Update on Kate

[KATES_MOM]

Well as some of you may remember, Kate was sent off once again to a Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) 2.5 hours aways from our home. This was on Nov. 6-06.
She went through some very rough times there. But made progress. After about seven months they felt Kate was good to go. Her home visits went wonderful the course of the months. I brought her home on June 16th. We had a great honey moon period for 2 months.

Things with Kate started to slip slowly, then they progressed rather rapidly. She was back to her verbal, and physical abuse on us. I reminded Kate often about the agreement we had befor coming home. NO hitting, No disrespect.The deal was she would have to leave again. For about a month this behavior continued.
We have family based home therapy all this time also.

Kate came home from school looking for a fight with me as she had most of the last month. It was over food this time she wanted what I didnt have, I guess she wanted me to poof this food out. One thing lead to another and I lost it!
I screamed at her and demanded her out of my house. I couldnt take it anymore. Told her to pack her bags, and get the H*ll out. To call her dad. She did, he picked her up and thats where she is to this day. Its only been about a week now.
Now if you remember dad has never helped with Kate one bit through the years when it came to Kate's mental health care.
Didnt want a thing to do with it. Also dad now has a crazy girlfiend since June. He plans to marry this Dec. They live together. This woman has burned easy child with a cig. on the forehead in Aug. after a pisted off fit. I got pics! He and her both claim it was an accident. easy child and Kate , also easy child friend were all there when this happened and all say this was no accident.

Now crazy woman and ex are telling Kate all kinds of stuff about me. That a mother who loves her kid would never throw her out, stuff like this.
Also have tried to convince easy child to move in. This woman has no kids, never been married she is 41!! Ex has told Kate she doesnt have to do therapy anymore. They closed that case out. He is checking in on if she has to keep taking her medications. If this happens I will step in! Since our divorce 11 years ago we have had a verbal agreement on the kids. Joint cust., I am the primary care giver. They have had this address for that period of time.
I am very mad!!! But I want this to play out for Kate. She has conflict with anyone sooner or later. I just pray she doesnt get hurt by someone elses physical abuse. When things go to h*ll in a hand bag there. Then I am ready for bear! Everything will be legal. Even child suport. Maybe he can be out of their lives for good. But Kate will have to get more help again. I dont plan on giving up on her. psychiatrist she goes to now since her return had added to her diagnosis, she now had personality disorder(4) in which she falls under. I am not very happy with that. But Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) psychiatrist also suspected this too. My God what happend to my little girl?????? I am taking this time away to regroup and conserve some energy. I hope to keep you all updated more. Talk later, Kathy

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, Kathy, what a mess.
I am so glad that you are not giving up on Kate. That's the spirit!
There are lots of people here who have the same issues with-their spouses ... where they tell the kids bad things about you, all that garbage. It's infuriating. But that simply validates why you divorced in the first place.
Wish I could help, but at least I can offer strength and cyber hugs.

 

[SnowAngel]

My ex and his family during the 9 yrs he had custody they told my kids horrible things. I was hurt. Now my son is 16 and daughter is 18, they both know the truth now. They hate what their dad has done and said. He is not very active in their life because that is what my children chose. My son did take him up on the Hawaii summer vacation...my son said why not go its Hawaii, mom. He went for the travel experience not his dad. I feel sorry for my ex for ruining their relationship.

Your difficult child will realize soon enough the truth. I know how hard it is but let the fool damage their relationship...it will happen. The worst thing you can do to a child is to cut down their other parent. If you were that bad of a person he would not have had your difficult child with you. My heart goes out to you. The girlfriend is a whole other story, but I have dealt with step moms too. My kids always come to me when they need good sound advice.

Your difficult child will understand one day. Your ex however may never get it.

 

[Sunlight]

hello and I am sorry things are so bad. I fear for Kate. her anger is going to draw repercussions from those with less patience. one good thing is that she is old enough to defend herself if evil stepmom lashes out. sigh perhaps kate will realize one day what a blessing you are.

what a world.

 

[branbran]

Tough situation. I don't blame you for sending your daughter to her father's house. We are only human and can only take so much. I wish I had someplace to send my difficult child daughter when I have had it, her father couldn't care less about her. She is in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) right now, but I remember those days when I thought my head would explode. Im sure I have many more in front of me when she comes home. It really stinks that your ex and his girlfriend say mean things about you. That is incredilbly childish and only hurting the children. Some people are so ignorant. At the end of the day you know in your heart you have been there for your kids and have done the best you can. So I hope you sleep easy at night. Take this time to take care of you. Good luck :smile:

 

[timer lady]

I'm sorry things have spiraled so out of control for your difficult child. How exhausting!

I hope that ex gets his head out of his & gets your girl help; the best help right now sounds like a bit of reality for difficult child. It also sounds as though she needs another placement back in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). With personality disorder she needs to be somewhere with objective people that will not be sucked into difficult children manipulations & rages.

Keep us updated.

 

[busywend]

Fingers crossed the 3 of them figure out quick how to be more responsible - especially the adults.

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm sorry things are so rough right now. Hugs and prayers.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry you have needed to come back to us. But I am glad to see you around here again!

It sounds like life at dad's is not going to be wonderful, but that she will maybe grow to realize how good she had it with you.

I totally understand sending her to her dad's. I hope you can get her the help she needs.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[KATES_MOM]

In the past years I never had the option to send her to her dads. He always refused. So now that he has a girl, i guess he wanted to look good and say yes. easy child had it out with him and her on the phone last night. She told him I just dont like her, she acts weird. He lost it with her and got ugly. Of course she cried. I didnt give too much of a response. Except, honey I am sorry you are having to deal with this and I'll be here when you need me. always!! I felt like sayin.. Oh he is one big a@@ , and this is one of the reasons I divorced him. He is a wacko, arrigant sob. You cant reason with him I never could. Write him out of your life now and save yourself the grief. I could go on and on. But I think she will figure most of this out as time goes on. Kate will too. My oldest sister talked with me last night. She knows ex, but not the new girl. Also knows Kate very well. She promised me itsjust a matter of time befor the bomb blows there. Sit back and relax and stop stressing. There are 3 mentally ill persons living together, nature will take its course!! So, here I sit waiting to here the bomb exploded, to go and scrape up the pieces of my first born baby. Thanks for the ear. Later , Kathy

 

[TerryJ2]

Wow. Sounds like she got an earful. And you're right, it's just a matter of time. But living through it is the hard part. Very hard.
Hugs and strength.