Update on difficult child's Status- Very Long

klmno

Active Member
First, difficult child called and said that the charge at Department of Juvenile Justice was unfounded- that he had rash in the 'private area' and had been to a nurse earlier in the week who'd given him an ointment to try and told him to check to see if it helped; if it made the rash worse or if it started itching, to put another medication slip in. He said this staff lady walked by to do her rounds, then cam back 7 mins later instead of 15 min later and in the meantime, he was looking to see if his rash was worse or not. Anyway, he said she'd also written up a few other boys that night for the same thing and one boy was just standing to go to the bathroom. He called last night and said another staff had told him that they are now investigating the staff lady who did this because boys wrote grievences on her- that she was going around every few mins TRYING to see something like this. Hopefully, that will go away but difficult child is worried- he doesn't want it in his record even though it's only a facility record, and he says charges like this are extremely hard to beat but no one beleives a kid who denies an allegation like that. He'
s trying to get the medication staff and discipliinary staff to communicate so he can at least prove that he had a rash, had been to a dr, and had a medication to trial.

Now, for the exhausting issue of where difficult child goes upon release and what the parole plan will be:
I can't remember where things stood when I posted last but difficult child was accepted into a re-entry program that offers intensive monitoring services if difficult child comes straight home. I intially bucked at that. The PO somewhat gave me an option of difficult child going into the re-entry group home, then coming home with these services, coming straight home with these services, and said the only other option was for difficult child to go to a foster home. Now I did think that was meant to be a bluff to force my hand but wasn't positive so I said maybe we should consider the option of a foster home.

I agreed to talk to the lady from the re-entry program first, then let him know my preference. I went off on that lady because 1) she sounded like she was a uised car salesman trying to get me to buy into a 'wonderful' program but couldn't answer specific questions about services and how they would play out in difficult child's life. Also, she said difficult child would be there around 6 mos or more and would have to earn his way thru phases and thru 'treatment' to earn his way out and then 'they would let him come back home'. I told her to forget it. Then she said that all that could be tailored differently, so don't give up, let her talk to her director and she'd get back to me within a couple of days with specifc answers to questions and concerns. Fine. She didn't get back to me in a couple of days.

So, I called PO and left VM that I have not gotten answers and difficult child's release date is quickly approaching and I didn't know what to do but since we can't get on the same page, maybe it was time for me to get an attny on board. He called back the next morning and said he'd like to have a meeting with me and re-entry lady so we all could get on the same page and I could get these questions and concerns addressed and I said that would be great. And he asked if I'd mind if his super sat in the meeting and I thought that was a great idea, too.

We had that meeting yesterday. It resolved zilch. It's all of our faults, too. Re-entry lady apparently thought she was there to answer questions and get me to buy into the group home plan. But PO had told me that he/we had not committed to this plan yet. Super apparently thought she was there to re-inforce PO's authority to make parole plan however he wanted it, which I never questioned but PO had told me he was given me some choices and was willing to consider my input. I, on the other hand, thought I was there to lay out specific difficult child problems, discuss these, and provide input on what treatment plan might help, ask questions, and try to come to agreement on what would be the best approach and placement for difficult child. So, as an experienced CD board warrior mom, I go in with a type written list of 'issues' that I have concerns about and bulleted specifics (such as, My Safety: No more physical aggression from difficult child in the home, difficult child's Well-being: No more cutting himself or letting others burn himself, No more sneaking out at night, difficult child needs a male mentor, Having peace in the home: Not being bombarded with 'services' that are only dealing with rewards and consequences and are leaving us stressed all the time, etc), Ideas for incentives and rewards for difficult child to help keep him motivated (I mainly did this so they could see that I do realize the importance of 'rewards' and that my ideas are age-appropriate), Questions/concerns regarding this re-entry plan (including what her idea was if difficult child pulled a knife and robbed me again- did she have any better plan than for me to call 911 and have him arrested? Would difficult child be supervised by staff who would be awake 24/7 in her group home? What did he have to do to earn his way out of the group home?), List of my ideas that I thought would help difficult child if included in the parole/transition plan, and additional questions for PO, such as what is the parole plan going to be if difficult child was to go to a foster home?

