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Update on Difficult Child
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 703697" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Dear Ksm,</p><p></p><p>Maybe it’s now time to stop doing all things to cover for her mishaps. She has continued to slip up on various things over and over, and it always comes back to you to try to fix it and repair it someway. If she always has you to call on, she has no reason or motive to ever learn to do or be responsible for herself? Why should she? She has you.</p><p></p><p>It appears you cannot help her as readily now, since she is in a different place. I gather you are still going to look for her license (and what else is she missing?), but if you don’t find it, maybe this is the time to get the message across for her to work things out herself ~ to shock her more or less into the reality of life. Put the burden on her<em>.</em> She needs to learn to do it.</p><p></p><p>To get her started, you could tell her you looked online for information, and you can send her the websites that explain procedures and contact info on how she can get her own birth certificate, and how to get a replacement SSA card, and state ID for the state she is living in.</p><p></p><p>Also, send the website that explains procedures and contact info regarding how to get her replacement drivers license. She will likely first have to get her replacement license, in order to have that as a picture ID to get her birth certificate and SS card and state ID card. (I don't how or if there is a way for her to request the replacement license by mail, for them to send her a replacement license by mail to her address of record (yours?) and then you mail it to her (?)</p><p></p><p>If she really is not able to get any ID, and finds she needs to return home (by finding her own way) in order to get a replacement license, then the seriousness of the situation may sink in for her to be more responsible herself (since others (you) can not / will not cover for her and take care of it for her forever.)</p><p></p><p>Tell her to take care of it herself. This "turning point" may surprise her that you are telling her to do it herself, but she must start sometime. Why delay it? She shouldn't have the freedom of trying to think she is acting like an adult, being out of your house and doing what she pleases, and then still be able to have you fix everything for her when she messes up.</p><p></p><p>I hope this does not sound harsh, Ksm. But this new development all sounds like “<em>rinse … repeat</em>” over and over. I know you are so frustrated and exhausted from it all, but it looks like there is no need for her to step up to the plate, as long as you keep covering her tracks.</p><p></p><p>I empathize with you. Take heart. We are here for you and understand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 703697, member: 19617"] Dear Ksm, Maybe it’s now time to stop doing all things to cover for her mishaps. She has continued to slip up on various things over and over, and it always comes back to you to try to fix it and repair it someway. If she always has you to call on, she has no reason or motive to ever learn to do or be responsible for herself? Why should she? She has you. It appears you cannot help her as readily now, since she is in a different place. I gather you are still going to look for her license (and what else is she missing?), but if you don’t find it, maybe this is the time to get the message across for her to work things out herself ~ to shock her more or less into the reality of life. Put the burden on her[I].[/I] She needs to learn to do it. To get her started, you could tell her you looked online for information, and you can send her the websites that explain procedures and contact info on how she can get her own birth certificate, and how to get a replacement SSA card, and state ID for the state she is living in. Also, send the website that explains procedures and contact info regarding how to get her replacement drivers license. She will likely first have to get her replacement license, in order to have that as a picture ID to get her birth certificate and SS card and state ID card. (I don't how or if there is a way for her to request the replacement license by mail, for them to send her a replacement license by mail to her address of record (yours?) and then you mail it to her (?) If she really is not able to get any ID, and finds she needs to return home (by finding her own way) in order to get a replacement license, then the seriousness of the situation may sink in for her to be more responsible herself (since others (you) can not / will not cover for her and take care of it for her forever.) Tell her to take care of it herself. This "turning point" may surprise her that you are telling her to do it herself, but she must start sometime. Why delay it? She shouldn't have the freedom of trying to think she is acting like an adult, being out of your house and doing what she pleases, and then still be able to have you fix everything for her when she messes up. I hope this does not sound harsh, Ksm. But this new development all sounds like “[I]rinse … repeat[/I]” over and over. I know you are so frustrated and exhausted from it all, but it looks like there is no need for her to step up to the plate, as long as you keep covering her tracks. I empathize with you. Take heart. We are here for you and understand. [/QUOTE]
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