"update" on difficult child, well...sort of (long post, sorry)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Farmwife, Nov 4, 2010.

  1. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    Been semi-uneventful lately. A month ago difficult child was headed to his mostly useless psychiatric hospital stay after a pretty nasty scene.

    psychiatrist titrated zyprexa from 5 up to 7.5, we will now be going up to 10. I know a month isn't long for therapeutic levels in blood. I just feel out of patience for difficult child and the process. difficult child hasn't been a complete beast. (is that a compliment?):sick: He still has that underlying funk thingy going on, the thing that makes his mere presence intolerable.

    We have avoided outbursts but it is only due to the fact that we pretty much have stepped off and avoid parenting. I feel like he is in control of the house and there is a harmony but only if we follow his rules and don't say anything to him about anything displeasing. :mad:

    We are 3 to 4 weeks away from 3 major events

    *New baby must come by 12/10, she is breech and requires some planning. I refuse to deal with his issues with a new baby at home.

    *My mom's new house should close, one of our options for difficult child. Except she had a suspicious area in a recent mamogram and needs a biopsy, so...yeah...not great timing for her. Add to that, that if difficult child moves in with her he is essentially being rewarded with more freedom because he had a violent tantrum that got him "kicked out" of his family home. :sick:

    *Waiting to finish application process for difficult child to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). May or may not get accepted and will be a financial strain. If he is accepted I have some choices. If he isn't accepted I just don't know what else to do. Still a hard choice to make.

    We have been edgy because difficult child is still cruising along being high maintenance. Then yesterday I look his grades up online and see that he has been marked unexcused absent for a couple classes. Being absent a whole or half day would be bad but mostly mean he played hookie, a normal teen thing. Being marked absent, if accurate, for just one class a day on two different occassions is a marker (here anyway) for sneaking off to smoke weed and then going back to class baked.

    Drugs and ditching would be new, post hospital behavior, a decline.:anxious: Of course he emphatically denied ditching or drug use. He also got very angry at the accusation. Trouble is that 1.We have trust and honesty issues with him, duh! and 2.He is a very convincing liar and will defend his lies to the threat of a violent altercation.

    I will talk to teacher today and order hair folicle drug test. My worry is that I will get no resolution either way. IF he started smoking weed it is very recent and not much so hard to detect and not sure if hair grown out long enough to have good hair collection. Also, teacher may not recall one way or the other if she was accurate in her records, it could have been a mistake or difficult child is a liar. Even if she was right and he ditched he will defend his innocence to the death.

    He would have been on the verge of a violent incident last night if I hadn't "watched my mouth" with him. While I am glad I avoided a confrontation to that degree I deeply resent him feeling he can raise his tone with me to control and cut off what should be a well deserved parenting session. He could be innocent but his reaction is very worrisome, it was not controlled whatsoever. I also resent the fact that husband and I both feel the strain of his presence even if staying at mom in laws for time being.

    Just praying to get accepted to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) knowing I hate the idea of the last straw being something he may actually be telling the truth about. Maybe I am just too soft and the last straw was a month ago. I feel like a sucker for considering him to stay with my Mom but he is so close to doing well. His grades are good and his job is going well...we are so close and still so very far away. He is easily managed if no one has a single expectation, not too realistic though.

    Tired of this up and down, back and forth drama. I'm lost and confused as usual.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Between your mom's biopsy and your baby, I can see where your stress levels are high enough.
    I am sorry that he is still being a pain, but glad that you're on a list for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and that you are also able to withhold otherwise useless arguments. That is really hard. been there done that. But don't look at it as not being able to parent; look at it as giving him less fuel to argue against.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ugh! I hate that "walking on eggshells" feeling...

    I hope you find some kind of relief soon. I will keep my fingers crossed for Residential Treatment Center (RTC)!
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I'm so sorry you are still dealing with that feeling. Blech. I do not miss that eggshell feeling or constant tension AT ALL. ((HUGS))
  5. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    I've been on the eggshell as well. For us it was a phase to getting a little better. (between violent rages and a more controllable state). It is a very frustrating place to be, and I will never know if we handled it the best. But I do know that we tried the best we could, and reducing the fuel for the next fight did help him develop some control. I don't like the lying and you can't trust him. So yes talk to the teacher, get the drug test (one now and one in 6 months from now), and check up on everything. I too hate the spot you are in.
  6. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I know that walking on eggshells feeling and it really stinks. I hope that your difficult child gets accepted to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and that things will go more smoothly for you at home.

  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Just sending hugs and prayers.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree about that walking on eggshell thing being awful! Hugs.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and prayers.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He is easily managed if no one has a single expectation, not too realistic though.
    That says it all right there. Anyone would be that way. Son of Sam would have been easily managed. Unfortunately, life has rules and expectations and consequences that get in the way.

    My kid was a dream come true if you never asked him to do something he didnt want to do, never said no to him, and gave him everything his heart desired. He was the happiest kid and nicest kid you would ever meet. Till you told him no. Then he turned into a 2 year old even though he was much much older.

    People who dont learn to control frustration learn that someone else will control their frustration for them...inside cells.
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Why did you assume drugs? If he has never done that before, what made you think that?

    Skipping one class to me would have said, "he had a test he wanted to avoid, neglected to complete the homework that was due, needed a nap, spent it in the bathroom possibly with a real need, etc."

    Why drugs?
  12. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    I assumed drugs for a couple reasons.

    First, it seems like a teen rebellion thing. Some generations and parts of the country ebb and flow with it being in style or not so you just never can tell. Here in rural nowhere drugs are an issue because many people grow or manufacture it. The main chemical in meth is very common on a farm. As a "farmwife" I could go get a truckload tomorrow...us normal folk use it as a fertilizer.:laugh:

    Second, difficult child's friends, the so called normal ones have been falling off like dominoes. Although the girls here seem to regard drugs as icky but the boys push boundaries very far. difficult child has been very frank about what his friends do which I appreciate. Problem is that recently he has veered away from a disgust and disinterest into the zone of "it doesn't seem like such a big deal". It's hard to describe the shift, it is subtle and may be nothing but his philosophy is much more casual than it once was.

    ie: He told me that the "smart kids" avoid detection with the rare drug dog visits because the dog checks lockers so the "smart kids" keep the drugs on them in class and no one is the wiser.:surprise: While I appreciate his candor that is very sensitive information for him to know.
  13. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    To be honest I think those are good reasons to suspect drug use. I know one of the first real clues we had that are son was using drugs was when he started skipping classes... yes he was smoking put during school hours when he skipped class! I know it was true for us, and I think it is true for many parents, by the time you are suspecting drug use they have been doing something for awhile. So I would see what you can do to explore that and find out because once drugs are in the mix with our difficult children things get more complicated and difficult.... because drugs become an issue by themselves.