Update on difficult child

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Wakegirl, Feb 25, 2013.

  1. Wakegirl

    Wakegirl Member

    I'm not sure where to start...but I'll just run through a few things going on. I'm battling the flu, and my mind seems even more fogged because of it. Does stress do that to anybody else...where it seems everything is a fog?

    I did finally get difficult child to go to the doctor last week. The diagnosis was bronchitis/borderline pneumonia and a sinus infection. He looked horrible. I walked into the room they had put him in, and he immediately started crying. For the record, no matter how awful he's treated me over the last several years, I know he loves me. I tend to blame the drugs for his out lashes at me. And I could feel the love when he hugged my neck ever so tight. They put him on 4 different medications, and he's feeling much better.

    I met with his girlfriends grandmother Saturday morning. She's a blessing in every sense of the word. Both of her daughters (including the girlfriends mom) were addicts, and have been clean for 10 years now. This sweet lady has been through the ringer with them. And now, her granddaughter is pregnant (by my son). She said they've all died a thousand times over since learning about the pregnancy, but they are coming to terms with it, and ready to shower that baby with love. It was a relief to her, as well, to meet me and know that I am who I am, and will love that baby with all my heart. I'm still shocked and a little depressed about it, but I know that will change when I lay eyes on that sweet baby. They are trying their best to keep her in school. I pray she doesn't drop out. They have opened their homes to my son. Wow, huh??? They all got together (grandmother, difficult child's girlfriends mother, and her aunt) and decided that if my son will promise to cut off all ties with his friends that do drugs, he can live with the aunt. They have been in his shoes, and want him away from the environment he's currently living in. So, he's moving in tomorrow. I have to say I'm relieved, but the worry is still strong. He's so good at burning bridges. I pray he sees that these people are trying to help him when they really don't have to. They said they are going to help him get a job. I hope that goes well, too. The jobs that he has had, I've helped him get. And he couldn't hold them for very long. Fingers crossed.

    His truck is still parked at my house, and I have no intentions on giving it back to him any time soon. He's got a whole lot to prove.

    He sent me a text last night that said "I love you and miss you so much mom". I replied, "I love and miss you too, son. I hope you're doing ok". He then said "I hope so mom :( I'm hanging in there". And my last reply read this: "There should be no doubt in your mind. Ever. If I didn't love or care about you, I'd let you sit upstairs and smoke drugs all day long and do nothing with your life. But I want the total opposite for you. To live a healthy, happy, and prosperous life. That's all I've ever wanted for you."

    Who knows what tomorrow will bring. But I pray it's him putting one foot in front of the other...
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope that your difficult child appreciates this opportunity for a place to live and steps up to the plate. In the meantime, you have peace in your home. It sounds like a win-win to me.

    Did he ever go to court and explain to the judge why he hasn't fulfilled the conditions yet?

  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    This could be a huge turning point in his life. He is so young, and the realization that he's going to have a child is a huge responsibility, but it sure looks like he is going to get plenty of support if he makes good choices. I hope he continues to improve, mature and grow into a responsible man.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Sounds like he has a fantastic opportunity to get it together. Maybe he will man up and become a wonderful father...
  5. Wakegirl

    Wakegirl Member

    Thank you all. I'm feeling a little guilty this morning that some strangers (to me...and he's only known them a few months) have taken my child in. It makes me feel like I've failed at being a mother, and makes me wonder if he feels like I really don't want to support him. It's just one of those days...

    Kathy, he was able to reschedule court last week, due to being sick. We now go on March 6. He still hasn't done what the prosecutor ordered him to do...and of course his truck is parked at my house, so that's his excuse. Which, I know how hard it can be to rely on transportation. There's no way the friends he was living with would take him every day to his meetings. But, I just have to keep telling myself that he got himself into this situation....I didn't.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Is there public transportation or is the weather good enough for biking? Even here in MN people bike year round. I think it's crazy but some even have snow tires! Many people can't drive but live with the inconvenience by using cabs, car pools, or bus or bikes. These days cars are so expensive that a cab is not more overall.

    Hope he gets well fast and this opportunity to live with the aunt works out. Please don't feel badly. I was just watching a show a few weeks ago showing how being in the same environment sets off chemicals that compel the body to use. It's better to be in new surroundings. Your messages to him were wonderful.

    What a great mom you are.
  7. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    In this new environment where everyone understands the challenges facing him, your son has a real chance to thrive, Wakegirl. Home, where so many patterns already exist, would have made breaking free of this so much harder. There really is no way you could have taken him back and expected a successful outcome.

    Out of all the bad you have been through, finally something so good....

    I love it that he hugged you and called you Mom. :O)

  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It takes a village........let the village do its job, too.