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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 629406" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>JKF, holidays and birthdays are so hard with difficult children. I know it is hard for you do know you have decided to do nothing on his birthday. </p><p></p><p>I heard an idea the other day on this forum on another thread that I am going to start---open up a bank account and put whatever money I would have given him there. Maybe one day I can give it to him with an open heart and mind. My difficult child's 25th birthday is July 27. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like he is making his way. It's amazing how resilient they are and how they survive in incredible conditions. Look at it this way: he is not waiting on you to make something happen for him, and you have been very clear about where you are right now. </p><p></p><p>I so understand the "new normal" you are describing---talking to him, who is living at the train station, while you are at home. Absolutely crazy and yet, it is reality. It is a reality they have created and we must find a way to not only accept it, but live with it every day.</p><p></p><p>We are not in charge of this part of their lives. They are. And so, we can stay far, far back on the sidelines, and that is the place we should be, at least for now. </p><p></p><p>I hope you are able to start moving on, JKF. I know it is so very hard, the great not knowing, but if you can relax, even a bit, into it, you can see that you may be here for a while, and in the meantime, you can start living again.</p><p></p><p>I am so glad your dad is getting a bit better, and that difficult child is not there anymore. He just doesn't need that in his life.</p><p></p><p>Please keep sharing. We care about you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 629406, member: 17542"] JKF, holidays and birthdays are so hard with difficult children. I know it is hard for you do know you have decided to do nothing on his birthday. I heard an idea the other day on this forum on another thread that I am going to start---open up a bank account and put whatever money I would have given him there. Maybe one day I can give it to him with an open heart and mind. My difficult child's 25th birthday is July 27. It sounds like he is making his way. It's amazing how resilient they are and how they survive in incredible conditions. Look at it this way: he is not waiting on you to make something happen for him, and you have been very clear about where you are right now. I so understand the "new normal" you are describing---talking to him, who is living at the train station, while you are at home. Absolutely crazy and yet, it is reality. It is a reality they have created and we must find a way to not only accept it, but live with it every day. We are not in charge of this part of their lives. They are. And so, we can stay far, far back on the sidelines, and that is the place we should be, at least for now. I hope you are able to start moving on, JKF. I know it is so very hard, the great not knowing, but if you can relax, even a bit, into it, you can see that you may be here for a while, and in the meantime, you can start living again. I am so glad your dad is getting a bit better, and that difficult child is not there anymore. He just doesn't need that in his life. Please keep sharing. We care about you. [/QUOTE]
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