Update - I have seen the light...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jal, Mar 6, 2009.

  1. jal

    jal Member

    at the end of the tunnel. I have been hesitant to post as to not jinx ourselves, but we are finally, FINALLY seeing the child we knew all along was inside. For those of you that do not know or remember, we have been dealing with-difficult child's behaviors since the age of 2. The abridged version: Kicked out of 4 daycares, hard time with-peers, authority. 3 weeks hospitalization, a multitude of medication trials, psychiatrists, tdocs and psychologists to no evail. Placed out of district in a therapeutic school in first grade (this year). diagnosis'd with ADHD, Bipolar and ADHD, now most recently Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-Aspergers. As of Jan we have 2 new psychiatrists that agree on the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and we have in home intensive therapy twice a week. We had a medication change to address anxiety. It's bizarre, it was such a small tweak, but our boy began to emerge. Gone was the constant anger, the fly off the handle, 180°, drop of the hat blistering anger that caused holes in our walls, the hitting, the kicking and the tantruming. He is doing well in school, is earning his points daily, is learning to be safe, comes home and immediately does his homework (spelling, math, writing and reading every day 4 days a week) and he is learning to read. He is more respectful and when he knows he's not, one look from me and I get "sorry".

    We are so proud of him. He is actually happy. He's told us he feels better and happier. The past 2 months have been wonderful. I actually find myself looking forward to going home to see him rather than dreading it and hoping for a long business trip in my near future.

    I never thought I would see this time. I know it may be fleeting, but for the moment we will enjoy it. It is so nice to hear "he's on a roll", "he's such a good boy" instead of all the negative things we've endured over the years.

    I just feel like shouting out. People who have not gone through this have no understanding as to what a moment like this means. The huge weight that is lifted off your shoulders when you no longer have to worry about your phone ringing to come get a difficult child that is out of control or the dread you feel picking up difficult child at daycare because something bad always has happened. The daycares that say "I'm sorry, but he isn't safe. We can't have him here", that causes you to loose your job of 9 plus years. It is just nice to have a feeling of normalcy. NORMAL. I haven't lived a normal life for the last 4 years. Is this really what I am experiencing? If it is, I don't want to go back.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Jal - What great news!
  3. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    Congratulations, what a nice post to read! I hope that you continue to experience this "new normal" for a very very long time.
  4. compassion

    compassion Member

    Great!!! Thanks for sharing! Compassion
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    That is so awesome - I totally understand - I went through that last year and came out of it last Summer. It is true, it does happen!

    Good for you and your family. Isn't it great to say, "Anyone who was not a part of our life at that time will not believe what we have been through."

    I am also proud of your difficult child. Sounds like he is working on this.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you for sharing this. I am so thrilled for you and difficult child!
  7. cadydid

    cadydid New Member

    I'm so happy for you !

    You were right people that have not been through this don't understand what a huge deal this is.

    My son cleaned his room by himself with out a meltdown and you would have thought that he had won the Nobel peace prize I was so happy.

    It's the little things that make us happy.. It's the huge things like you are experiencing that truly makes us think there is a light at the end of this very long tunnel.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhhhhhhhhh, that's wonderful!!!!!
    I am so happy for you.
    I know what you mean about not wanting to post because you might jinx yourself. :)

    I wrote down "fluoxextine" because we will see the psychiatrist on Mon and I need ideas. The Zoloft was a bust. :(

    I hope your good luck and success continues.
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    That is such really great news.

    I often talk about the need to sometimes change our mindset towards our kids. That doesn't necessarily mean that we're wrong about our kids, but sometimes we just need to see them from a different angle.

    In your case - I think the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis that overturned the other stuff, helped you change your mindset towards your son. he's still the same child, but your angle of view has subtly changed and somewhere in there, he has sensed (at last) that you are his salvation, hhis support and his strength.

    It's often a Catch 22 situation - when we're constantly battling with our kids (out of necessity generally, but still being reactive because we haven't yet found the key we need to be able to be proactive) then we have a lot of trouble moving forward.

    But once it 'clicks' - then it's like magic.

    I don't think you will jinx yourself. You've had some success, nothing will take away this period of success. There will undoubtedly be times when the "midden hits the windmill" but hey, it happens. You can see the degree to which anxiety is/has been playing a big part in your son's behaviour problems; rthere will be times again when he is troubled by anxiety. But as he gets older and he learns, and you learn, how to deal with the anxiety more successfully, the problems will be lessened and further apart. Every period of success paves the way for more success.

    You may find new problems further down the track, but it sounds like you've got a good start happening!

  10. jal

    jal Member

    Thank you everyone. It has been a long road as you all know and this glimmer of light is just the best. Of course after I wrote this Saturday posed some challenges, but yesterday was good! Thank you!
  11. Stella

    Stella New Member

    So nice to hear some good news! delighted for you all. I suppose this shows just how important the correct diagnosis can be!