tryingtobestrong
Active Member
It has been a while since I posted and I hope I don't lose anyone with the long post! I don't know where on this roller coaster we were when I last posted...
So, I apologize if I repeat anything.
He was made to work from home due to the pandemic in March and with that the drinking escalated. He didn't really come across that he was back into heavy drinking but from looking at his cell phone calls (he is still under our plan so I do check who he is calling... I know it is wrong) he was calling the liquor stores... They delivered so he was getting really bad.
In July he called and said he couldn't stop throwing up. (He lived 1200 miles away) so he went to the ER. They told him it was from smoking too much marijuana. He went 6 times to the ER in 8 days... They insisted it was due to the weed and he wasn't quite sure. The girlfriend told me his blood work was fine but his liver enzymes were elevated.... So with that I knew he was not sober. He called and said that he wasn't going to smoke anymore...
In August, sh** hit the fan with his girlfriend and she left him due to his drinking. He called crying, etc. He tried stopping and went to visit a friend in FL but came back to the same apartment and just kept drinking. He ended up going to rehab for 30 days. We did visit him while in rehab and within the first 10 minutes of seeing him after not seeing him for 18 months, he cursed me because I recommended he do sober living when his 30 days was up. He was so disrespectful and told me that if I am going to continue to talk about sober living then I can fu**ing leave... So the rest of the visit I stayed quite. He constantly whined about his lease at his apartment, said all the right things, etc. My husband and I said that we would try to figure something out with his lease. He wanted to move to a new location but was tied to the lease and to break the lease was $1400... He did stay the 30 days and as you all probably know we agreed to break his lease so he could move and relocate since his work was now permanently from home. There was no reason to stay in the state he was in.
Well, 4 days after he was released from rehab he relapsed and was on and off. We had previously booked a trip to see him and still had all the arrangements. He then made plans to move to another state and asked if we would come to see him before he left. Again, he was disrespectful as soon as he seen me and I asked why he was not going to live at the place he put a $600 deposit on?? (it was a private sober living place with 3 other guys.. but he found out they were strict and would not allow overnight guests so he refused to stay there)... He told me again I could leave. I should have! So with that going forward I made the decision I wasn't going to take his crap anymore.
He ended up moving to another state, had no were to live and was staying in an Air BnB... was drunk the first night there... for the first 3 weeks there he was bad. Then he found an apartment to rent for a few months and he could actually save $ and pay off some of his debt.... he was 22 days sober but then had a disagreement with a new girl he was seeing.... Relapsed and called about wanting to go back to rehab in CO.... SO, we told him that he would have to pay his own deductible. We seriously just paid $7k in September. I used my airline points and flew him to the rehab he was just in... He called and emailed me about the $3k deductible that would start in Dec. and I told him that I was not paying it. The coordinator told him that it would go to a payment plan and if he didn't pay on it it would NOT go to collections... he would not listen and left AMA after 3 days at rehab! Found $ to fly himself back to the state he lives in now, found $ to get an Uber for an hour drive on Thanksgiving as well. My daughter seen he posted a picture that he was at the airport... So with that I text him and asked what he was doing. He said he was not going to be held responsible for that deductible. He couldn't take a hit on his credit... So, with that,I told him I was done. I blocked his number. If he needs to get in touch he had to call the landline. I had him blocked for 4 weeks. Unblocked him to send a picture of his cat and he replied but have not heard from him since. My husband called him and he is 19 days sober today.
I feel bad but I can't do this anymore.
I honestly feel numb and have no feelings for my son. It feels like I have lost him a long time ago or he doesn't even exist in my life.
He made the comment that he only stayed in rehab for 30days because he knew we would cave and break the lease for him... I was so hurt.
He was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as well which makes a ton of sense. If you don't know what that is, please research it. It makes so much sense now with what is going on. We have offered to pay for therapy for it but so far he won't take us up on it. It is a long therapy and I know he won't want to commit to it.
I feel like I did so much wrong raising my children. I am at a crossroads in my life. My parents family business may be coming to an end and that is the only place I have ever worked. I am scared of working for someone, I am scared of the future and health care. So, I have a lot on my plate right now.
