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update on my 5 yr old
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 13863" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Paula, you said, "I am strict but when it comes to having a full blown rage i would rather not keep pushing him". In my book, that's what I would do in your shoes. It's what I HAVE done, with far less meltdown than you're having to deal with.</p><p></p><p>At this stage it's likely that you will be feeling 'got at'. I sure did. But I persevered, which told them I was prepared to stick it out. That told them that I wasn't going to walk away easily, I was desperate.</p><p></p><p>Right now it seems to me that they have some ideas they want to explore, but they're not sure enough of them, or there are too many ideas, to scare you with details right now. They will not mention any of these ideas until they've either confirmed them or ruled them out - it's probably a precautionary thing, so you won't hear a label that terrifies you and will have you heading for the hills. For example, by the time anyone mentioned "autism" to me with difficult child 3, he had been in therapy and assessment for six months. I KNOW, when I look back, that they must have suspected autism from within five minutes of meeting him, but they couldn't officially discuss the label until it had been independently confirmed by others on the team, who took their time seeing him and then more time writing their reports.</p><p>In your case, they're are really hurrying up, which is good.</p><p></p><p>Being quite engaging and willing to talk to total strangers - it can happen in autism (and other conditions) - difficult child 3 is like that.</p><p></p><p>The three x 1 hour appointments - you've expressed strong concerns about him. The paed is now awake. So is the GP. If this shrink thinks it's nothing, she's got to be darned sure, up against three of you. But chances are, it's not nothing and she knows it. She needs those three appointments to get a handle on him and a feel for how he is. As long as he's pretty much himself at these appointments she should be able to work it out.</p><p></p><p>The school - I can't believe the old school telling the new one that; unless they were afraid that the new school would refuse to take him (if they could) if the truth came out.</p><p>If that were ini an employment situation, the old school could be sued, or charged under the Trade practices or similar. No longer can an employer give an employee a false good reference just to get rid of them, or as some sort of bargaining settlement package. I'm fairly sure it would be easy for the new school to have the old one on toast for that deception. If they wanted to (and they probably just want to get on with their job).</p><p></p><p>But I'm sure they'll remember, and not trust the old school's statements for quite a while.</p><p></p><p>The bad behaviour - is there a pattern between totally appalling, out of control behaviour and when he goes to sleep? Sometimes they're fighting tiredness so hard they fight everything else, too. I still find that evenings of hectic days are the absolute worst, behaviour-wise. If there's any way you can get him to sleep when he begins to misbehave - I'm not sure what cues you could put in place, he really is so very out of control right now... Ask the shrink when you see her next?</p><p></p><p>Write down any observations, anything that is interesting or worries you, make notes of incidents and take the notes to the next appointment. I often hand a copy (duplicate, for them to keep) over to the psychiatrist at the beginning of the appointment, and they then can use it (or not) in their interview with my child. It can scare the child a bit, when the psychiatrist has information that logically couldn't have! But it can also set off the problems you want the psychiatrist to observe. A very useful thing.</p><p></p><p>If, after the already booked sessions, there still isn't some level of stability, she should refer you to someone who can help. If she thinks it parenting, she can't just leave you hanging but should give you some support and guidelines, as well as refer you to a parenting course. That's worst case scenario. If she thinks he has real issues needing treatment, she will either take him on for more therapy or refer him to someone else, with her notes as an introduction.</p><p></p><p>You've got the paed and the GP both pushing, plus the school using all this info to get the funding in place. Something's got to improve from here.</p><p></p><p>Have you had a Learning Team Meeting at the school yet?</p><p></p><p>And how the H*** are you managing about your job? That's been worrying me, too.</p><p></p><p>Also, have you got the application in for Child Disability Support (or Carer's Payment/Allowance/whatever they're calling it this week). It's got to help at least a bit, financially. Now might be an interesting time to lobby your local Federal AND State MPs, with elections coming up. If you need the extra lobbying, that is. If the wheels fall off anything, right now both MPs are going to be wanting to be seen to be helpful. Federal will be more helpful, because I think state-wise, they'll be fairly complacent (weak opposition, in my opinion). Still, you never know.</p><p></p><p>Keep us posted. Fingers crossed for you. Lots of people here are worrying about you all, and barracking for you (I'm being careful here to avoid using the common US term, which has potentially offensive double meaning in Australia!).