update on difficult child, felony charges dismissed (yea!)

[pinevalley]

I wanted to write an update about my difficult child, since he was discharged from a 30 day inpatient program for drug abuse. He has been home now for 3 weeks, and he is back in his high school, trying to finish his senior year. The good news is that the felony charges against difficult child have been dismissed. difficult child was arrested 2 months ago for stealing a woman's purse after he was kicked out of our house and he was desperate for money (probably for drugs). difficult child dropped the purse immediately after he took it from the woman, so nothing was taken from the purse. However he was arrested for burglary, which is a felony charge. He has been to court two times, and each time the prosecutor asked for more time because she was having trouble finding the victim of this crime. The prosecutor stated that they could not locate the woman whose purse was stolen, and they need the victim in court to testify that a crime actually took place. The judge granted one continuance, but then she got annoyed at the second request and would not grant another continuance, so she dismissed this case. So we are very relieved that this case is over. My difficult child has to go to court again for a shoplifting charge, but we are not too worried about this one, because it is not a felony.

difficult child started an intensive outpatient program right after he left rehab, but he was kicked out of that program last week. The director of the program told us that difficult child was not serious about this program, and they do not want him there until he is serious about following the rules of this program. Our son did not want to attend the meetings 3 nights a week, and so he would lie to us that he was getting a ride to the program, when he was actually out with his friends. The director of the program told difficult child that she would give him one more chance last week, but then difficult child stayed out all Friday night with his friends (without our permission)and he did not go to the program on Saturday. When he did not show up on Saturday the director called difficult child and told him that he was discharged from this program.

I have found another intensive outpatient program for difficult child, and I am taking him to this new program tonight. i don't have a lot of hope that he will be successful in this program, but I want to try it. This new outpatient program is just for teens, and they keep the teens busy almost all week so the kids do not have time to get into trouble with other friends. There are a lot of social activities with the group so the teens can have sober fun. This is different from the other outpatient program which was at a local hospital and it was for much older adults. My difficult child has agreed to go to this new program tonight, so that is the first step. He still wants to hang out with user friends, and he has to learn to stay away from these kids.

My husband and I have agreed to keep trying to help difficult child for now. It is a battle every day, wondering if he will go out with his friends and get high each day. I am hoping that the counselors at this new outpatient program can get through to my son, because nothing that h or I can say to him is working. I am reading the book Everything Changes now, and I know that I was very naive to think that difficult child would be "cured" after one 30 day stay in rehab. I now know that this will be a very long struggle for him.

 

[Nancy]

You have done a great job in tracking down services for your difficult child. That's all we can do, they have to actually take advantage of it. Those darn old friends are what draws a lot of our difficult children back in. But if he can replace those friends with others and sober activities it's easier.

I'm glad the felony charges were dropped, because of the impact it has on his future. I hope he doesn't take it to mean he is innocent.

Nancy

 

[InsaneCdn]

I am hoping that the counselors at this new outpatient program can get through to my son, because nothing that h or I can say to him is working.

I'm hoping for you, that the peers in this program can get through to him.
At this age, peer pressure is huge - but it cuts both ways, and if he "relates" to the group, they can really make a difference for each other.

 

[DDD]

Phew/Whew! We have a "felon" (a handful of pills in his unoccupied car and no violent history of any sort..sigh) and at eighteen he signed a guilty plea so he could come home. The label follows for life and I am sincerely happy your difficult child has another chance. I hope he understands that he was wrong and that he is very lucky.

The program you have found sounds like a terrific opportunity. Fingers crossed that he participates fully and can redirect his life. Sending supportive hugs your way. DDD

 

[rejectedmom]

The label follows for life and I am sincerely happy your difficult child has another chance. I hope he understands that he was wrong and that he is very lucky.

DDD is so correct inthis. I too am glad your son has another chance. I hope that he takes all the advice and help he is offered and turns the direction his life has taken around.

 

[pinevalley]

Thanks for the good wishes. I know that difficult child is relieved that he won't have to worry about a felony on his record. Unfortunately he is still hanging out with the wrong friends, and he is showing all kinds of red flags that he is using drugs again. difficult child told me he was willing to start the new outpatient program tonight. However he went out with his friends in the afternoon, and called me when it was time to go to IOP to tell me that he didn't want to go tonight. He is in a car with some friends and they are cruising around about 20 miles from our home. He actually thinks that he can go to IOP on the days that are convenient for him, and skip all the other meetings. I have called the new IOP program to tell them that my difficult child refuses to come to the program tonight. The director told me that I should pick my son up from school tomorrow afternoon and take him directly to the IOP office. He will be there over 2 hours early for the evening session, but this might be the only way that I can get him to the outpatient program. I wish that difficult child was ready to live a drug free life, but I really don't think that he is at this point yet. I will need all the luck that I can get with this defiant teen...

 

[AmericanGirl]

CONGRATS!!! So happy to hear good news!

 

[lovemysons]

Another here that is REALLY glad your son doesn't have a Felony charge on his adult record.

Am hoping your son will wise up before more consequences come his way.
It is obvious that YOU are doing all you can to help him.

Thinking of you,
LMS

 

[Kathy813]

I'm glad that the felony charges were dropped. The main reason that we did not prosecute our difficult child for the check that she forged on our account is that it would have been a felony. We didn't want a felony charge on her record for a $73 theft.

However, unless your son sees the light, there will probably be legal troubles ahead. Eventually his luck will run out. I hope that the new outpatient treatment is the answer. You are right, though, he has to want to stop using drugs. If it was possible to make them stop, none of us would have difficult child's.

~Kathy