations and behavior management at home didn't do as much as I had hoped, I know that it had gotten worse but I didn't realize that it was this much worse! I talked to the Doctor that did the evaluation and she told me of a psychiatric doctor that works primarily with these kinds of kiddos and highly suggested that I seek him out.

    I have at this point make difficult child#1 an appointment and I myself have meet with him. He really seems to know what he is talking about and I hope he can help. The one bright thing that I was told is that had I not pushed and done everything that I had done difficult child would have been much worse and at the higher end of the scale for CD.

    difficult child#1 is now 17...this scares the **** out of me because I know that he can't handle the real world. Just yesterday in his IEP meeting he had a fit over the fact that he has to go for math tutoring 2 times a week and that at the meeting his lies had been uncovered. He has been lying to me about his homework and made the excuse of not being organized to explain away the fact that only 2 weeks in to the semester he is missing at least 3 assignments from each class :( He was very nasty in the meeting and I was embarrassed. I had an idea about some of the assignments that he hadn't been turning in because I can look online and see but some teachers don't update as much as others, so others had been a surprise. Right after the meeting I went and got a new filing cabinet with a lock so I can lock up his laptop, mp3 and video game controllers, I have to lock up difficult child#2's as well because difficult child#1 will use take them from him so he can use them.

    Is this ever gonna get better? I feel like I am hitting my head on a brick wall. Is there a book someone can suggest on CD? How am I going to be able to send this child out into the world knowing what he is capable of doing?
  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Colleen, I don't know a lot of difficult child 1's background so bear with me. The light end of CD doesn't sound too bad. You have been proactive with him. It's the best you can do.If there is anything more I'm sure you would do it.
    You aren't going to be sending him out into the world alone anytime soon. Some of our kids never make it to complete independence because they can't make it in the world independently. Not that this will be true of your son but I'm just mentioning that the worst thing I could imagine is a child who always lives with me and is dependent. I'm responsible for his consequences and have little control over his actions. Unfortunately, it's the hand that was dealt to difficult child and consequently to me. I survived. I'm constantly working towards getting difficult child to be as independent as possible and making sure he has supports in place.

    Is there any classes or courses offered for life skills learning? Would difficult child go? There are some books that will help you figure out how to prepare him for independent living. I'll look for some.
  3. DramaQueenLucy

    DramaQueenLucy New Member

    I am looking in to life skills classes and have told difficult child that they would be mandatory if he would like to continue to have his 7 hours of computer time per week...so he complied...lol difficult child is violent when angered and this is the part that scares me the most. He is very physical, bullies, likes to fight for the rush. Will do destroy things that belong to others and thinks that it is acceptable behavior if he feels the person was disrespectful of him. He is sneaky and lies to me about things to get out of trouble, often will try to debate his point (this makes me nuts). He is often at odds with his 11 y/o brother....I swear that he is more like a 13 y/o then a 17 y/o and worry that once he becomes 18 he will fall in to the system and he will be out of my reach to help him. He still has 2 years of school left but he will be 18 next January...I need him to be a kid longer so he can get all the help that he needs before I send him out in to the real world, Know what I mean??
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Colleen I don't have experience with conduct disorder........but any neuropsychologist test that shows something more severe instead of improvement when you've worked so hard has got to feel like a punch in the gut. But as the doctor said, if you hadn't been such a warrior parent, it could've been an even worse outcome.

    At 17, difficult child isn't done "cooking" yet. Ok, so he thinks he is, but we parents know better. lol So I wouldn't give up on him just yet. There is still time for life lessons and maturity to kick into gear. I understand your worry, cuz like Fran said with the hot temper and violence as an adult the consequences would be swift.

    My Travis may never leave home. It's taken a long time for me to be able to accept this as a fact, and to be able to accept it while not feeling like a failure. All those years of working my arse off to make him the best he could be as an adult.........well, it was hard to shut off when the time came. Although, like Fran, we still work on lifeskills and such even though at this time it does not seem he can live independently.

    My goal with Travis at 16-18 was to get him as much help and services as possible before that magic number of 18 rolled around and I found myself no longer in any legal sense in control of the situation. Once he turned 18 I knew all I could do was hope he would continue to cooperate.

    It's so hard and quite scary when you know they're headed for that magic number and are no where near ready for the responsibilities that go with it.

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Colleen,
    I hear you.
    I agree, from what you say,you have been a great advocate and you have done many interventions. Sometimes there's only so much you can do.
    The real life classes sound like a good idea.
    Fran's comment that you won't be sending him out alone into the world soon is valid. (Unless he's so violent at home, you have to file charges.) But if he isn't ready, the law says he may move out at 18. It doesn't say he HAS to unless you say so.
    You still have time. :) But he's got to put in some effort.
    I like the idea of locking up the controllers in a filing cabinet. I have to do the same thing, but I don't have just one spot, because our difficult child figures out where it is and uses a key or otherwise breaks in and gets them. So I just keep moving them around. It wreaks havoc with-my already poor memory!
    I wish I had some ideas for you.
    I'm sending support.
  7. compassion

    compassion Member

  8. DramaQueenLucy

    DramaQueenLucy New Member

    Thanks for the kind words and the links I am looking in to them now. I am just frustrated because I have worked so hard but think back and see the places where I should have done something different or done more and not less, if I could only go back 10 years or so with the knowledge that I have now...*sigh* I am a single parent and I have always felt that I have done the best that I could at the time.

    There have been lots of improvements but it seems that the worst of it the anger, violence, bullying and vengefulness has not only stayed but has gotten worse. His view of the world what he considers acceptable behavior and what acceptable behavior really is so very different...it was this the the worker saw and told me that she thought he needed another evaluation. I guess that I am too close because I never saw this....I always thought that deep down inside he knew what was right and what was wrong because I tried to teach him these things but in the end I hadn't gotten through to him and I didn't even see it!

    Well there is nothing that I can do the change the past just gotta put it behind me and do the best I can from here on out. We go to the doctor for a medication check on Monday...I will take the new results with me and see about a medication change from what I have been reading it seems that there is a medication that helps with the aggression and conduct disorder it is called Risperidal...but difficult child would also need something to help with his depression as well. I want the Doctor to look in to what the best medication would be for him but I would really like to try this one...it sounds like it can help.

    I lurk here a lot gotten tons of great information but don't post very much. Thanks again