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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 728581" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Maybe four years ago there was an altercation here. The upshot: my son pinned my SO on the floor and gave him a black eye.</p><p></p><p>I do not remember if we called the cops (we called police several times and my son would call them on us to press for his "rights."). But we did not press charges. We did make him leave.</p><p></p><p>I believe we made a reasonable decision for us.</p><p></p><p>My son did not use hard drugs. I did not fear him. He was rational and had self control. We bore some responsibility. The situation had become intense. There had been a back and forth.</p><p></p><p>My son is doing way better. We are too.</p><p></p><p>That does not mean we were either wise or healthy to not throw the book at him. But I am glad we did not.</p><p></p><p>I will tell you what I think. There are steps that you could take. You could have a discussion with your husband about boundaries. Son unmedicated on drugs is dangerous. If husband consented that he enter the house that to me would be an unwise boundary.</p><p></p><p>Given a history of violence towards you at this point you could get a restraining order from the district attorney.</p><p></p><p>I like the idea of an alarm as well as a camera system.</p><p></p><p>With a camera to capture images you could have an ironclad agreement with yourself that if there was a next time...you would press charges.</p><p></p><p>After all he is the adult here who has to deal with the consequences of his actions. Thus I do agree with those who speak from that point of view. But I know from experience how hard this is.</p><p></p><p>It could be argued it is in your son's interest to face charges if he is incarcerated. He could withdraw from drugs. Get treatment. Get on medication. I am not sure in the long run we help them by protecting them from consequences.</p><p></p><p>I agree there must be some consequence and boundary. You are his parents. He cannot be allowed to transgress in your space and against you. The question: what can you live with?</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you are in this hard, hard spot.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 728581, member: 18958"] Maybe four years ago there was an altercation here. The upshot: my son pinned my SO on the floor and gave him a black eye. I do not remember if we called the cops (we called police several times and my son would call them on us to press for his "rights."). But we did not press charges. We did make him leave. I believe we made a reasonable decision for us. My son did not use hard drugs. I did not fear him. He was rational and had self control. We bore some responsibility. The situation had become intense. There had been a back and forth. My son is doing way better. We are too. That does not mean we were either wise or healthy to not throw the book at him. But I am glad we did not. I will tell you what I think. There are steps that you could take. You could have a discussion with your husband about boundaries. Son unmedicated on drugs is dangerous. If husband consented that he enter the house that to me would be an unwise boundary. Given a history of violence towards you at this point you could get a restraining order from the district attorney. I like the idea of an alarm as well as a camera system. With a camera to capture images you could have an ironclad agreement with yourself that if there was a next time...you would press charges. After all he is the adult here who has to deal with the consequences of his actions. Thus I do agree with those who speak from that point of view. But I know from experience how hard this is. It could be argued it is in your son's interest to face charges if he is incarcerated. He could withdraw from drugs. Get treatment. Get on medication. I am not sure in the long run we help them by protecting them from consequences. I agree there must be some consequence and boundary. You are his parents. He cannot be allowed to transgress in your space and against you. The question: what can you live with? I am sorry you are in this hard, hard spot. [/QUOTE]
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