First, difficult child called and said that the charge at Department of Juvenile Justice was unfounded- that he had rash in the 'private area' and had been to a nurse earlier in the week who'd given him an ointment to try and told him to check to see if it helped; if it made the rash worse or if it started itching, to put another medication slip in. He said this staff lady walked by to do her rounds, then cam back 7 mins later instead of 15 min later and in the meantime, he was looking to see if his rash was worse or not. Anyway, he said she'd also written up a few other boys that night for the same thing and one boy was just standing to go to the bathroom. He called last night and said another staff had told him that they are now investigating the staff lady who did this because boys wrote grievences on her- that she was going around every few mins TRYING to see something like this. Hopefully, that will go away but difficult child is worried- he doesn't want it in his record even though it's only a facility record, and he says charges like this are extremely hard to beat but no one beleives a kid who denies an allegation like that. He' s trying to get the medication staff and discipliinary staff to communicate so he can at least prove that he had a rash, had been to a dr, and had a medication to trial. Now, for the exhausting issue of where difficult child goes upon release and what the parole plan will be: I can't remember where things stood when I posted last but difficult child was accepted into a re-entry program that offers intensive monitoring services if difficult child comes straight home. I intially bucked at that. The PO somewhat gave me an option of difficult child going into the re-entry group home, then coming home with these services, coming straight home with these services, and said the only other option was for difficult child to go to a foster home. Now I did think that was meant to be a bluff to force my hand but wasn't positive so I said maybe we should consider the option of a foster home. I agreed to talk to the lady from the re-entry program first, then let him know my preference. I went off on that lady because 1) she sounded like she was a uised car salesman trying to get me to buy into a 'wonderful' program but couldn't answer specific questions about services and how they would play out in difficult child's life. Also, she said difficult child would be there around 6 mos or more and would have to earn his way thru phases and thru 'treatment' to earn his way out and then 'they would let him come back home'. I told her to forget it. Then she said that all that could be tailored differently, so don't give up, let her talk to her director and she'd get back to me within a couple of days with specifc answers to questions and concerns. Fine. She didn't get back to me in a couple of days. So, I called PO and left VM that I have not gotten answers and difficult child's release date is quickly approaching and I didn't know what to do but since we can't get on the same page, maybe it was time for me to get an attny on board. He called back the next morning and said he'd like to have a meeting with me and re-entry lady so we all could get on the same page and I could get these questions and concerns addressed and I said that would be great. And he asked if I'd mind if his super sat in the meeting and I thought that was a great idea, too. We had that meeting yesterday. It resolved zilch. It's all of our faults, too. Re-entry lady apparently thought she was there to answer questions and get me to buy into the group home plan. But PO had told me that he/we had not committed to this plan yet. Super apparently thought she was there to re-inforce PO's authority to make parole plan however he wanted it, which I never questioned but PO had told me he was given me some choices and was willing to consider my input. I, on the other hand, thought I was there to lay out specific difficult child problems, discuss these, and provide input on what treatment plan might help, ask questions, and try to come to agreement on what would be the best approach and placement for difficult child. So, as an experienced CD board warrior mom, I go in with a type written list of 'issues' that I have concerns about and bulleted specifics (such as, My Safety: No more physical aggression from difficult child in the home, difficult child's Well-being: No more cutting himself or letting others burn himself, No more sneaking out at night, difficult child needs a male mentor, Having peace in the home: Not being bombarded with 'services' that are only dealing with rewards and consequences and are leaving us stressed all the time, etc), Ideas for incentives and rewards for difficult child to help keep him motivated (I mainly did this so they could see that I do realize the importance of 'rewards' and that my ideas are age-appropriate), Questions/concerns regarding this re-entry plan (including what her idea was if difficult child pulled a knife and robbed me again- did she have any better plan than for me to call 911 and have him arrested? Would difficult child be supervised by staff who would be awake 24/7 in her group home? What did he have to do to earn his way out of the group home?), List of my ideas that I thought would help difficult child if included in the parole/transition plan, and additional questions for PO, such as what is the parole plan going to be if difficult child was to go to a foster home? Basicly, I wanted to get to the bottom of these things and get this on the table, out in the open- Why does supervision get stricter if difficult child is living with me instead of in dss or in a Department of Juvenile Justice group home when this is not a situation of having a parent that doesn't report parole violations?, What do all these 'monitoring' ideas accomplish as far as preventing difficult child from sneaking out at night, harming himself, or becoming aggressive with me? How doees having more people dictate rules to difficult child help him re-establish that I'm his parent and he needs to respect that? If difficult child has done his time in Department of Juvenile Justice incarcerated, what purpose does it serve to add in additional sanctions by