Hi everyone! This will be wordy - I don't know how to write any other way! As usual, I have been reading but have not had the energy or the moments of calm to post myself. I don't like to post when I am overwhelmed - and I have been overwhelmed these past few weeks. Nothing wrong - just crazy with the last weeks of school, my out of town guests and the excitement of easy child's last month of HS and a bit of a heavy heart. The good: PC17 is a HS graduate! Ceremony was lovely, we had picture perfect weather for his party and I greatly enjoyed the time spent with my very favorite cousin (PCs godmother) and her 10yo daughter who is my goddaughter. They came all the way from NY - we only get to see each other every few years or so - and it was a great weekend. I put together a slideshow of easy child's "life" and a little display of some of some of his childhood essays & report cards, his varsity letter, NHS pin etc. He opened the time capsule he made in 1st grade and I couldn't believe that the letter I wrote him back then was so apropos for our life today. Lots of happy, nostalgic tears. A bit of a gulp in my throat because difficult child's graduation was much the same and I worry about PC17 following in difficult child's steps. (While I know it isn't fair to think that way; it's just a little jaded voice in the back of my head. We thought we were home free with difficult child at HS grad too - his bright future ahead - and we never would've imagined we would end up HERE with him. C'est la vie.) The Not-so-bad: difficult child was OK. He cancelled on us for the Friday night ball game, which was a little last minute (day before) and a bit of a disappointment. After telling us he would take off most of Saturday for easy child's pre grad party which started at 4, he told us he needed to work until 5 and would be there at 6. We held dinner to 6 but he and his girlfriend didn't arrive until nearly 7. He did show up nicely dressed and with gift in hand and was polite etc. The ugly - He did not stay the night as planned. In fact my nephew (same age as difficult child) decided to drive him to and spend the night with him at difficult child's friend's "ALEX" house. (who is a local boy and difficult child's roommate in college town) My brother & sister in law decided to spend the night here; along with my mom and my cousin and her daughter -- 6 house guests! Next morning, I get up to go to store for breakfast groceries only to find that nephew's car is blocking us all in. Apparently, difficult child's girlfriend drove them wherever it is they went that night. My bro texts nephew to come move car. At 8:30 am, nephew shows up - having WALKED here ALONE from (supposedly) Alex's house. difficult child does not show up until 11:30 - long after Bro, sister in law and nephew leave to go home and 1/2 past the 11:00 time we set the day before. (was planning brunch at 11, ate it earlier due to early risers, unexpected house guests) Now, it's not a super long walk - maybe a mile or 2, but difficult child rarely sees his cousin. It was RUDE to make him walk here alone and the whole thing stinks of something else. Not sure what really went on - but the story doesn't wash. Plus there are a dozen late night texts between difficult child and Alex which is odd if difficult child was at Alex's house. TRYING NOT TO FIXATE but a GOOD REMINDER that difficult child is full o baloney. difficult child was polite, a bit quiet for sure, joined us for the grad ceremony, post ceremony family pics, and dinner downtown. After dinner, we drove him to pick up a backpack at the place he is crashing on the weekends - we surmise that he is couch surfing for the summer - so now H and I know where his other crash pad is. OK - if you have made it this far - thanks for reading. difficult child has come twice for Sunday dinner. It has been nice. Cool but nice. Each time, he has stayed for exactly 2.5 hours. Came at 5:30, ate at 6, left by 8 of his own accord. (says "I have to go now, girlfriend is picking me up") When I asked him (after dinner #1) if he would come back for dinner again, he said he hoped he could come every Sunday night. So far, so good. The first Sunday, he fed us stories of going back to the uni in the fall and talking to his advisor & that he could graduate in 3-3-1/2 years. (though he all ready has 33 credits, not sure why so long. Resisted the urge to ask, tho my "baloney alarm" is on high alert) It was on the tip of my tongue to offer to pay tuition, to give grocery money, to see if he wanted to bring his laundry here, spend the night, does he need new clothes, etc... BUT I HELD IT BACK!!! In fact, H and I had a long talk about it a few days after he left. We are going to try really hard to keep some distance. We are willing to help - but we won't offer. HE NEEDS TO ASK. WE MUTUALLY AGREED THAT WE WON'T CHASE HIM. I wrote this to my bff - the one who has been sober day by day since age 17- and in the interest of brevity, I am pasting it. He is playing nice, isn't volatile and we will just grin and bear it. He feeds us the lines about going back to school in the fall and we need to resist the urge to jump in and offer help and rescue him. As much as we want to; we can't chase him. I just hope that the side of him that is pretending to be a college student to save face (with his peers, friends, etc) and that willingly attends Sunday dinners will take over before he does something really stupid. Eventually his peers are going to start passing him by and that will really bother him...it will be interesting to see how M's graduation plays out and if inspires any regrets in him... and she replied: It's obvious you have been doing a lot of work on this with SOMEONE.(*) You are sounding really healthy and detached. You know what you need to do. Thats the first step. I know that doing is really hard but it does help when you know in your head that it needs to be done.......when you start to stray from your path you have that voice that is reminding you where the path is... I added the * because that "SOMEONE" is YOU ALL. So, I will be here, reading...and likely asking you to hold my hand and remind me of where that path is...and from the bottom of my heart - I thank you for showing me (to) the path of detachment. I would love to analyze what difficult child is up to, trade our mother's intuition back and forth. So feel free to chime in with your thoughts. I am likely to ask you to help me put 2 and 2 together in the days and months ahead. But for now, I am OK with just letting it unfold...probably because it's only June and he will be around thru August! Again, I thank you and I love you all.