Update on Cutting....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Dec 4, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Just to bring you all up to speed....

    The day before the bite marks appeared on her neck, difficult child had come home from school in an unusually good mood. My "Mommy Instincts" immediately though "Uh-oh....difficult child must have a new boyfriend."

    So the next day when we saw the marks (originally thinking they were hickies), I figured my suspicions about a new boyfriend were confirmed. difficult child had refused to give up too much info about how the marks got on her neck--other than he was a friend who rode her bus.

    Then when our nurse friend saw them and said those marks aren't hickies, they are bite marks--we immediately put all the clues together (The vampire lore, the razor blades, the band-aids, wearing long gloves to school, constantly keeping a ribbon or scarf tied around her neck) and figured that difficult child must be involved with taking the vampire game a little too far.

    We alerted the school guidance counselor and vice principal--who began an investigation. difficult child denied being "into vampires" at all...says that's not her thing. Downplayed the marks on her neck. Did not implicate any other students. Did not indicate that anyone had been inappropriate with her....just that she had been playing around with a friend.

    Another student came forward as a witness to having seen a boy bite difficult child on the neck, but didn't know the boy's name and didn't indicate that the incident was an "assault" or an "attack".

    The school doesn't believe difficult child's story about not being "into" vampires, so they are continuing to investigate.

    Today, difficult child had an appointment with her regular therapist....

    therapist called to notify me that difficult child is now explaining that the bite marks are the result of an "assault" and that this boy has been sexually harassing her for weeks....not only in words, but touching and grabbing her inappropriately.

    So--it looks as though difficult child is prepared to accuse this boy of sexual harassment and assault....most likely to divert attention from her own involvement in anything inappropriate.

    I feel sick to my stomache....
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    If the school doesn't have anything - have them watch - this is dangerously like BM used to do on Onyxx's behalf.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'd be concerned about who this "boy" is. It's bad enough if it is a boy around her age, but she's a sitting duck for it to be someone much older who really is taking advantage of her to a much worse degree, in my humble opinion.
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O yes!

    And difficult child is such a notorious liar and oh so willing to throw other people under the bus to escape blame....it's hard to know what to believe.

    I'm hoping the school will be able to get to the bottom of this without anyone being unjustly accused of being a sexual offender if that it not the case.

  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I think since you feel in a way that difficult child my be willing to throw someone under the bus? This needs to be monitored by the school a little closer. I would call the counselor back and tell her you really have your doubts about this accusation on difficult child's part before someone innocent gets a charge that he can't get off his record for life.

    OTOT IF this boy IS being sexually aggressive and did manage to block her into a corner, alone, somewhere and hold her against her will somewhere long enough to pin her and bite her in the neck and cause enough damage that it's left marks? Then he needs to be removed and punished.

    This is going to be a tough one to call. I'd like to hear to boys side of this before I pounded a stake through anyone's heart and cut off their head. Know what I mean??

    **Also if she DOES accuse him and he is innocent THIS would give you leverage to get her placed (I think) outside of the home quicker than if you had nothing for the courts to go on. If you are still interested in that. This time however I wouldn't tell her your plans. I'd just have a placement in line and after it was all over? She'd be leaving....I'd have her bag packed.

    Hugs for your pain.
  6. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    My difficult child 1 claimed she was raped, not once but twice--both times the evidence did not add up and she was told she could be arrested for false accusations. She wasted a lot of police time on these 2 occasions (they were about 1 yr apart). She also had me all upset, especially the 1st time since I believed her til the story wasn't adding up.

    I am so sorry your difficult child is causing so much drama and intent on so much self sabotage. I think I became sort of immune to my difficult child's drama after awhile--too much "crying wolf" to take any of her claims seriously after awhile.

    Hugs to you,
  7. aninom

    aninom New Member

    Daisy - what a nightmare. I really don't know what I would believe in this situation (is she saying it was sexual assault only to the doctor because it WAS assault and she feels ashamed and doesn't want to raise a fuss? Or because it WASN'T and she wants the doctor on her pity side, but not the lie to get out of hand and her boyfriend into trouble?)

    I'd also say, you know your own daughter the best. Being somewhat young myself it does sound like she is attracted to the goth/emo side of things, vampires being a very big fad right now.

    Another poster was right, unfortunately, there is always the risk someone older has recognized her as a girl that is in an unsure, troubled place right now, and is using that. On the other hand if this did happen on school grounds I doubt the age difference is that significant - and I wonder that, had she been and felt harassed, she wouldn't have complained about the guy to her friends.

    She doesn't sound like the type to immobilized by shame over inappropriate touching that she wouldn't either protest, tell a friend or two, or casually mention it in general conversation with them. This is how I remember issues of groping and stalking being handled by us in school, on a spectrum, no matter if the guilty guy was an outcast or someone the gropee even felt attracted to: something like it happened, it still felt uncomfortable and you had to share, but making a big fuss about it was a big no-no. I guess I am still torn about what your daughter's behavior means: maybe it did make her feel uncomfortable, but wasn't something she'd want to let anyone in school know how she felt about? What a mess.

    I hope it turns out alright, I hope harassment isn't the issue. I agree with Star: If the allegations turn out to be false, it will be that one big public thing you can use to get the proper channels to take this seriously. Our difficult child was never as extreme at school (when she did show up) as at home: it took a major incident for them to get the full picture.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hard to argue for this incident being against her will, since this boy managed to get his bite marks in exactly the area that difficult child always covers with a ribbon or scarf (about a one-inch section across her neck)--AND it was witnessed by another student, who didn't seem to think it was anything to get alarmed about.

    difficult child is also not the type to "suffer silently"....any time anyone evens annoys her (based upon her own definition of "annoy" at the time)...she is very adamant about getting that person into trouble, or moved, or otherwise dealth with.

    It's very suspicious to me that this kind of sexual harassment would have been going on for weeks without difficult child mentioning anything to anyone. Remember, this is the child that is trying to talk others into murdering her parents--why would she hesitate to seek revenge against a sexual predator?

    It just doesn't add up....
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Star, Jbrain, Animom--

    You may be right about this incident finally being "big" enough to get some serious attention and help for difficult child...

    I just hope that nobody's reputuation is un-necessarily sullied in the meantime.