Update on my difficult child and grandsons

[wg67]

Well my difficult child was arrested on warrants she had 2 charges and apparently 2 other charges which doesn't surprise me. The sad thing is her step father in law had called police d urning birthday party for our 2 grandsons and she was arrested in front of her 2 boys sad the kids had to see that. But the paternal step grandpa doesn't care how kids feel..it drive both me and husband nuts. But finally got paperwork filed with the courts and had to serve both parents and paternal grandparents. When we served the other grandparents we got to see our grandsons. But serving my difficult child and her SO was hard as they have been avoiding us knowing paperwork was coming so after receiving an email from my difficult child on a hunch husband and I went to check out a library close by and the difficult child and her SO were there. She figured I wouldn't see her duck into washroom I almost didn't but you guessed it I waited and she got served. Was she mad she was yelling cussing etc when she came out at me and husband. And even in her rage sent husband a text lieing saying I cheated on him. He knows different but wow what lengths our difficult child will say or do. So now waiting for court may 28. We have to apply to the courts to apply for contact its crazy but got to love Canada's justice system. Keeping fingers crossed and keep praying

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[Nancy]

That must have been a difficult day for you. I'm sorry I lost track of your story, are you filing for custody of your grandsons?

 

[Kathy813]

Hello wg67 and welcome to the CD board. I am a little confused by your story. Are you trying to arrange visitation rights to see your grandsons? Who has custody now?

Please give us more information so we understand and can give you support.

I'm glad that you found us.

~Kathy

 

[wg67]

Yes im filing for visitation for my grandsons. Im sorry I haven't posted in a long time so I will give you a quick back story. Our daughter and her SO are both substance addicts. our difficult child and her children lived with us for a while last year her SO convinced her to give guardianship to his mom and step dad back in 2012. She went to rehab detox she was doing good when she was away from her kids dad. We fought for her to get boys back. So when boys came back hubby and I were helping her getting back on feet *we supported all 3 of them for 6 month s. During that time the paternal grandparents held guardianship. So when we started noticing she was back to her drug using self. We sat her down and told her we knew what was going on incouraged her to get help. Nope wasn't her needle we found. Then our 2nd yr old grandson found a needle. We couldn't continue to let her stay social worker told us kick her out for children's safety and because other grandparents had partial guardianship boys were returned to then. We had several items stolen in 6 months and we asked her and told her we were gonna report stolen she claimed wasn't her. Police found out shed been stealing since she got boys back and she was charged. So we haven't seen or talked to grandsons for months. So yes we are applying for visitation. Paternal grandparents act as if the children are theirs. They let no one on our side of family see or talk to boys. Paternal grandfather is controller he is mentally mean to grandkids. Its obe big mess. So we are trying to get visitation and eventually guardianship.custody. these little boys are going through so much it breaks my heart.

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[Kathy813]

wg67, that is a very sad story. I hate that addiction hurts everyone in the family. I hope the court rules in your favor.

~Kathy

 

[Nancy]

wg67 where is your daughter in all this? Is she still living with you? I am sorry if you mentioned that before and I missed it.

 

[wg67]

No my difficult child isn't living with us. We kicked her out a few months back..we had no choice we found several needles in our house her 2 year old had one in his had thank heavens he didn't jab himself. So when this happened I contacted social worker that was involved with daughter asked her and explain what happened. She told me kick her out. And if she tried to take her children that they would be apprehended. So of course our difficult child was mad and other grandparents still had joint guardianship with difficult child our daughter contacted social worker and other grandparents and the children were sent back to other grandparents. So now we have no contact or even phone calls to children. Sw told us she couldn't do anything because legality issue and said to go to court so that's where we are at now. My heart feels so broken for the boys and my difficult child. I keep praying my difficult child will get clean for her kids but so far she hasn't. Im sure you all know how worrisome it is to hear of a murder that is unidentified and is your child's age. I've come to terms and dont blame myself and am staying strong ready to battle for my grandsons. I know it will be a battle as when I served my difficult child with court papers she swore at us and said id never see her kids. I just said nothing and walked away. Im so glad I have a great SO he has kept me strong. So has this board. I've gone to alon and that's helped too. But yes some days its hard as it is almost like reliving my brother and his addictions. .he committed suicide 14 yrs ago. I just have to remember to breath and pray and the realization im not alone

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[Childofmine]

Im sure you all know how worrisome it is to hear of a murder that is unidentified and is your child's age.

Yes I do. If my son isn't in jail or is not in this town, every time I hear about a murder, a drug bust, or some bad thing happening on the news, my heart races. This week, we had a murder here, which is very unusual. I live in a university town of about 120K population so it's fairly quiet (except for drugs of course). I knew difficult child was in jail so my mind quickly recovered, but it's what I do now. Wow that's really sad isn't it? That's what we do.

I've come to terms and dont blame myself and am staying strong ready to battle for my grandsons.

That is great wg67. It sounds like you have been through the wringer with your difficult child. A lot of way out of control stuff. Sometimes I think that gets us to where we are faster. The more drama and chaos, the faster we stop. If things rock along with dysfunction and little drama and chaos, somehow we keep enabling.

I found that to be true in my marriage to my husband of 29 years, who was a very high functioning alcoholic. By the end, I was dancing as fast as I could to keep him happy but I didn't see it for a long time because it came on slowly. Finally his disease progressed and there was drama and then I started seeing it more clearly.

With my difficult child, here has been major drama from the beginning. His decline has been a nearly straight line down.

I am praying for you today. You sound like you are really doing well and using your tools and are working toward something. I hope the right thing happens. Blessings and hugs.

 

[wg67]

Thank you all for your support

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[PatriotsGirl]

Oh I am praying hard for you to get those boys!!!! If it were my precious grandson I would fight hell and high water to get him to me. husband and I swear our Connor will ALWAYS be protected and if anything should ever happen to our daughter or if she were to ever relapse, we will do whatever is needed to keep him safe and with us. I have made that abundantly clear to our daughter as well.

Please keep us updated...(((HUGS)))