Basicly, I wanted to get to the bottom of these things and get this on the table, out in the open- Why does supervision get stricter if difficult child is living with me instead of in dss or in a Department of Juvenile Justice group home when this is not a situation of having a parent that doesn't report parole violations?, What do all these 'monitoring' ideas accomplish as far as preventing difficult child from sneaking out at night, harming himself, or becoming aggressive with me? How doees having more people dictate rules to difficult child help him re-establish that I'm his parent and he needs to respect that? If difficult child has done his time in Department of Juvenile Justice incarcerated, what purpose does it serve to add in additional sanctions by having him earn his way out of another program? How does taking over the parental decisions, or any of this, serve to put our family back together? Wouldn't we then be left some months down the road sitting at the same table saying 'now what do we do because the same problems and concerns are still not addressed'? Is difficult child better off going to a foster home where he can concentrate only on parole requirements and getting out of the system, then once he's aged out, as I'm sure that will be the only way he gets out of it, he and I can try to pick up the pieces of our family then?

Then once all that was on the table, it became a different story. The re-entry lady went back to 'they can tailor their program' and went back and forth so many times people quit listening to her. So who knows what plan difficult child would have if he went to that group home. I should also point out- I drove by that group home and it's a pitiful looking dump that just rec'd fed funding to try to help transition youth out of Department of Juvenile Justice because this state has had a horrible problem with kids getting put back into Department of Juvenile Justice 3 mos after being released. And this is their answer?? Super, on the other hand, immediately went to 'dss isn't going to let this kid go live in someone's home as a foster child'!! Yep, I figured that. (Hopefully that will prevent future 'threats' to me that if I don't agree to parole plan, difficult child will go to foster care.) And super said again that she and PO thought difficult child should be in the group home for the safety of the public. At that point, I told her that so far, I am the only 'public' that difficult child had pulled a knife on and robbed so I thought I had every right to have some input into his transition plan. (Really, where are they going to put difficult child and be able to dictate every rule and circumstance in that placement at this point?) And then I pointed out that I was not there to dictate the parole plan, however, PO had told me the three options for placement upong difficult child's release and I was just trying to honestly weigh each one before providing my feedback, as he requested, then I looked at PO and asked if this wasn't why this meeting was called? He stuttered around on that. I got up to leave saying I didn't see what else could be accomplished and that I would possibly need to consult an attny regarding dss placement.

PO then walked out with me, asked if we could meet privately, explained that his super was just trying to back up what he'd written in difficult child's file and said I had option, still- 1) that group home, 2) the re-entry program intensive monitoring with difficult child having a caseworker and difficult child coming straight home, 3) forget the re-entry program and difficult child gets ankle bracelet with home checks for some period and he can get difficult child a therapeutic mentor, with difficult child coming straight home. 4) I can file for dss to releive ciustody but dss will most assuredly require Department of Juvenile Justice to put difficult child in that re-entry group home and not allow difficult child into anyone's foster home for a very long time.

He's suggesting the re-entry monitoring with difficult child coming home and also putting a therpeutic mentor in place. We have agreed that any case worker or mentor needs to be a male. Super stuck by recommendation for group home. Re-entry lady pushed for her services of any sort- of course they can't keep that fed funding if they don't get a certain number of clients and prove services.

I am so sorry this got so long- Bless anyone who made it thru! Please offer advice- what should I do? What will give my son the best chance without just adding in more punishment to buy time and prolong the inevitable?

Oh- the super said they had NEVER had a parent come in with all the 'real' issues just clearly spelled out and handed to them and that it was obvious I had valid concerns and loved my son very much and really just wanted our relationship to heal and wanted what is in his best interest. (quietly thinking to myself....yes, I AM a CD board mom! LOL!)