having him earn his way out of another program? How does taking over the parental decisions, or any of this, serve to put our family back together? Wouldn't we then be left some months down the road sitting at the same table saying 'now what do we do because the same problems and concerns are still not addressed'? Is difficult child better off going to a foster home where he can concentrate only on parole requirements and getting out of the system, then once he's aged out, as I'm sure that will be the only way he gets out of it, he and I can try to pick up the pieces of our family then? Then once all that was on the table, it became a different story. The re-entry lady went back to 'they can tailor their program' and went back and forth so many times people quit listening to her. So who knows what plan difficult child would have if he went to that group home. I should also point out- I drove by that group home and it's a pitiful looking dump that just rec'd fed funding to try to help transition youth out of Department of Juvenile Justice because this state has had a horrible problem with kids getting put back into Department of Juvenile Justice 3 mos after being released. And this is their answer?? Super, on the other hand, immediately went to 'dss isn't going to let this kid go live in someone's home as a foster child'!! Yep, I figured that. (Hopefully that will prevent future 'threats' to me that if I don't agree to parole plan, difficult child will go to foster care.) And super said again that she and PO thought difficult child should be in the group home for the safety of the public. At that point, I told her that so far, I am the only 'public' that difficult child had pulled a knife on and robbed so I thought I had every right to have some input into his transition plan. (Really, where are they going to put difficult child and be able to dictate every rule and circumstance in that placement at this point?) And then I pointed out that I was not there to dictate the parole plan, however, PO had told me the three options for placement upong difficult child's release and I was just trying to honestly weigh each one before providing my feedback, as he requested, then I looked at PO and asked if this wasn't why this meeting was called? He stuttered around on that. I got up to leave saying I didn't see what else could be accomplished and that I would possibly need to consult an attny regarding dss placement. PO then walked out with me, asked if we could meet privately, explained that his super was just trying to back up what he'd written in difficult child's file and said I had option, still- 1) that group home, 2) the re-entry program intensive monitoring with difficult child having a caseworker and difficult child coming straight home, 3) forget the re-entry program and difficult child gets ankle bracelet with home checks for some period and he can get difficult child a therapeutic mentor, with difficult child coming straight home. 4) I can file for dss to releive ciustody but dss will most assuredly require Department of Juvenile Justice to put difficult child in that re-entry group home and not allow difficult child into anyone's foster home for a very long time. He's suggesting the re-entry monitoring with difficult child coming home and also putting a therpeutic mentor in place. We have agreed that any case worker or mentor needs to be a male. Super stuck by recommendation for group home. Re-entry lady pushed for her services of any sort- of course they can't keep that fed funding if they don't get a certain number of clients and prove services. I am so sorry this got so long- Bless anyone who made it thru! Please offer advice- what should I do? What will give my son the best chance without just adding in more punishment to buy time and prolong the inevitable? Oh- the super said they had NEVER had a parent come in with all the 'real' issues just clearly spelled out and handed to them and that it was obvious I had valid concerns and loved my son very much and really just wanted our relationship to heal and wanted what is in his best interest. (quietly thinking to myself....yes, I AM a CD board mom! LOL!) And, what I had asked for: difficult child goes 'someplace safe' for 1-3 mos while he and I work on our relationship and he shows that he can live civilly without being guarded 24/7 and PO goes ahead and starts the parole requirements with a caseworker or mentor in place and then when I decide I'm comfortable with difficult child moving back in with me, he comes back to live with me, keeping the mentor and other parole requirements in place in order to help difficult child transition. They are telling me they can't do that- no group home or temp placement will let me decide when difficult child will come back home. I find that hard to belive- but I can see that maybe dss wouldn't take difficult child into one of their group homes where this can be done as long as dss knows Department of Juvenile Justice has funding and a group home where he can go. One good thing- someone finally got the point why I refused in home therapyy. First, super got it why behavior mod was never going to solve the problems in my home and secondly, supoer said difficult child and I needed therapy where when the session was over, we weren't left there alone to deal with all this anger and pain- he could go to his little corner for a while, and I could go to mine, and it would take some time to work thru this enough to get it out and we could be alone together. Exactly! They have no answer to that- if difficult child goes to group home, they will allow me to pick him up and take him to a therapist for family therapy and bring him back to group home.....yeah, but there's that trip alone in the car. Why can't it ahppen att group home? The only therapy available there is the behavior mod- getting a behavior contract in place for parent/teen. Sigh. This is probably why this state can't provide anything effective- once a kid is in one agency, no other agency will spend money from their pool on the kid- they spend their time telling that agency they have to provide any service the kid gets instead of sharing the cost and being able to provide a variety of types of services.