Update on my Dad

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Oct 19, 2010.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I havent given an update on my Dad in a long time so I figured I would tell you how he is doing.

    Not real well.

    He finished his radiation back in May I think. They said the tumor shrunk slightly. Not as much as they had hoped but they said that the radiation would continue to work for two months or so after he had stopped it so there was a chance the tumor would continue to shrink.

    He continued to have problems with swallowing and just feeling not well. He ended up in the hospital twice during the summer with bronchitis that led to pneumonia because the heat just got to him and he couldnt cough up enough. Too weak.

    With my physical problems I wasnt able to get up to him and they didnt even tell me about the first time he was in. They told me he was okay and said I really didnt need to go up. He was fine. They would let me know.

    Well, now he is on O2 full time. I can hear it in his voice that he is getting weaker. He cant talk long on the phone with me anymore.

    I talked to him on Sunday and he told me that last week he was having a lot of trouble catching his breath and it felt like he was walking in water so he called his dr who told him to go to the ER. Once there they did some test and found he had fluid around his heart. :sad-very: They drew off over 12 ounces of what he described as "beer looking" fluid from around his heart. I quietly asked him if they had used the words "congestive heart failure" and he said...why yes.

    He has appts with his cardiologist, his pulminologist, and his oncologist in the next couple of weeks.

    Im no dummy, I know what this means. He is dying. He has emphysema, Stage 3 lung cancer and now congestive heart failure. Im losing my Daddy. Im just not ready.
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm so very sorry, Janet. :crying: I hope you can find a way to go see him soon.
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I am sorry Janet :( I can hear the little girl in you when you say you are losing your daddy. I cannot relate as I haven't had a father, but I do know how even today I wish I'd have had that relationship in my life where as a grown woman I'd still call him daddy. I'm so glad you had that experience in you life, yet I'm so sorry you are facing losing him. I do hope you can visit soon. Any travelling plans?

    I will keep him and you and your family in my thoughts. (((hugs)))
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm so sorry Janet. It is a process that has many steps from what I can tell. My mom has had 2 bouts of congestive failure and it's really difficult for them to bounce back.
    Hope your dad is able to regain some strength and go on with a good quality of life for many more months or years.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O, Janet - I am so very sorry...
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I was hoping that there would be some good news. I'm so sorry. I will continue to send caring thoughts your way. DDD
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm so sorry to hear this news. I hope that you are physically able to get up here and see your dad soon. I know that a visit, no matter how short, no matter how much he has changed, will do your heart good.

    As one who has lost their daddy, I feel your pain.

  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm sorry, Janet. I understand where you are coming from right now because I've been there. {{{Hugs}}}
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry Janet. I know this is so difficult.

  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Janet. Many hugs and prayers.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. Congestive heart failure is a lot to add on top of the other problems. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Janet, I understand you're not ready. I don't think anyone can fully prepare themselves to loose a parent.

    My prayers are with your dad, you and the whole family my friend.
  13. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Janet, I'm so sorry the treatments didn't help and he's not doing well. I'm sending down big giant hugs to you. :crying:
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What is so hard for me is that with the awful relationship I had with my mom, I have clung to my father as an adult. For most of my childhood she clouded my visions of him and caused me to not be close to him and basically hate the man. Sure he had some pretty difficult faults and personality issues that made being close to him a bit harder than normal but I learned as an adult why he was the way he was. My mother could have gone a long way in helping me to understand him as a child. He was a, and is, a good man who would have given me the stars and hung the moon for me.

    After I became an adult I learned so much from him. I am so glad my grandchildren got to meet their great grandfather.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Please don't feel that the congestive heart failure has to be the last straw. My Gma had it for almost a decade and by managing foods and how much liquid her body got via food and water along with medications (we teased her that we were going to take her to the track and make her run because the doctor put her on Lasik, which is given to horses sometimes.).

    I am so glad that you got to have a relationship with your dad as an adult, and that you got to become close to him. He lucked out there too! It truly is a blessing when our kids get to know their grands and great grands. It means a lot to Wiz that we flew him to FL when he was 10 weeks old to see my Gma. We didn't know how long she was going to live, so we took him as soon as we could. When she died a few months later we were all glad we had taken him. It will mean a LOT to the kids as they grow up thatthey got to know him.

    Many many hugs. I know this is a hard time.
  16. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

  17. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh my goodness I am so so sorry!!!!! I lost my dad to lung cancer, too. He was just about to hit retirement age. I will never touch another cigarette as long as I live. I am so, so sorry you are going through this.
  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am sorry to hear things are not on the upswing with your father. It is hard to watch it happen. Even via a phone line.

    You need to do a visit as soon as you can.

  19. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ((hugs)) losing a parent is one of the hardest things in life.
  20. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I think sometimes things we miss out or have misconceptions of in childhood are some of the hardest things to get over in adulthood. It's kinda like "Okay - NOW I 'get it' - and I could 'do something' because I 'get it' and it's unfair because it seems like it's 'too late' and it just adds to the frustration. So my advice to you is to realize all the positives you HAVE realized about your Daddy, and go from there. I mean the "what if's" seem to far out-weigh those "my Mom coulda, woulda, shoulda" in this case. Suffice to say we get your Mom had issues. I don't know anyone that didn't. Some more than others -true. True. But YOUR Dad got to meet his Grandkids and Wow - I'd give anything for my son to have gotten to know my Dad. I lost my dad to Pal-Mal cigarettes and heart attack during a quad by-pass. I didn't get to see him for 2 years due to my X - and lots of other crazier than crazy junk because of my X - that I would just like to stuff that jackwagon in a pickle jar upside down over and would now I think given an opportunity.

    But what I'm getting at here isn't pickling - it's appreciating what you have, while you have it...no matter how short the time. I hurt for you when you say you aren't ready to say bye to your Daddy. Because I know. I wasn't either. I mean I didn't even have a warning or anything. I didn't get one with Kary, or Steven - and Poof - gone. I get upset thinking about your Dad and I never met the man, but I love you - and hate to see you upset. There just isnt any way to turn back the hands on a clock - but maybe before it gets all convoluted? You could call him? And just let it out and tell him how much you love him? I mean what's wrong with that? I tell you - You tell me. Why not tell him?

    Just sayin?