And, what I had asked for: difficult child goes 'someplace safe' for 1-3 mos while he and I work on our relationship and he shows that he can live civilly without being guarded 24/7 and PO goes ahead and starts the parole requirements with a caseworker or mentor in place and then when I decide I'm comfortable with difficult child moving back in with me, he comes back to live with me, keeping the mentor and other parole requirements in place in order to help difficult child transition. They are telling me they can't do that- no group home or temp placement will let me decide when difficult child will come back home. I find that hard to belive- but I can see that maybe dss wouldn't take difficult child into one of their group homes where this can be done as long as dss knows Department of Juvenile Justice has funding and a group home where he can go.

One good thing- someone finally got the point why I refused in home therapyy. First, super got it why behavior mod was never going to solve the problems in my home and secondly, supoer said difficult child and I needed therapy where when the session was over, we weren't left there alone to deal with all this anger and pain- he could go to his little corner for a while, and I could go to mine, and it would take some time to work thru this enough to get it out and we could be alone together. Exactly! They have no answer to that- if difficult child goes to group home, they will allow me to pick him up and take him to a therapist for family therapy and bring him back to group home.....yeah, but there's that trip alone in the car. Why can't it ahppen att group home? The only therapy available there is the behavior mod- getting a behavior contract in place for parent/teen. Sigh. This is probably why this state can't provide anything effective- once a kid is in one agency, no other agency will spend money from their pool on the kid- they spend their time telling that agency they have to provide any service the kid gets instead of sharing the cost and being able to provide a variety of types of services.
 
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klmno

Active Member
I'm supposed to tell PO final answer on Monday. I should have taken an attny who's familiar with this system to that meeting with me so she could let me know if I'm being BSd about these really being the only options. I can still do that, however, we are in a time crunch now because if I hold this plan up, difficult child will have to be held in Department of Juvenile Justice past his scheduled release date just because no plan is in place- that wouldn't help his resentment toward me any at all.
 

buddy

New Member
Can you consult with someone today? I know it is short notice but maybe a lawyer would make a 30-45 min appointment for you, you are so organized, heck bring this post. It is really clear and though you feel it is long, it is what needs to be said.

I like your plan the best, of course, and in future, you should be running programs for re-entry.... but for now, what did she mean it can be individualized and then they say no it can't. Something is fishy and I think your funding/political concerns are valid.

You did a great job with that, it sounds so overwhelming. But you kept the issues on the table. Really cool. I hope that your gut and heart lead you to the best of the objectionable options. It may come down to that, listing pro's and con's and adding things up.

Keep processing here, you were very clear and would have influenced me if I was one of those at the meeting.
 

JJJ

Active Member
The re-entry homw doesn't have final say when difficult child gets to leave, the PO does. So the PO can make a plan that (1) places difficult child in the group home under the condition that group home staff transport difficult child to/from all medical appointments including therapist (2) PO decides when difficult child gets to leave.

The reality is that if difficult child isn't 'working the program' at the re-entry home, then he isn't going to be safe to return to you. If he is working the program but family therapy is bombing, PO needs to be able to keep him there anyway.
 

klmno

Active Member
The re-entry homw doesn't have final say when difficult child gets to leave, the PO does. So the PO can make a plan that (1) places difficult child in the group home under the condition that group home staff transport difficult child to/from all medical appointments including therapist (2) PO decides when difficult child gets to leave.

Are you suggesting this or are you saying this is reality already? If this is the way it really is already, then I am being BSd- no surprise given past hx and the fact that this PO always is trying to end up being 'the good guy'- but then an attny told me that is part of the method of CSU in this state- the PO stays 'the good guy'. OK, it sounds like i just need to bite the bullet and get an attny on board. This is difficult child's last chance as a juvenile and there are a few opportunnities for services that might actually help him and us and I don't want to blow this last opportunity for him and for our relationship.

