I'm not sure where to start...but I'll just run through a few things going on. I'm battling the flu, and my mind seems even more fogged because of it. Does stress do that to anybody else...where it seems everything is a fog?
I did finally get difficult child to go to the doctor last week. The diagnosis was bronchitis/borderline pneumonia and a sinus infection. He looked horrible. I walked into the room they had put him in, and he immediately started crying. For the record, no matter how awful he's treated me over the last several years, I know he loves me. I tend to blame the drugs for his out lashes at me. And I could feel the love when he hugged my neck ever so tight. They put him on 4 different medications, and he's feeling much better.
I met with his girlfriends grandmother Saturday morning. She's a blessing in every sense of the word. Both of her daughters (including the girlfriends mom) were addicts, and have been clean for 10 years now. This sweet lady has been through the ringer with them. And now, her granddaughter is pregnant (by my son). She said they've all died a thousand times over since learning about the pregnancy, but they are coming to terms with it, and ready to shower that baby with love. It was a relief to her, as well, to meet me and know that I am who I am, and will love that baby with all my heart. I'm still shocked and a little depressed about it, but I know that will change when I lay eyes on that sweet baby. They are trying their best to keep her in school. I pray she doesn't drop out. They have opened their homes to my son. Wow, huh??? They all got together (grandmother, difficult child's girlfriends mother, and her aunt) and decided that if my son will promise to cut off all ties with his friends that do drugs, he can live with the aunt. They have been in his shoes, and want him away from the environment he's currently living in. So, he's moving in tomorrow. I have to say I'm relieved, but the worry is still strong. He's so good at burning bridges. I pray he sees that these people are trying to help him when they really don't have to. They said they are going to help him get a job. I hope that goes well, too. The jobs that he has had, I've helped him get. And he couldn't hold them for very long. Fingers crossed.
His truck is still parked at my house, and I have no intentions on giving it back to him any time soon. He's got a whole lot to prove.
He sent me a text last night that said "I love you and miss you so much mom". I replied, "I love and miss you too, son. I hope you're doing ok". He then said "I hope so mom
I'm hanging in there". And my last reply read this: "There should be no doubt in your mind. Ever. If I didn't love or care about you, I'd let you sit upstairs and smoke drugs all day long and do nothing with your life. But I want the total opposite for you. To live a healthy, happy, and prosperous life. That's all I've ever wanted for you."
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. But I pray it's him putting one foot in front of the other...
I did finally get difficult child to go to the doctor last week. The diagnosis was bronchitis/borderline pneumonia and a sinus infection. He looked horrible. I walked into the room they had put him in, and he immediately started crying. For the record, no matter how awful he's treated me over the last several years, I know he loves me. I tend to blame the drugs for his out lashes at me. And I could feel the love when he hugged my neck ever so tight. They put him on 4 different medications, and he's feeling much better.
I met with his girlfriends grandmother Saturday morning. She's a blessing in every sense of the word. Both of her daughters (including the girlfriends mom) were addicts, and have been clean for 10 years now. This sweet lady has been through the ringer with them. And now, her granddaughter is pregnant (by my son). She said they've all died a thousand times over since learning about the pregnancy, but they are coming to terms with it, and ready to shower that baby with love. It was a relief to her, as well, to meet me and know that I am who I am, and will love that baby with all my heart. I'm still shocked and a little depressed about it, but I know that will change when I lay eyes on that sweet baby. They are trying their best to keep her in school. I pray she doesn't drop out. They have opened their homes to my son. Wow, huh??? They all got together (grandmother, difficult child's girlfriends mother, and her aunt) and decided that if my son will promise to cut off all ties with his friends that do drugs, he can live with the aunt. They have been in his shoes, and want him away from the environment he's currently living in. So, he's moving in tomorrow. I have to say I'm relieved, but the worry is still strong. He's so good at burning bridges. I pray he sees that these people are trying to help him when they really don't have to. They said they are going to help him get a job. I hope that goes well, too. The jobs that he has had, I've helped him get. And he couldn't hold them for very long. Fingers crossed.
His truck is still parked at my house, and I have no intentions on giving it back to him any time soon. He's got a whole lot to prove.
He sent me a text last night that said "I love you and miss you so much mom". I replied, "I love and miss you too, son. I hope you're doing ok". He then said "I hope so mom
I'm hanging in there". And my last reply read this: "There should be no doubt in your mind. Ever. If I didn't love or care about you, I'd let you sit upstairs and smoke drugs all day long and do nothing with your life. But I want the total opposite for you. To live a healthy, happy, and prosperous life. That's all I've ever wanted for you." Who knows what tomorrow will bring. But I pray it's him putting one foot in front of the other...
