Update on husband.......

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Jan 1, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Not the best of news....husband is now on DNR. ICU specialist approached me on Tuesday & we had a long discussion on the short term & long term outcomes. It's the next appropriate step. Additionally, there will be a ethics mtg to discuss the next treatment steps for husband.

    He's not responding well to various & sundries of his treatments. He's not waking enough to breath on his own so is still on the vent. husband has not been conscience since the day he was admitted to the hospital. The MDs are no longer aggressively treating husband.

    It's now become a quality of life issue. I've made husband's wishes known (he didn't have a living will). Again, one of the hardest most distressing discussions in my life.

    husband's employer has been wonderful. He worked up until the day he entered the hospital. His HR rep has been in contact with me everyday since I've contacted her, including Christmas day. They've helped me with all the paperwork needed for short term disability & possible long term if it comes to that. (They really don't know much about husband's illness & don't want to know ~ just that he's gravely ill.)

    Explaining this to the tweedles has been an arduous task. The concept of life support & death are beyond their comprehension & emotional ability right now. I had to call out crisis team for kt the other night. The MDs tried to explain to the tweedles the affect of husband's illness/addiction had on his mind over the last 3 months ~ his outbursts, anger & scary behaviors. I was so glad this gentleman took the time with kt & wm & was so gentle.

    I appreciate your support for my little family....your combined strength & prayers are the only thing holding me up at this time.

    Mods if you feel this isn't an appropriate post feel free to delete or edit it as you see fit. I wasn't sure how to go about this & yet have had so many people wanting to know. I'm in over my head.
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    What a nightmare for you and your family, Linda. I'm so terribly sorry that there hasn't been any progress. :(

  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I don't know how this wouldn't be appropriate. You're coming to your family of thousands for support and you need it. Hugs to you hon.

  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    More prayers to your little family...from your big family. I am so sorry.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Linda, I'm so very sorry you and the tweedles are going through this. I wish I had the words or something to make it better for all of you. I pray that whatever the outcome, that it comes quickly. We're with you. I know I pray for your husband and your family every night. I'm sure many of us do.

    Post when you can. Take whatever strength you can from us. You're in our hearts and minds.
  6. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Wow. Not a very encouraging report Linda. I'm so, so sorry that you are going through this.

    Hugs to you and the kids.
  7. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Linda, we're all still with you and we always will be. Your family is in my thoughts and in my prayers every day. A few years ago I spent just one week camped out in the ICU when my son was there and I saw many families going through what you're contending with so I know just how heartbreaking and how exhausting it all can be.

    It is inevitable that my ex will soon be in the same condition as your husband and my children will be going through much the same thing. Of course, mine are much older, more mature, and they're prepared for it. I pray that wm and kt will come to an understanding and acceptance of what's going on. How awful that children should have to go through so much. It sounds like you have some wonderful, caring doctors on your side and that's a real blessing. Many warm ((hugs))) to you and your little family.

    Post when you can. We're here with you.

    Last edited: Jan 1, 2009
  8. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Linda, no deletion necessary. We've all been waiting on an update, but were obviously hoping for a much better outcome. I'm terribly sorry, Linda.
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    We're here for you and the kids Linda. :(
  10. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Gentle hugs to you and the Tweedles. I'm so sorry.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Linda}}} I think of you and the kiddos daily and will continue to keep you in my prayers for the best possible outcome for all. Post when you can and when you're up to it. I'm so glad you reached out for the 'live' support to help kt and grateful you received it from someone so patient and understanding. Hugs~
  12. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Linda, I'm so very sorry. Continuing to send gentle hugs and healing thoughts your way.
  13. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Gentle hugs. Glad you have so many supports in place already. : (
    I hope he finds some peace but I know it will be a while for you and the kids.
  14. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I don't know the word to best describe what you are going through - nightmare and horrid don't seem to hit the right level which is so deep.

    You have so much being thrown at you. Has the hospital connected you with the Caring Bridge website? It is a place that you can set up a public journal to update all your friends and relatives. You usually use husband's name and let those you know tap into the website. People can also sign a guest book.

    Four years ago, my neighbor's husband was in critical condition and declining in health. She set up the website account. So many people she needed/wanted to keep up to date and not enough phone time to do so.

    After about four months, she commented that the time was so intense and so much to do each day including decisions to make that she couldn't remember everything. I printed out pages and pages of her account (journal and guest entries) and put them in a scrapbook in chronological order for her to read. It ended up with two overflowing books and took about one week to make.
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Linda, you and the Tweedles remain in my thoughts. I hope you can feel the strength of the board and that it helps you thru this. I'm so glad to hear that someone explained a little to the kids about his behaviors, moods, etc. I was hoping things could suddenly take a turn and be better, but if that can't happen, then you have to just concentrate on how to get thru this, and that is what you are doing.

    I'm so sorry that you are faced with this, though. I hope you are taking a little time each day to address your own emotions through this, whether it's by a good cry, a talk with someone who just lends a good ear and support and a hug, writing things down, a long bath, or whatever works for you...
  16. Jena

    Jena New Member


    My prayers and thoughts are with you.

  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm so very sorry. You and the family are always in my prayers. Thanks for the update, and know your board family are always here when you need us.

  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Andy, that is a great idea- I think there might be a couple of web sites that do that sort of thing. Linda, do you have anyone close (one of husband's close relatives, or a close friend of yours) who could help do that since you might not have the time?
  19. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Prayers and gentle hugs. I am so sorry.
  20. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Linda, it breaks my heart that you and kt and wm are left to deal with the consequences of husband's actions. It's hard, though, to be angry at someone who must have been in such pain and turmoil that he did this to himself. It is unfair that his choices are having the biggest effect on his wife and children. Hugs and prayers that you and the twins can find some peace and healing in the new year.