I have to say that I like this idea-
 

JJJ

Active Member
Get an attorney on board. The judge is the #1 authority on where difficult child goes and when. The judge should issue a court order with the terms of difficult child's release. Court orders are just that - ORDERS, not suggestions. If the judge orders difficult child to the re-entry home, pending PO and Mom agreeing that he is ready to return home on an ankle bracelet (or whatever), then that is it - a court ORDER with the full POWER of the law behind it.

Of course, that is how it is suppose to work. You seem to be dealing with a very difficult child-system. I think having your own attorney is a very good idea. Definitely interview a few as not all are comfortable bucking the system.
 

klmno

Active Member
OK- that sounds ideal and I hope it's not 'too good to be true'- I'll see what I can do. It's the 'not all are willing to buck the system' that will be an issue. We have attnys in this state that work in the juvie regularly and they aren't too willing to do anything except back up the clique; we have some attnys that see how grotesque the juvie system is but, as a result, have no inside connections or a lot of chance of winning it. That is a big problem- unfortunately, our state politics control all the local officials by massive contributions, backing, etc.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
I would want the group home to have to deal with all his appointments with the po, caseworkers, mentors, etc so you dont have to deal with that garbage. If they want to do a nice little behavior contract with him, go for it. They will probably offer him new sneakers or an Mp3 player or Ipod for going to school and coming right home and keeping his room clean or something that he will like. More power to them. Those are things you wouldnt be doing so he will probably work for them. Not a reflection on you. They just tend to have the funding for expensive carrots. Dont worry about it.

You can look and visit several of the group homes. Dont just pick the first one offered. Visit several different times to see what they are doing. Make sure you see them when the boys are there. Make sure you are going to be able to visit. Find out if you will be called if he gets sick...very sick. You dont need to be called if he gets a sore throat or a splinter. Can you bring treats to the boys?

Family therapy. Can you have it at the therapists office and can the mentor bring difficult child to the office or can someone else bring him from the home? Not you. That way he goes back to the group home with them and you go home alone since that seems to be a point of conflict. That really shouldnt be an issue. That happened all the time with Cory's group home. For that one session, you could make a point of taking off from work since all his other stuff was being done at the group home. Also you should be able to do one family therapy session a month by phone. One in person a month and one by phone. Or if you do it weekly, one weekly in person, next week by phone, next week in person, next week by phone. You get the drift. Cory's therapist did that for us because we lived over an hour and a half away.
 

klmno

Active Member
Here's the issue- one of them- the people running the group home are the same people who will be doing the monitoring and caseworker so difficult child doesn't have all those appts when living there- and no ankle bracelet when living there. All that starts up when he moves in with me- along with 30 days house arrest to start off with. That's what led to my question about why does this get stricter once difficult child lives with me. The lady said "oh, because he's supervised when he lives in the group home". I got a tad defensive then over that implying that he wasn't superviseed at home. And WTH- if he's not on an ankle bracelet and they don't have staff who stays awake 24/7, even she admitted there was nothing to stop difficult child from sneaking out at night or walking off from school and being truant. These were the issues we had when difficult child was released before. AND after earning his way out of the group home, he then moves in with me with no less monitoring or face-to-face meeting requirements than he'd have if he came straight home. I don't mind at all if they are using typical things to motivate him. I just don't want 'moving back in with mom' to be the motivator because then once he moves back in with me, what's supposed to motivate him? Especially the first time he gets mad at me? He has to learn that there are other things to get motivated about and view our relationship separate, in my humble opinion.

This re-entry program is the only choice for a group home- they only have 2, both in this general area, and I had already advocated for one due to sd requirements and the other one blowing any opportunity for difficult child to still get an advanced diploma that he says he wants, even though he reeally probably won't stick to it. Still, the other one will be worse for educational opportunities. I don't know about taking stuff there but I was told parents can visit and the kid gets a pass to leave with a parent for a short period after they do well for one month. Then that time is gradullay increased as the boy progresses.

