update on court case for burglary charge for difficult child

[pinevalley]

My difficult child went to court for a preliminary hearing last week for a felony charge that he recently received when he was living on the streets. difficult child was charged with burglary for snatching a woman's purse. He took the purse and then got scared and dropped the purse and ran, so the woman got her purse back right away. The cops found my son a short distance away and he admitted to taking the purse. difficult child was held overnight in jail and we went to bond court the next morning and paid for his bond so that he could come home. After this arrest difficult child finally agreed to go to rehab for his drug problem, and he has been in rehab for the past 3 weeks. Anyway, difficult child was at court last week with his attorney, and the case was continued until the end of January. The prosecutor told the judge that she needed more time with this case, because her office has not been able to locate the victim. The prosecutor has sent a supeana to the woman who had her purse stolen so that she could testify that a crime was committed. The woman did not show up in court, and the prosecutor asked for more time to locate this woman. This case was continued for 4 weeks, and our attorney said that if the victim does not show up in court the next time then this case might just get dismissed. This is good news for our difficult child. He still has another misdemeanor case in January for shoplifting, so he will have to appear in court two times next month. Our attorney talked to difficult child for a long time about how serious the felony case is, and how important it is that he gets the help he needs in rehab. I think that difficult child is finally beginning to understand how serious these charges are, all because he was constantly high on weed and K2. He has been drug free for 3 weeks now in rehab, and he is like a completely different person. He looks and sounds healthy now, and he doesn't have that hazy look in his eyes when he was always high. I know that he has a long way to go when he gets out of rehab, but I am not worrying so much about this felony charge now, and I am trying to stay positive about our difficult child.

 

[toughlovin]

I am so glad he is in rehab....sometimes it takes court involvement for them to get the help they need.

I bet you are sleeping better right now.


TL

 

[Nancy]

That's very good news about the felony charge and most likely it will be dropped as long as they can't locate the woman. Perahps her family moved her away. At any rate it's always good to get felony charges dismissed against a young person if possible because those stay with you forever and really impact the rest of your life as you know. What I'm most concerned about is if they are released and he thinks he no longer has to continue rehab. I hope he is beginning to understand he has a problem.

Isn't it wonderful to see them when they are not under the influence. They do look and sound like a totally different person.

Nancy

 

[DammitJanet]

Yeah if she doesnt show up they will dismiss the charges most likely. That happens more often than people think. Our court uses that tactic a lot when they want to get someone off. We have had cases we have brought against people and they simply fail to notify us of the court dates so we dont show up. Cases dropped. Or we show up for the first date and they continue it a few times and they dont tell us when the final date is so we dont know when the next date is. We have had several cases we have had done that way. And I am talking where we are the victims. Its horrible.

 

[Kathy813]

pinevalley, I am glad to hear that your difficult child is in rehab. Admitting to a drug problem is huge. My difficult child fought admitting that she had a substance abuse problem for years. Things finally came to a head this year (long story) and she went to rehab and we are seeing a big difference in her. Not to say there haven't been set backs but it you don't admit that you have a problem, you can't start the road to recovery.

I will keep my fingers crossed that this is just the first step of many in the right direction for your difficult child.

~Kathy

 

[pinevalley]

The felony charge was the only reason that our difficult child agreed to enter an inpatient rehab program. I think that difficult child finally realized that he was in real trouble after he spent one night in jail, and his lawyer told him that it would help his case if he entered rehab and got help for his drug problem. difficult child has learned a lot about recovery and dealing with his problems while he has been in rehab. Of course the big test will come when he is back at home, and when he has to say NO to friends offering drugs to him. I want difficult child to come home, but I am really not looking forward to being on alert all the time for signs of drug use, locking up my cash and credit cards so he doesn't steal them, and blocking many of his drug friends from calling our home and cell phones, etc. It is going to take a long time until we can really trust that difficult child is telling us the truth, because we have been lied to way too many times before.

 

[toughlovin]

Is there a sober house or something else besides coming home that is an option? I think it is really easy to fall into all the same old patterns when they come home.... and yeah it will take a long time to build trust. To be honest it is hard for me to imagine very really trusting my difficult child...ever.

TL

 

[pinevalley]

The staff at rehab are supposed to be working on a discharge plan for difficult child that includes staying at home, plus intensive outpatient therapy and NA meetings every week. Our difficult child is in his last semester in high school, and we think that if he comes back home to live he will have a better chance of passing his classes and graduating from high school. We are hoping that difficult child can stay really busy with school, therapy, NA meeting, volunteer work and hopefully a part time job that he won't have as much free time to just hang out and get high. My husband and I have already told difficult child that he will not have his cell phone or use of a car when he returns home until we see that he is not hanging our with the same drug friends as before rehab. He needs to text with his phone, so we are hoping that this will motivate difficult child to do the right thing when he comes home.

 

[rejectedmom]

Glad he is getting help. Hopefully that was his bottom and from here it will be all upward progress.

 

[DammitJanet]

If you are planning on him coming home then I think you should get a contract signed with him before he comes home that states exactly what you expect, what he understands and the consequences for when and if he breaks even one of the house rules. This needs to be signed by each and every one of you and placed in several places. He should have one, each of you should have one and one should be laminated and posted in the kitchen so he can see it daily.

I wish the best for you but I tried this several times with my son and he broke our trust every time. I didnt listen to my friend and didnt write up the contract. I thought "oh, we talked it out and we all know what we said." Yeah right. He manipulated his father and I six ways from Sunday. With the contract, we could just point to it and say...you did X, here is consequence Y. At some point, consequence Y is going to have to be leaving the house. It was for us. We just couldnt put up with it anymore. Im not saying kick him to the curb with only his clothes on his back. We didnt. We helped him find a place and got him in it.

 

[DDD]

Fingers crossed. I hope he can avoid that lifelong stigma of being a felon. That label doesn't tell anyone what the offender has done...mass murderer or a kid caught with some pills. in my humble opinion a real injustice for all of our society. Sure hoping he lucks out and realizes how lucky he is. Hugs. DDD

 

[pinevalley]

Janet, Thanks for the good suggestions about setting up a contract with our difficult child when he comes back to stay at our home after rehab. My husband and I will work on this contract so that we all have it in place by the time he comes home. I am contacting the counselors at rehab today to see what the status of the discharge plan is for difficult child, and I'll use that plan in our family contract. Thanks again, pv