Update on my Dad

klmno

Active Member
I'm sorry Janet. I know those words can't help you get thru this or make it easier- I'm just sorry you have to go thru it and that he has to go thru it.
 

Jena

New Member
hi

well star had some good words of wisdom. usually does and no pink donkeys today.... I go with-also stating be grateful for what you have now. I'll share my short tale, maybe it will help maybe it won't. Yet you have given me so much these past few weeks with-difficult child.

My father passed away last July. Him and I had alot of issues between us, I thought i had more time to put closure to it. All that existed since i was 17 when I left his home in fla. is money he sent every christmas for girls and I, a phone call once every few years not exactly apologizing yet stating that i should fly down, we should talk, etc. I Wasn't Ready. too much history. My Father although being the man with whom taught me to drive, fish, gut my first fish out, taught me how to crab, gave me my first car, my first puppy was also the same guy with whom was an alcoholic and left my mother and I when i was just a baby. He is the same man with whom was extremely abusive to me on multiple levels when i met him again at age 12 and lived with him till 17.

Christmas Eve came, the last one and I could set my clock by his call it was always while i was baking for xmas day and the call didnt' come. My mind right away thought something was odd, wrong. I called left a message. Long story short the following mos. i searched the social security death index to find my father listed in it, who had passed the previous July. I was shocked. I than did more research to find an obituary on line with a picture of him and my name listed as one of his beloved family members (daughter) left behind. A huge gathering was held for him in memory of at the marina we used to fish at years prior.

I came to learn his new wife, upon him on his death bed. He went very quickly I learned got dizzy, went for mri, had huge tumor, was hospitalized and died of a cerebral hemmorage. She, his wife made no attempt to contact me his one living daughter, she knew the past, to give not only him on his death bed the opportunity to die clean as I call it. Yet also for me to have closure. She kept it quiet, hid alot of junk.

Point is I thought there would be time. strangely enough the mos he passed i strongly remember telling husband, that i was going to take a trip to fla. soon. he said why? i said closure. it's time i'm healed and ready to face it. Yes he was a horrible man, he was also a man with whom suffered alot of abuse in his life, the old done to me now i'll do to you.

i never got the chance to say good bye, to clean it up. so my closure will be graveside once i get difficult child on the right path, which who knows how long that'll take. Than husband and I will drive up to north carolina so i can bring my letter and talk.
 

Mom2oddson

Active Member
Hi Janet,

My Dad has always been a part of my life, but even with that, we had our problems. He raised me the way he was raised....your kids should just know that you love them, you tell them when they mess up. So I grew up thinking my Dad hated me, that I could never do anything to please him because I only heard the negative. Then my Ex left right before easy child was born and I moved in with my folks to give easy child stability. As easy child was growing up and I was explaining how I wanted him raised, my Dad and I talked. I told him that I wanted easy child to know that he was loved because I never felt love. My Dad cried. (first time I EVER saw him cry). Turns out, I've always been the apple of his eye.

I wanted to tell you this because the first 25 years of my life, I had no relationship with my Dad. Now, he's one of my best friends. I choose not to dwell on the first 25 years but to celebrate the last 20 (okay...I'm old..haha). I'm grateful that my Dad and I got our acts together before it was too late. And I'm glad you have a relationship with your Daddy too. And as far as being "ready" for Daddy to leave???? I could 120 years old and I still wouldn't be ready.

I'm so sorry that you are losing him. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
 

timer lady

Queen of Hearts
Janet, I'm so sorry ~ it's so hard to even consider the loss of a parent. I watched my grandfather beat congestive heart failure a few times over; my mother twice. But like you said you know the end is very close.

Many ((((gentle hugs)))) my friend.
 
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