As far as family therapy, I love the idea of them transporting difficult child but I don't know that they will. They have a so-called family therapy that is a requirement for both the boys and the parents if the boy is in the group home but it most-assuredly is the behavior contract they want set up before the boy returns home. I said that at the meeting and the re-entry lady didn't deny that. See, these re-entry people basicly take over the parole requirements and parental decisions, not just while in the group home, but for a min of 90 days after the kid comes home. That puts it around 9-11 mos before difficult child ends up home with just typical parole requirements. That would be worth it I guess, if I thought it was the magic ticket to difficult child's success. But in all honestly, I don't think it is. It isn't tailored to a boy's specific areas of risks, mainly. For instance, difficult child needs that ankle bracelet for a while whether he comes straight home or goes to the group home. Their whole approach is to deal with kids who weren't supervised at home. difficult child normally didn't disappear in the evenings after school and if he did, he knew I'd tell PO, and I did- the same as these people will. But they have no more than I did to prevent difficult child from sneaking out at night or leaving school if he's not on the bracelet.

The only things this group home offers that I think is needed is that time to do some family therapy- to deal with all this resentment, fear, his issues with me, etc. That is important, if they will transport him and if the therapy really helps. But, is it worth getting difficult child caught up in this program, which really is more punishment and them taking over our lives for 9-11 months, then still having regular parole requirements? Can family therapy solve enough to make it worth it and give difficult child a better chance and relieve my fears enough once he's living with me? Or are we just prolonging the inevitible with this group home placement first? Will it help difficult child stop and think and change his mind the next time he has the urge to grab a steak knife and rob me and bust out the door to disappear and do Lord knows what and come back stoned and burnt or cut?

What I'm not sure about is that dss wouldn't take difficult child into one of their group homes (I do agree that they aren't going to put him into a family foster home, given his juvie offenses against me). But, in a dss group home, I can't imagine that they'd require a kid to have a certain length of stay where he had to earn his way out- they want them out as soon as they can get them home due to costs and limited openings, right? But, if I took the abandmont route (my least favorite choice), they would hold difficult child in Department of Juvenile Justice until PO and dss worked a plan out with courts and that probablly would lead to this re-entry group home. If I get an attnyy and talk with dss about a short term group home placement thru them, that would take some time and PO would be involved and that's when dss would be trying to get all services provided thru Department of Juvenile Justice because they don't want to spend any of their money on a kid in the Department of Juvenile Justice system/funding pool. So, ssmall chance of winning and causing difficult child to be held in Department of Juvenile Justice until it all got settled.
 

klmno

Active Member
Here's the group home info- it is also a program/placement used when a difficult child messes up while on probation, as an alternate to prevent going into Department of Juvenile Justice. It's too bad difficult child never had an option like this. But, why put him thru this 'sentence' after just working his way thru anger management treatment and his incarceration at Department of Juvenile Justice?

The ABCD Boys Home is a residential group home for boys aged 13-17. The program serves boys with behavioral/emotional/mental health issues who are unable to remain in their homes. Realizing that lasting change cannot occur without family treatment and involvement, family counseling is a required component of the program in all cases except those in which the youth is in the custody of the Department of Social Services.

With a capacity of 12 boys, the ABCD Boys Home provides the support and structure needed to make positive changes. The average length of stay at the group home is four to eight months, determined by the resident's progress on his individualized treatment plan.

The ABCD Boys Home offers the following services:
Individual and family counseling;
Aggression Replacement Training, an evidence-based model program that addresses social skills, anger control, and moral reasoning;
Gender-specific groups that address the male role in society and healthy intimate relationships with others;
Post-release transition services, providing 90 days of follow-up services and case management after graduation from the Boys Home;
Academic support and literacy services, including collaboration with the public schools, tutoring with a special education teacher twice a week, and structured study hour four times a week;
Recreation and pro-social activities.

