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Update on Difficult Child
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 661885" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>My step-daughter's mother, my husband's ex-wife, is an alcoholic with Borderline Personality Disorder. She was a teacher, married to a professor, well-educated, home-owning, one of the bright ones. It hits all walks of life, every class, every strata of society.</p><p></p><p>He became a victim of domestic abuse.</p><p></p><p>She had a total breakdown when my step-daughter was 3 months old. She's now 11. Birth-mother is allowed no contact, not even a card, as it has been ruled that any contact would cause my step-daughter serious emotional harm.</p><p></p><p>Anyway...</p><p></p><p>It raises difficult questions doesn't it?</p><p>Is this an illness? </p><p>If you're married to someone and they become ill, then you support them, stay with them. If your spouse suffers a physical illness what do you do? Why is mental illness different? Is it the nature of the mental illness that changes the rules about supporting someone you love? Or is it the behaviour that's the integral part of that mental illness that makes staying untenable, and untenable for family and loved ones to understand? </p><p></p><p>So step-daughter is told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.</p><p></p><p>Social workers say "mummy was ill / is ill. can't look after you, couldn't be your mummy".</p><p></p><p>I stop them.</p><p></p><p>Tell the truth.</p><p></p><p>Because otherwise Daddy becomes an awful person who abandons his wife when she was/is ill.</p><p></p><p>But it's not that simple. Daddy escaped from an impossible situation and took his baby daughter away from danger. But it wasn't a decision taken lightly. He didn't simply walk away without a backward glance.</p><p></p><p>But it won't be easy to explain to his daughter as she gets older.</p><p></p><p>Because it's not simple is it?</p><p></p><p>If your son loves this girl.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 661885, member: 17650"] My step-daughter's mother, my husband's ex-wife, is an alcoholic with Borderline Personality Disorder. She was a teacher, married to a professor, well-educated, home-owning, one of the bright ones. It hits all walks of life, every class, every strata of society. He became a victim of domestic abuse. She had a total breakdown when my step-daughter was 3 months old. She's now 11. Birth-mother is allowed no contact, not even a card, as it has been ruled that any contact would cause my step-daughter serious emotional harm. Anyway... It raises difficult questions doesn't it? Is this an illness? If you're married to someone and they become ill, then you support them, stay with them. If your spouse suffers a physical illness what do you do? Why is mental illness different? Is it the nature of the mental illness that changes the rules about supporting someone you love? Or is it the behaviour that's the integral part of that mental illness that makes staying untenable, and untenable for family and loved ones to understand? So step-daughter is told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Social workers say "mummy was ill / is ill. can't look after you, couldn't be your mummy". I stop them. Tell the truth. Because otherwise Daddy becomes an awful person who abandons his wife when she was/is ill. But it's not that simple. Daddy escaped from an impossible situation and took his baby daughter away from danger. But it wasn't a decision taken lightly. He didn't simply walk away without a backward glance. But it won't be easy to explain to his daughter as she gets older. Because it's not simple is it? If your son loves this girl. [/QUOTE]
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