Update on my daughter

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rejectedmom, Oct 26, 2011.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    We went to her nurologist last week. Her medications were changed up and she did better for a few days but the headaches have returned again. We have a second opinion consult with a neurologist in NY this weekend.
    Hoping for more answers, therapies etc. but will probably not get much new advice.

    She is considering a personal injury suit againt the athletic club where she was injured. I think it might be a good idea. She will need financial help once the divorce goes through.

    We had a long talk yesterday and she realizes she no longer has any feelings for her husband. She said that she just wants him gone from the house. in my opinion that is good. She is a sweet person and gives everyone so much forgivness and understanding. Honestly, husband and I think she was being too nice to him under the circmstances.

    His family wanted her to have TG with them but she said no and will come to us. Her husband thinks that everything (except the sleeping arrangements although he would like bedroom priveleges if he could have them) shoud be as it always was as long as they co-habitate. She is beginning to reaize that is not the best way to go. She and I think this interim time it is a good time to show the kids that things are and will be different for the holidays but still fun.

    He insisted upon going to the pumpkin patch with us and actually also insisted on hugging me when we met up. I couldn't believe it. I didn't make a fuss because the kids were there but really! He knows that I know the entire story of his emotional blackmail and abuse. He knows that I know he has tried to get her to "swing" and wants a divorce because she said no. He knows that I know he tried to bribe her by saying he would pay for her job retraining only if she did it. A true difficult child. He is so into himself he can't understand that as easy child's mother I cannot embrace him because it is like telling him that all he has done to her is OK. I have to be civil because of the kids but my head felt like it would explode when he put his arms around me. -RM
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    This sounds like it'll be a very ugly divorce. This is what I'd do.

    Look up the state code on the internet and read it. Especially where it comes to visitation. I have found that what ever visitation is set up by the parents before the divorce during the separation is harder to undo.

    Get the kids in therapy now. Because if he is emotionally abusive they are going to need it. He will probably use them to hurt your daughter. Or when the dust settles he won't want anything to do with them and they'll need help getting through that.

    Get a very good lawyer even if it is expensive. The best are found by word of mouth. Talk to other lawyers, divorced people, court clerks, children's justice place, cps, ect... anywhere and everywhere you or others can think of.

    Have you communication with him be through e-mail. Your daughters testimony (or that of her family) won't mean a thing to the courts but his e-mails will. Be very nice in these e-mails but at the same time try to get him to show his true colors. (Just don't look like that's what you are doing.)

    She is going to need an enormous amount of support. If he had any decency he wouldn't be doing this right now. He must be truly awful.
  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thank you Liahona, I do not think it will get ugly but only because of my daughter. She will walk away before she will let her kids get dragged through such a mess. She has consulted a lawyer but is not sure they are the ones she will use. Grandson and she and sister in law are already in indivitual counseling, I have suggested grand-daughter get some also.

    easy child says sister in law is a good father but I think it is telling that grandson is afraid of him as is the cat. He is going to be traveling oversees alot starting in a couple of weeks. I told easy child to watch the accounts but she doesn't think it is necessary. Like I said she always gives people the benefit of the doubt (sigh).

    It is a good idea about the e-mail but I have never e-mailed sister in law and he has not given me his own accout or work acc't only their joint one, so I don't know how I would go about starting that up. -RM
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Glad he is going to be gone a lot. I was way to nice at first too.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    RM, I am really hoping that new docs can help your daughter out with her medical issues. I do think a lawsuit is a good idea if you think it is. I dont know exactly how this happened other than you said a karate accident. Im assuming she was taking a class. You are so right that she will need income after the divorce and she most likely will not be able to work for quite awhile.

    I really hope the divorce goes through without any hold ups. As always...you know I am praying for you guys.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I hope the separation and divorce are not any more difficult than they need to be. Care and Love to you and your daughter, Buddy
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm. Another post bites the dust. I'll try again.

    I am so sorry for what your daughter is going through, but happy that she has you.

    Her husband is, indeed, narcissistic and selfish, with-o a care or clue about her needs, wants or even her personality and philosophy. Best that he be left behind. Way behind.

    It is possible that you have a case against the gym. You may as well try. As you said, it could help with-the divorce. Not to mention medical care and medications. Poor thing.

    Many hugs. Thank you for the update.
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Janet, Yes it happened in class when an unsafe situation was set up and my daughter was thrown into another student by her sparing partner. The place did not call an ambulance and actually let her drive her daughter home even though easy child was obviously confused from her injury. The only thing that might deter a decent settlement is that she allowed her children to continue their belt program at the same facility. A good lawyer might be able to get around that. An injury is an injury afterall.

    Buddy Thank you for your kind sentiments.

    Terry, Yes he is a narcissist. He is an adopted person who was adopted by two control freaks. The father is a recovered alcholic and doing well now and he has become a humble and sweet man. (The mother is still a narcissistic PIA) sister in law's childhood was that of a kid with a functional alcoholic with a dangerous occupation as a dad. Manipulation was learned at their knees. His sister is a birth child and always the obvious favorite as are her children. sister in law spends his life trying to please all of them but seems to always come up short. It has caused him to be very self-serving. He has no spiritual self. He tries to get his happiness with physical things. As we all know that is a recipe for unhappiness. I do think he could change if he wanted to but he doesn't see why he needs to soooo..... -RM
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Heck, I'm no lawyer but confusion, cogntive changes????? Seems like it would be no biggie to down play the kids continuing. Poor thing that is simply awful.
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I hope you are right. I'd like for her to be set for however long it takes her to be able to work again. -RM