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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 661912" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I think you are all right. I think it's one of those situations where there are many sides to it.</p><p></p><p>I do think "helping her" and being with her as the "older, more rational person" has been good for him. In fact, he would tell me things he would tell her, that were the same things I used to tell HIM! </p><p></p><p>I do think, as he has worked through things over the past year, it has been instructive for him to see parts of his own life in her. </p><p></p><p>And I do think he has cared about her, perhaps loved her, not sure.</p><p></p><p>I did shut up about it a long time ago, in terms of talking to him about her. He chose her, and so, okay. I am learning that it's not up to me. So I backed off, but I was very scared at times about the relationship. However, I welcomed her here and conversed with her while she was here, etc. I tried to be open and welcoming and not judge her. </p><p></p><p>Turns out, he told my husband a lot when they were digging in the yard together last weekend, and I was out of town. Turns out, she has been threatening my son, saying things like: you better stay with me or I'll tell the police you hit me, and you're on probation, so you'll go back to jail. Things like that. </p><p></p><p>He said: I would tell her, do you think I want to be with somebody who threatens me like that.</p><p></p><p>Back last summer, when he was stabbed by her, he was her staunchest defender, hocked his TV to get her out of jail, on and on defending her. Now, his ardor has cooled, it appears. </p><p></p><p>He said, Mom, you can't just get somebody out of your house did you know that? I talked to the police and they said that even though she isn't paying rent, if she is getting mail here, I have to go through the eviction process. </p><p></p><p>He also said the girlfriend taunted him about that and said she refused to leave but she knew he couldn't do anything about it.</p><p></p><p>He also said he had taken pictures of her arms, where she cut herself, to show to his probation officer. He said he was letting the PO know in case the girlfriend started accusing him.</p><p></p><p>I do think he is lonely and there's that. All of his old friends have moved on with their lives. He basically works and sleeps. That's another need she filled. </p><p></p><p>So...not sure where the love went, but it doesn't sound like too much is still there. Anyway, of course, there is never any guarantee in any relationship with anybody that things won't go south in any one of 100 ways. Ours and theirs. </p><p></p><p>And the next girlfriend could be worse, I realize that. I don't know, I have just been afraid that despite how well he is doing, with someone like that, you never know what is going to happen and you can get caught in the crossfire whether you do anything or not. </p><p></p><p>He seems to be very concerned about crossing all of his Tourette's Syndrome and dotting his Is with probation, paying off fines, etc. I'm not saying he is all perfect and she is the problem. I don't see her that way. I see her as very troubled and her situation is heartbreaking. I can only imagine her family's pain.</p><p></p><p>However...to be honest...I don't want them together. And I know that isn't up to me. I am still hoping that they are done, and that at some point, there is somebody healthier---in her own right---in his life. But I do see that she has played a role in his life over the past period of time, and perhaps that role has been even good, at least necessary, for sure.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 661912, member: 17542"] I think you are all right. I think it's one of those situations where there are many sides to it. I do think "helping her" and being with her as the "older, more rational person" has been good for him. In fact, he would tell me things he would tell her, that were the same things I used to tell HIM! I do think, as he has worked through things over the past year, it has been instructive for him to see parts of his own life in her. And I do think he has cared about her, perhaps loved her, not sure. I did shut up about it a long time ago, in terms of talking to him about her. He chose her, and so, okay. I am learning that it's not up to me. So I backed off, but I was very scared at times about the relationship. However, I welcomed her here and conversed with her while she was here, etc. I tried to be open and welcoming and not judge her. Turns out, he told my husband a lot when they were digging in the yard together last weekend, and I was out of town. Turns out, she has been threatening my son, saying things like: you better stay with me or I'll tell the police you hit me, and you're on probation, so you'll go back to jail. Things like that. He said: I would tell her, do you think I want to be with somebody who threatens me like that. Back last summer, when he was stabbed by her, he was her staunchest defender, hocked his TV to get her out of jail, on and on defending her. Now, his ardor has cooled, it appears. He said, Mom, you can't just get somebody out of your house did you know that? I talked to the police and they said that even though she isn't paying rent, if she is getting mail here, I have to go through the eviction process. He also said the girlfriend taunted him about that and said she refused to leave but she knew he couldn't do anything about it. He also said he had taken pictures of her arms, where she cut herself, to show to his probation officer. He said he was letting the PO know in case the girlfriend started accusing him. I do think he is lonely and there's that. All of his old friends have moved on with their lives. He basically works and sleeps. That's another need she filled. So...not sure where the love went, but it doesn't sound like too much is still there. Anyway, of course, there is never any guarantee in any relationship with anybody that things won't go south in any one of 100 ways. Ours and theirs. And the next girlfriend could be worse, I realize that. I don't know, I have just been afraid that despite how well he is doing, with someone like that, you never know what is going to happen and you can get caught in the crossfire whether you do anything or not. He seems to be very concerned about crossing all of his Tourette's Syndrome and dotting his Is with probation, paying off fines, etc. I'm not saying he is all perfect and she is the problem. I don't see her that way. I see her as very troubled and her situation is heartbreaking. I can only imagine her family's pain. However...to be honest...I don't want them together. And I know that isn't up to me. I am still hoping that they are done, and that at some point, there is somebody healthier---in her own right---in his life. But I do see that she has played a role in his life over the past period of time, and perhaps that role has been even good, at least necessary, for sure. [/QUOTE]
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