</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 13863, member: 1991"] Paula, you said, "I am strict but when it comes to having a full blown rage i would rather not keep pushing him". In my book, that's what I would do in your shoes. It's what I HAVE done, with far less meltdown than you're having to deal with. At this stage it's likely that you will be feeling 'got at'. I sure did. But I persevered, which told them I was prepared to stick it out. That told them that I wasn't going to walk away easily, I was desperate. Right now it seems to me that they have some ideas they want to explore, but they're not sure enough of them, or there are too many ideas, to scare you with details right now. They will not mention any of these ideas until they've either confirmed them or ruled them out - it's probably a precautionary thing, so you won't hear a label that terrifies you and will have you heading for the hills. For example, by the time anyone mentioned "autism" to me with difficult child 3, he had been in therapy and assessment for six months. I KNOW, when I look back, that they must have suspected autism from within five minutes of meeting him, but they couldn't officially discuss the label until it had been independently confirmed by others on the team, who took their time seeing him and then more time writing their reports. In your case, they're are really hurrying up, which is good. Being quite engaging and willing to talk to total strangers - it can happen in autism (and other conditions) - difficult child 3 is like that. The three x 1 hour appointments - you've expressed strong concerns about him. The paed is now awake. So is the GP. If this shrink thinks it's nothing, she's got to be darned sure, up against three of you. But chances are, it's not nothing and she knows it. She needs those three appointments to get a handle on him and a feel for how he is. As long as he's pretty much himself at these appointments she should be able to work it out. The school - I can't believe the old school telling the new one that; unless they were afraid that the new school would refuse to take him (if they could) if the truth came out. If that were ini an employment situation, the old school could be sued, or charged under the Trade practices or similar. No longer can an employer give an employee a false good reference just to get rid of them, or as some sort of bargaining settlement package. I'm fairly sure it would be easy for the new school to have the old one on toast for that deception. If they wanted to (and they probably just want to get on with their job). But I'm sure they'll remember, and not trust the old school's statements for quite a while. The bad behaviour - is there a pattern between totally appalling, out of control behaviour and when he goes to sleep? Sometimes they're fighting tiredness so hard they fight everything else, too. I still find that evenings of hectic days are the absolute worst, behaviour-wise. If there's any way you can get him to sleep when he begins to misbehave - I'm not sure what cues you could put in place, he really is so very out of control right now... Ask the shrink when you see her next? Write down any observations, anything that is interesting or worries you, make notes of incidents and take the notes to the next appointment. I often hand a copy (duplicate, for them to keep) over to the psychiatrist at the beginning of the appointment, and they then can use it (or not) in their interview with my child. It can scare the child a bit, when the psychiatrist has information that logically couldn't have! But it can also set off the problems you want the psychiatrist to observe. A very useful thing. If, after the already booked sessions, there still isn't some level of stability, she should refer you to someone who can help. If she thinks it parenting, she can't just leave you hanging but should give you some support and guidelines, as well as refer you to a parenting course. That's worst case scenario. If she thinks he has real issues needing treatment, she will either take him on for more therapy or refer him to someone else, with her notes as an introduction. You've got the paed and the GP both pushing, plus the school using all this info to get the funding in place. Something's got to improve from here. Have you had a Learning Team Meeting at the school yet? And how the H*** are you managing about your job? That's been worrying me, too. Also, have you got the application in for Child Disability Support (or Carer's Payment/Allowance/whatever they're calling it this week). It's got to help at least a bit, financially. Now might be an interesting time to lobby your local Federal AND State MPs, with elections coming up. If you need the extra lobbying, that is. If the wheels fall off anything, right now both MPs are going to be wanting to be seen to be helpful. Federal will be more helpful, because I think state-wise, they'll be fairly complacent (weak opposition, in my opinion). Still, you never know. Keep us posted. Fingers crossed for you. Lots of people here are worrying about you all, and barracking for you (I'm being careful here to avoid using the common US term, which has potentially offensive double meaning in Australia!). Marg [/QUOTE]
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