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Update on difficult child...
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 37949" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>I don't want to be negative but what exactly is going to change? Broad generalizations to a teen usually means no specific expectations and no change in difficult child.</p><p>You need an itemized list/contract for him to sign and the listed consequence if he does not change the behavior.</p><p></p><p>1) Curfew. Consequence</p><p>2)acceptable words when talking to family. Consequence</p><p>3)No drugs, no drinking. consequence</p><p>This is just a loose example. You have to individualize it for your own son.</p><p></p><p>You basically must create a structured environment. difficult child's promise you the world to get out of an ugly situation but it's up to you to work on changing the environment so that he changes his mindset. </p><p></p><p>The other bit of input is that this has nothing to do with you missing him or that he is far away from you. This is about the best situation to save him from himself by letting him learn the life lessons to function as a law abiding, tax paying independent adult. It is our sacred promise when we have children to do what is best to help the child. </p><p>Different things work for different kids and parents but you have to look at what difficult child needs to make some progress in the right direction and go that way despite the personal sacrifice and pain.</p><p></p><p>You worry that he will go away and come back unchanged. I agree but you already know if he comes home and nothing changes with you and home that he will not change either. </p><p></p><p>Your worry for grandparents is valid but that isn't the priority in my humble opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 37949, member: 3"] I don't want to be negative but what exactly is going to change? Broad generalizations to a teen usually means no specific expectations and no change in difficult child. You need an itemized list/contract for him to sign and the listed consequence if he does not change the behavior. 1) Curfew. Consequence 2)acceptable words when talking to family. Consequence 3)No drugs, no drinking. consequence This is just a loose example. You have to individualize it for your own son. You basically must create a structured environment. difficult child's promise you the world to get out of an ugly situation but it's up to you to work on changing the environment so that he changes his mindset. The other bit of input is that this has nothing to do with you missing him or that he is far away from you. This is about the best situation to save him from himself by letting him learn the life lessons to function as a law abiding, tax paying independent adult. It is our sacred promise when we have children to do what is best to help the child. Different things work for different kids and parents but you have to look at what difficult child needs to make some progress in the right direction and go that way despite the personal sacrifice and pain. You worry that he will go away and come back unchanged. I agree but you already know if he comes home and nothing changes with you and home that he will not change either. Your worry for grandparents is valid but that isn't the priority in my humble opinion. [/QUOTE]
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