Update on easy child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Mar 29, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    easy child moved in with his dad last Friday. Despite telling his grandmother that when it came down to it, he would refuse to go, he left without any hassle. I have been in contact with him all this week through texting. easy child is not very good about talking on the phone. I can barely get a word out of him that way, but he is an avid texter. So that is how we have been keeping in touch with each other. This morning around 10:45 I texted him to see what he was up to. He is on spring break right now and won't be starting the new school till Monday. He texted me back saying he was bored. I asked him what he was doing, and he responded that he was laying in bed with nothing to do. Apparently his stepmother likes to sleep in till noon every day. She told him that he is not allowed out of his room until she wakes up. easy child is an early riser. He is usually awake by 8 or 9. So he is stuck inside his room for at least several hours with nothing to do. He is not allowed to go in and turn on the tv. Worse yet is he is not allowed to get anything to eat. So easy child tells me today that he is starving and has to wait till little miss princess wakes up to have breakfast. Most days he skips breakfast because by the time she wakes up it's lunch time. So easy child hasn't been eating well.

    Well hearing that my son is waiting for hours just to eat his first meal of the day really burned me up. I texted his dad and told him to call or text easy child and give him permission to go into the kitchen and get himself something to eat. About ten minutes later easy child texts me to tell me that stepmom finally woke up and gave him some breakfast. I am hoping my intervening put a stop on this skipping breakfast BS permanently. It is not okay for my son to go several hours without food while her heiness is getting her beauty rest.

    easy child keeps telling me he wants to come home. He is coming for a visit this weekend. I miss him already and I can't wait to see him. It is going to be hard on the both of us when he has to leave again on Sunday. And I am really worried about him starting the new school on Monday. I have faxed over his IEP to his new counselor so they already have it. They are going to observe him for 30 days then we will have a meeting to discuss his placement. I hope this new school is as accomodating as his old school. And then there is the friend issue. easy child doesn't make friends easy and I feel bad that he has to start all over again in a new school without any friends. So I am hoping and praying he can at least find one buddy to hang around with and eat lunch with. I remember when I was in high school and my best friend moved away. For several months I had nobody to eat lunch with and I felt so awkward and alone. It makes me tear up thinking about easy child having to go through the same thing. So hopefully he does make at least one friend. I am already feeling a bit guilty for sending him to his dad's. Hopefully it will all work out for the best. I am really looking forward to spending Easter with my son and I can't wait to see him. Just wish I didn't have to send him back but it's what I chose to do and I am going to have to live with it. Till then I will enjoy every single moment I have to spend with him.
  2. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    There is no reason why a 12 year old boy should not be allowed to get himself breakfast. I can understand if she is concerned that he will leave a mess behind, but he should not be told he has to remain in his room until his step more gets out of bed. If this continues it needs to be addressed with his father.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Save Those Texts.

    (repeat ad nauseum)

    Nothing to eat or drink???
    Those are basic needs and therefore basic rights.

    No, he doesn't "need" to go turn on the TV.
    It could be argued that he could... read a book, for example.

    But food and drink within an hour of waking is basic.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    That's beyond unacceptable. What's he going to do all summer? She needs to just svck it up and deal with it - that's abuse territory right there.
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I was thinking the same thing.
  6. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    He's not allowed out of his room until noon????? Why is he not allowed to get himself something? This is unacceptable, maybe your ex can make it right.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    If ex can't make it right CPS should get involved.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Of course like everyone else I think that's unacceptable. on the other hand Monday he starts school and I assume his Dad or stepMom will make sure he is up, dressed, fed and at school on time. (by the way, in Fl. breakfast is available in the cafeteria for any student who walks in...it's not passed on income...so that makes sure that kids with-o home breakfast don't start the day with an empty belly.) Anyway he will be going to school five days a week and on the weekends his Dad will be there or he will be at your place. Hopefully this was a rare event. Fingers crossed. DDD
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Save the texts. No matter what, keep them. If you need to, see if your phone provider can let you print them off.

    If this continues, call CPS. Trust me, that will give you MAJOR ammunition if/when a custody case ever happens. I hope your ex will see the problem with him trapped in his room for hours with-o food or drink, and how this is only going to make easy child a really angry kid and end up with him in trouble. Your ex is NOT going to like a CPS investigation, but who would? Esp as he would have to know it WILL show up badly in court if/when it comes to that. Do NOT hesitate to call CPS if it continues. I wouldn't tell ex every time this happens. Tell him once or twice, ut then keep the texts and let cps know rather than just telling ex.

    NO ONE would order my kids to stay in their rooms until noon and refuse them breakfast. NO. ONE. Not for long, anyway. So give this a few days next week, and if it still happens? Report report report.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Trust me, from my training we are pretty much told that CPS can't do much unless the child is obviously neglected or beaten and bruised from head to toe. It was very disheartening and straight from CPS as they told us how frustrating it is and how the parents get the rights and everything has to be proven. CPS would go talk to them. They'd have to. I don't know about anything else. They may wonder why YOU don't have easy child, if he asks to go home. If they were depriving him of eating and he was all bones, that's neglect. Not sure what forcing him to pretty much skip breakfast is unless he isn't fed all day. I was really shocked at how little power CPS has in family disputes unless it is blatant.

    I would be temped to let him come home after reading this. He can't be lying in bed until twelve while Her Magesty sleeps all summer long. My guess is she doesn't want him up or the TV on because she is both mean-spirited and plain doesn't want a pin to drop while she sleeps in. If husband isn't going to take hold of this and tell her this is HIS kid and she is NOT going to confine him to his room, nobody is going to step in for him.

    This sounds like a very bad situation. To me it sounds like she is deliberately being cruel.

    I hope easy child adjusts to his new school. IF he doesn't, that may be another issue you have to think about.
  11. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Make sure you keep the texts. Even if they don't end up being used for anything it is better to be prepared.

    How are you doing? I know this kind if stuff just sent me over the edge when x did it to difficult child 1. I think you are getting yourself stable then he'll come back to live with you?
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure CPS would get involved at this level... but this would definitely come into play in a custody dispute, where there is less "burden of proof" (at the level CPS needs), and more (in theory) consideration of "what is best for this child".