Update on difficult child 2

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by flutterby, Jun 23, 2010.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I posted this on General because difficult child has been staying at difficult child 2's mom's house for about a week or so. This was planned a couple of months ago while difficult child 2 was not living at home, doing his "I'm going to make my own way", which of course consisted of staying with various friends. difficult child was supposed to spend part of the summer there - respite for the both of us.


    After I kicked out difficult child 2 last week, he ended up back at his mom's. Last night, right after they got home, difficult child 2 attacked his younger brother (difficult child's age, difficult child 2 is 18) and pummeled him. Mom pulled difficult child 2 off, difficult child 2 wrestled away and kept going after his brother. His mom did not call the police. I would have. Younger brother has an ugly bruise just below his left eye. Mom and her boyfriend are fighting because boyfriend said difficult child 2 has to go no matter what. I agree. Mom doesn't seem to be able to kick difficult child 2 out because he has nowhere to go (I told her there are shelters).

    difficult child called me sobbing. I could barely understand her and had to have her repeat herself several times. She was very scared and upset - by the attack and the subsequent screaming going on by about everyone. And difficult child really likes (or did) difficult child 2. She has referred to him as her brother.

    When I got there to pick up difficult child, difficult child 2 came over and said hello. He wouldn't speak to me before because he was angry I kicked him out, but his girlfriend was with him so he had to make a good impression. Either that or he was thinking he might get to come stay here again. I just looked at him and walked into the house. The only thing I feel for that kid right now is anger.

    difficult child seems to be ok. She is very upset and thinks that difficult child 2 needs to go, as well. She said she is not going back if difficult child 2 is there, and I agree. So, I imagine today we will get the rest of her things. She just brought enough to get through last night and today. She just wanted to come home.
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Oh, Heather... I don't blame difficult child for not wanting to have difficult child 2 in the house. I hope that his mom's boyfriend will be able to talk some sense into her about boundaries, at the very least, if not actually show him the door.
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Your difficult child has so many anxiety problems, she did not need to see the violence. I hope this won't have a lasting effect on her, you certainly have had more than enough to deal with lately!
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    He's out of the house - staying with yet another friend. And difficult child has returned to his mom's.

    Yesterday was my melting point. Today was a little better. I plan on not seeing difficult child until Monday (fingers crossed as I have seen her everyday that she's been at E's...in fact, E joked today that we've seen each other more in the last 2 weeks than in the last 6 months combined). I also plan on not answering the phone if difficult child calls. I desperately need a break. I feel like I can't breathe, can't think, can't move and everything is just too much.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry that difficult child was witness to difficult child 2's violence. It is never fun to witness that. Having her come home was totally the right thing to do. So was sending her back when things calmed down. Given her anxiety problems, if she hadn't gone back the scene would have become magnified in her memory and would likely cause major problems if she later went back and maybe just by seeing difficult child 2 or E. Going back ASAP means that she will have positive experiences to at least offset the problems in her mind.

    Not answering the phone for the next few days sounds like an excellent idea. Would it be possible to tell E that you are turning off the ringers on your phones but if she truly must contact you she can leave a text or voicemail and you will return it when you check the phone? I hope that there are no more problems.