Update on me and my life

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by everywoman, Apr 7, 2011.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    As many of you know, about 9 months ago, I decided finally, after years of trying to save a man from himself, that I was ready to work on me---so I left a 23 year marriage---went out on my on for the first time in my adult life---and I have survived---not without a few bumps and bruises---
    I left on May 26---officially.
    husband proceeded to stalk me for the next 2.5 months.

    In August, after my nephews wedding, pcdaughter was following me to the reception. I went through a yellow light, she followed, the three cars in front of me stopped suddenly to turn into a bank, and bam---accident. Totaled her car---did over $10,000 in damage to mine---took 2 months to get car back and money for hers, so she and I begged and bummed rides to work for that time.

    In September, I fell and broke my arm/wrist---

    In Jan. I woke up with both arms and both hands tingling, numb, and weakened to the point that I could not open a diet coke can tab or a door. After an emergency room visit ( I know ya'll have horror stories about er's, but mine is great), I was diagnosis with spinal compression to the point that the wrong movement would severe my spinal cord, and I was transferred 60 miles to the large medical university south of my small town. I was there for 5 days, had surgery the next Sat., and came home the next day.

    While there they also discovered a benign tumor in my parotid gland (the large salivary gland). We are watching it and will do another MRI in July to reassess---they like to remove---but it is located near my facial nerve and well....not ready for that yet.
    I still have a lot of muscle spasms in my neck and seem to have permanent nerve damage in my arms and hands. Time will tell. I am in pain/uncomfortable, most of the time.

    But, despite all of this---I have never been happier with my life.

    I put a post on facebook last night and promised Suzie and Witz I'd update here...

    In August, the week after the wreck, I ran into an old hs friend. We began seeing each other casually after that. When I broke my arm, he was helpful. When I had surgery in January, he was wonderful. I ended up staying with him after surgery so he could take care of me. And he has, as much as I'd let him. I couldn't drive for six weeks, and his job allowed him to pick me up from work everyday and run me to my homebound students.

    He is nothing like husband---and many of our friends (yes, we still run with the same group of friends we ran with 30 years ago) doubted we'd last. He is a truck driver, body builder, beer drinking, sports loving, NASCAR fanatic. Actually, a bit of a redneck...in a nice, country boy kind of way. We get a long fabulously. Neither of us hold a strong opinion of marriage---but we talk about a future together. He has been divorced for 14 years. As soon as ex removes my name from our mortgage, I plan on purchasing a house, and it looks like we will move in together. We've found what we want, a small, cottage with a large shop and a the perfect yard for cookouts and bbq's===which we do almost every weekend.

    Is it a forever thing? I'm too much of a cynic to look at forever. But, today, I am happy. I care for him. Love???? I love my children, I love my job, I love my life, but love is not the word for what we have. We are companions. We are compatible. And I find him to be utterly sexy!

    He is different enough from me to be interesting. He has his own mind, his own thoughts...dex never did and it made me crazy!!!! husband had no interests outside of me and well, it was often suffocating.

    So...if you made it this far, then thanks....
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I am so glad you updated!! I've been thinking about you often, and not just me, but Nichole and easy child keep asking if I have a new update for them for the medical issues.

    I'm so happy the back surgery went well and has helped. Hopefully with time the nerve issues will resolve themselves.

    Raoul may be a tad jealous over your new guy.......but I think it's great. Life has taught you to savor the moment. Enjoy it, you deserve it.

  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Thanks Lisa---I am enjoying life---and it is fabulous to do so for the first time in years. I lived for my children for so very long, I tried to fix ex---I know longer have to do those things. difficult child is still a difficult child. That will never change. But I quit engaging and he has backed off a lot. The other two are going to do well and bounce back regardless of life's dips---they are just like me. difficult child is his father's son. He has the same attitude as ex---entitled, hypocritical, needy....At least I don't have to deal with that for much longer...
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    You know what? I think when you finally decided that your life is your life and you started living it? There is a peace in yourself that can't compare to anything, and while the Mother in you will always find things that aren't just-so for your children? The reality of it all is? They will live their lives like they see fit - and now, so will you. This is how it should be. YOU - HAPPY. Not suffering, not struggling, not trying to be anything less than...just YOU.

    I am immensely delighted to hear a tone in your voice that fits, a Southern lilt if you will that has an energy without guilt. It has a G.R.I.T. tone You know exactly what that means - and I couldn't be happier for you!!!!! Live it Gal! You've earned it and then some!

    Hugs & Love
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo extremely HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! WAHOO!!!!!

    Glad to hear you are still working - I know you love your job - and when you said you had pain, I thought immediately, "Oh no, I hope she did not have to stop working!"

    Enjoy your companion! Sounds amazing!
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    What a great update! I'm delighted that you are moving forward and enjoying your new life. You're able to do that for a number of reasons, of course, but when you look back you know you gave your very best effort for a long time. You couldn't fix everyone but you sure as heck kept on trying. Now there is no reason for regrets. I hope your pride and spirit allow you to have a wonderful future. DDD
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    You sound so happy! I'm so happy for you!
  8. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm really happy for you!!! Life is good!
  9. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    :couple: Sounds like love to me!!! :jumphappy:

    Sounds like some ups and downs and I'm positively BEAMING that you are on the upward
    climb, K.


  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I love reading happy endings like this and I'm thrilled for you. It just proves that life is worth living and I'm so glad you took the chance.

  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Holy cow, have you been through a lot!!!! OMG.

    LOVE this part: But, despite all of this---I have never been happier with my life.

    That really says it all. You know, how people write motivational books and say it's all about your attitude? But you're is for real. I am smiling.

    Please stay in touch. And I hope you continue to heal.
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Very glad to hear you sounding so happy!
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What a great update (not all the physical stuff). Glad to hear you are so happy:)
  14. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    You sound happy!!! You deserve it.
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so happy fo you Kat. Have to say a good ol' country boy can be a great guy...lol. You have met mine and I am kind of partial to him.

    You say he loves NASCAR. We are taking the Keyana and her brother to the Nationwide race at Darlington in May. Wanna bring your honey and the grandson and meet us?
  16. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Wonderful update, EW. Very happy to read it. You deserve everything life has to offer.

    'Bout time, huh?
  17. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Lovely to hear from you. I'm glad you are happy, despite all the hassles you've been through. Nothing wrong with rednecks when they are aware of the needs of others. And you know exactly what you are getting into!

  18. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    I am so happy for u! Hugs Rabbit
  19. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    LOL Janet. We actually talked about going up and camping that weekend. If you decide to, I will let you know. Won't have grandson then though---:(
  20. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Hi EW! I'm so glad you are happy. You deserve it! I'm sorry to hear of all your medical problems and hope that you will have a full recovery. -RM