Been semi-uneventful lately. A month ago difficult child was headed to his mostly useless psychiatric hospital stay after a pretty nasty scene. psychiatrist titrated zyprexa from 5 up to 7.5, we will now be going up to 10. I know a month isn't long for therapeutic levels in blood. I just feel out of patience for difficult child and the process. difficult child hasn't been a complete beast. (is that a compliment?) He still has that underlying funk thingy going on, the thing that makes his mere presence intolerable. We have avoided outbursts but it is only due to the fact that we pretty much have stepped off and avoid parenting. I feel like he is in control of the house and there is a harmony but only if we follow his rules and don't say anything to him about anything displeasing. We are 3 to 4 weeks away from 3 major events *New baby must come by 12/10, she is breech and requires some planning. I refuse to deal with his issues with a new baby at home. *My mom's new house should close, one of our options for difficult child. Except she had a suspicious area in a recent mamogram and needs a biopsy, so...yeah...not great timing for her. Add to that, that if difficult child moves in with her he is essentially being rewarded with more freedom because he had a violent tantrum that got him "kicked out" of his family home. *Waiting to finish application process for difficult child to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). May or may not get accepted and will be a financial strain. If he is accepted I have some choices. If he isn't accepted I just don't know what else to do. Still a hard choice to make. We have been edgy because difficult child is still cruising along being high maintenance. Then yesterday I look his grades up online and see that he has been marked unexcused absent for a couple classes. Being absent a whole or half day would be bad but mostly mean he played hookie, a normal teen thing. Being marked absent, if accurate, for just one class a day on two different occassions is a marker (here anyway) for sneaking off to smoke weed and then going back to class baked. Drugs and ditching would be new, post hospital behavior, a decline. Of course he emphatically denied ditching or drug use. He also got very angry at the accusation. Trouble is that 1.We have trust and honesty issues with him, duh! and 2.He is a very convincing liar and will defend his lies to the threat of a violent altercation. I will talk to teacher today and order hair folicle drug test. My worry is that I will get no resolution either way. IF he started smoking weed it is very recent and not much so hard to detect and not sure if hair grown out long enough to have good hair collection. Also, teacher may not recall one way or the other if she was accurate in her records, it could have been a mistake or difficult child is a liar. Even if she was right and he ditched he will defend his innocence to the death. He would have been on the verge of a violent incident last night if I hadn't "watched my mouth" with him. While I am glad I avoided a confrontation to that degree I deeply resent him feeling he can raise his tone with me to control and cut off what should be a well deserved parenting session. He could be innocent but his reaction is very worrisome, it was not controlled whatsoever. I also resent the fact that husband and I both feel the strain of his presence even if staying at mom in laws for time being. Just praying to get accepted to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) knowing I hate the idea of the last straw being something he may actually be telling the truth about. Maybe I am just too soft and the last straw was a month ago. I feel like a sucker for considering him to stay with my Mom but he is so close to doing well. His grades are good and his job is going well...we are so close and still so very far away. He is easily managed if no one has a single expectation, not too realistic though. Tired of this up and down, back and forth drama. I'm lost and confused as usual.