Here's the re-entry program difficult child will have when he comes to live with me, whether it is right away or after the group home placement:

The Commission's Intensive Supervision models features electronic monitoring, drug testing, using laboratory confirmed urine drug screens, curfew monitoring, 24-hour/day counselor availability for crisis intervention, and face to face client contacts at a minimum of three to four times per week in the home and the community. These measures provide the counselor with reliable information on parental supervision and provide support to the family, ensuring the youth's accountability and compliance with the expectations of the Court and the Intensive Supervision Program.

Individual and family support is a core component of Intensive Supervision. At the onset of services, the counselor works to stabilize the family, empower the parents, and establish higher levels of structure and supervision in the family. Connecting families with needed resources is critical, both while the youth is in the program and especially after the youth is no longer receiving services.

Program Objectives:
To provide intensive supervision to ensure youth accountability.
To assure the youth's availability for court.
To prevent new criminal charges while in the program.
To prevent out of home placement and strengthen individual and family protective factors.
To assure that only those youth presenting a threat to themselves or others are kept in secure confinement.
To utilize community resources to enable families to manage their own lives without further involvement from the court.
To prevent further delinquency through a system of program incentives and progressive consequences.


This sounds similar to MST with additional monitoring- similar to what DF and some others here have tried and I don't recall hearing any success stories. This is the area where I asked the lady what better plan than calling 911 she could come up with if difficult child used a knife to rob me again. I got no answer to that, of course. And with this, we'd still have required meetings with PO. The only benefit I can see to this is maybe if difficult child messed up while on this program, he then could get in that program instead of detention or recommitment.

The only other thing PO brought up was to chuck these re-entry people altogether and go with electronic monitoring (the ankle bracelet) for 30 days of house arrest, then a curfew, and the whole while difficult child having a therapeutic mentor. Basicly, the same as last time except with the ankle bracelet (this is welcomed by me), and he wants to use a company for the mentor that has a good reputation for being dependable and providing good services (I've even heard good things about this company from a board member here), instead of us ending up with a mentoring program where they didn't even have anyone available for weeks after difficult child's release, like last year. Also, they understood when I explained why difficult child needed the mentor more on weekends than on week nights.

The thing is, difficult child wasn't even trying last year. It's impossible to know if he'll try this time.
 

buddy

New Member
I'm trying to follow, so please forgive me if I am off base here. What you say about them not having any more than a good difficult child parent like you is so amazing. I am sure their perspective IS that it is the parent's fault, and good parenting would have solved this. So, they are not really difficult child oriented, they are typical teen rebelion oriented it seems... well whatever it is, that must be a huge frustration.

So, what would happen if you tried the option to go directly home and it didn't work? Could the carrot (not really a carrot, avoidance of a nasty veggie) be that if he doesn't do well, if he threatens or does aggress, then it is off to the group home.... Well, I guess then at that point it is new charges and he will go back to Department of Juvenile Justice... Ok, instead, it is off to the group home even for a threat or not complying with family therapy etc. Would they allow a back up plan or is it one thing and one thing only? You would still have the issue of being together immediately after family therapy sessions, and for that, could his mentor time be that they pick him up and take him right then?

Just grasping at straws here. Praying for some clarity on their part for you! luv, Dee
 

klmno

Active Member
So, what would happen if you tried the option to go directly home and it didn't work? Could the carrot (not really a carrot, avoidance of a nasty veggie) be that if he doesn't do well, if he threatens or does aggress, then it is off to the group home....

That's what I'd like to see- actually, use the threat of going back to Department of Juvenile Justice but then if difficult child messes up but not so greatly as using a knife, if he just starts pushing the limits too much, then it's the group home that he actually gets instead of all the in-detention-out of detention revolving door koi that he got last year until he landed himself back in Department of Juvenile Justice.