My daughter is doing well in grad school. She will graduate in May of 2022.
So, I apologize if I repeat anything.
He was made to work from home due to the pandemic in March and with that the drinking escalated. He didn't really come across that he was back into heavy drinking but from looking at his cell phone calls (he is still under our plan so I do check who he is calling... I know it is wrong) he was calling the liquor stores... They delivered so he was getting really bad.
In July he called and said he couldn't stop throwing up. (He lived 1200 miles away) so he went to the ER. They told him it was from smoking too much marijuana. He went 6 times to the ER in 8 days... They insisted it was due to the weed and he wasn't quite sure. The girlfriend told me his blood work was fine but his liver enzymes were elevated.... So with that I knew he was not sober. He called and said that he wasn't going to smoke anymore...
In August, sh** hit the fan with his girlfriend and she left him due to his drinking. He called crying, etc. He tried stopping and went to visit a friend in FL but came back to the same apartment and just kept drinking. He ended up going to rehab for 30 days. We did visit him while in rehab and within the first 10 minutes of seeing him after not seeing him for 18 months, he cursed me because I recommended he do sober living when his 30 days was up. He was so disrespectful and told me that if I am going to continue to talk about sober living then I can fu**ing leave... So the rest of the visit I stayed quite. He constantly whined about his lease at his apartment, said all the right things, etc. My husband and I said that we would try to figure something out with his lease. He wanted to move to a new location but was tied to the lease and to break the lease was $1400... He did stay the 30 days and as you all probably know we agreed to break his lease so he could move and relocate since his work was now permanently from home. There was no reason to stay in the state he was in.
Well, 4 days after he was released from rehab he relapsed and was on and off. We had previously booked a trip to see him and still had all the arrangements. He then made plans to move to another state and asked if we would come to see him before he left. Again, he was disrespectful as soon as he seen me and I asked why he was not going to live at the place he put a $600 deposit on?? (it was a private sober living place with 3 other guys.. but he found out they were strict and would not allow overnight guests so he refused to stay there)... He told me again I could leave. I should have! So with that going forward I made the decision I wasn't going to take his crap anymore.
He ended up moving to another state, had no were to live and was staying in an Air BnB... was drunk the first night there... for the first 3 weeks there he was bad. Then he found an apartment to rent for a few months and he could actually save $ and pay off some of his debt.... he was 22 days sober but then had a disagreement with a new girl he was seeing.... Relapsed and called about wanting to go back to rehab in CO.... SO, we told him that he would have to pay his own deductible. We seriously just paid $7k in September. I used my airline points and flew him to the rehab he was just in... He called and emailed me about the $3k deductible that would start in Dec. and I told him that I was not paying it. The coordinator told him that it would go to a payment plan and if he didn't pay on it it would NOT go to collections... he would not listen and left AMA after 3 days at rehab! Found $ to fly himself back to the state he lives in now, found $ to get an Uber for an hour drive on Thanksgiving as well. My daughter seen he posted a picture that he was at the airport... So with that I text him and asked what he was doing. He said he was not going to be held responsible for that deductible. He couldn't take a hit on his credit... So, with that,I told him I was done. I blocked his number. If he needs to get in touch he had to call the landline. I had him blocked for 4 weeks. Unblocked him to send a picture of his cat and he replied but have not heard from him since. My husband called him and he is 19 days sober today.
I feel bad but I can't do this anymore.
I honestly feel numb and have no feelings for my son. It feels like I have lost him a long time ago or he doesn't even exist in my life.
He made the comment that he only stayed in rehab for 30days because he knew we would cave and break the lease for him... I was so hurt.
He was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as well which makes a ton of sense. If you don't know what that is, please research it. It makes so much sense now with what is going on. We have offered to pay for therapy for it but so far he won't take us up on it. It is a long therapy and I know he won't want to commit to it.
I feel like I did so much wrong raising my children. I am at a crossroads in my life. My parents family business may be coming to an end and that is the only place I have ever worked. I am scared of working for someone, I am scared of the future and health care. So, I have a lot on my plate right now.
My daughter is doing well in grad school. She will graduate in May of 2022.