Just to clarify, I do realize that this program has more, like a caseworker, it's just that they don't seem to have more that addresses the bigger concerns for my difficult child specifically- like sneaking out at night- in their group home. No one is awake all night and he wouldn't be on an ankle bracelet. My difficult child was sneaking out at night and also leaving school after 1st period and roaming the streets all day. All their people can't stop him from doing that, and the lady acknowledged that. The ONLY thing that helps difficult child get caught for this is the ankle bracelet.

I REALLY love the idea that a mentor picks difficult child up at the end of family therapy- that would be perfect because he'd have a male role model to talk to about it if he wanted to. Or, they could go do something fun if difficult child needed a pep talk or just to get his mind onto something else. That would be an issue with coordinating a therapist's schedule with a mentor's schedule, but something to shoot for, definitely. difficult child might even be able to maintain if his mentor was going to be picking him up an hour or so after we got home...maybe.
 

buddy

New Member
it's just that they don't seem to have more that addresses the bigger concerns for my difficult child specifically- like sneaking out at night- in their group home. No one is awake all night and he wouldn't be on an ankle bracelet. My difficult child was sneaking out at night and also leaving school after 1st period and roaming the streets all day.

wow, what a huge liability for them, they dont have an alarm system on the windows/doors after a certain time? Geeze, there are group homes I have worked in with mild mannered daughter individuals where we had to stay awake at night, that is just not a hard thing to provide.

That would be an issue with coordinating a therapist's schedule with a mentor's schedule, but something to shoot for, definitely. difficult child might even be able to maintain if his mentor was going to be picking him up an hour or so after we got home...maybe.

For a very different reason (my son got into an agitated, aggressive, non compliant pattern following one visit with a doctor that then stuck, even without the trigger for the first time, making every doctor appointment HECK) I ended up scheduling his male Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker for every doctor appointment. He helped us break the pattern and start a new one and now we do it without Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers and it goes well.

But the scheduling issue is similar... So, I went with Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) schedule since doctor was more flexible in this case. I only scheduled the doctor appointments for when Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker was available. It was life changing. (And the point of it being the "right" mentor...I tried to substitute another Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker, also a male, but it was not the right one....he was fired later anyway for many reasons, not just my difficult child but you are right, they need consistency and a certain level of trust/admiration for the worker/mentor)
 

klmno

Active Member
You all are really giving me some good ideas that would give difficult child a much better chance! Thank you all so much- throw them out as you think of them! I agree, Buddy- a lot of this stuff could be more effective for difficult children if specific issues are addressed instead of using more and more resources to 'monitor' or create more rewards/consequences.
 

buddy

New Member
You all are really giving me some good ideas that would give difficult child a much better chance! Thank you all so much- throw them out as you think of them! I agree, Buddy- a lot of this stuff could be more effective for difficult children if specific issues are addressed instead of using more and more resources to 'monitor' or create more rewards/consequences.

Just want you to know I really think you are in a tough spot and your devotion for your son is clear. I know it is hard to feel a "like" for them much of the time, but your efforts speak volumes.
 

klmno

Active Member
I think what I'm going to do is type up the different scenarios and list the conditions it would take for me to keep comfortable with it- or at least tolerable for me. I will start with reiterating what I really would like- which is a group home for 1-3 mos that doesn't have it's own program that adds more punishment or requirements to earn his way out. Maybe I can call dss on Monday and see if they have anything like that, as a parental placement not permanent relief of custody. Then, for PO's options, if difficult child goes to the re-entry program's group home, it would HAVE to include difficult child being on an ankle bracelet the first 30 days. They don't like people telling them how to run their program- well, I don;'t like them telling me how to run my household or raise my son. But the fact remains that difficult child went wild last year upon release and requires electronic/gps monitoring the first 30 days, at least. And, if we have a family therapy appointment, they will have to transport difficult child. And I would want difficult child's 'plan' and goal to be shortened to a 4 mo stay, max, assuming he's doing well.
 
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