Update on my difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Estherfromjerusalem, Dec 15, 2012.

  1. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Well, as you all know, my difficult child has been in Australia for two years now (well, actually February will be two whole years). Going to Australia was his idea, and he did it all on his own. I can't say I didn't worry a bit, but it was so good knowing that he was going to be far away and no longer in our home. During these two years we have seen constant improvement (from so far away). We have been in constant contact with him, speaking on the phone and of course on Skype, and over the past six months we have been using the WhatsApp application on our mobile phones -- we being my husband and myself, and my other seven children (his brothers and sisters), and it has drawn us all closer. Oriel has gone from job to job, but he has been responsible enough not to leave one job until he has found another one, so that he can pay rent and buy food etc. He finally settled down in a house with another guy from Israel about half a year ago, and is paying rent and buying food and working. He seems to hold down a job for a few months and then go on to something else. That's fine. He enjoys the life in Australia. He enjoys the way that rules are rules and everyone seems to keep to them. The driving etiquette seems to suit him, people are restrained and have good manners. There seems to be far less tension there (well, it's not hard to find a place with less tension than Israel to live in!).

    Then a few weeks ago he said that he was going to come for a visit, on 20 March, for three weeks (that would include the Passover festival which is a whole week long). Well, we were all overjoyed, because two years is really a long time and I have been missing him lately, although that took a long time to start missing him. He is, after all, my baby, my youngest child, and yes, I do miss him!

    Well, to cut a long story short -- this week is Chanukah festival (eight days, lighting candles every night). On Tuesday night we were all meeting up at my sister's home, with her children and my children and my other sister's children too. And the next child up, closest to Oriel in age, called Yehuda, arrived with his wife and two children, and then he said "Here's a surprise!" and -- in walked Oriel! I was flabbergasted. We all were. It was wonderful to see him. He had planned this surprise, talking about 20 March just to camouflage his surprise. Yehuda had met him at the airport that morning and had kept him hidden in his home for the day!! I cannot tell you what a shock I had. A wonderful shock! We were all thrilled to see him. He couldn't have dreamed of a warmer welcome than he received, and since then his phone has been ringing non-stop and friends keep coming to see him.

    He has definitely matured during these two years. He is staying with us here at home, and it feels quite different than it used to. There is some level of tension that used to make it unbearable to have him here in the apartment -- and now it is no longer there. He is considerate (so far) and not making waves. I am very happy to see him. I had begun thinking that I must start saving up to buy a ticket so that I can go to Australia and see him, and I am truly happy that he has come for a visit. He is still as beautiful as ever! I don't know how to post photos, otherwise I would post one here.

    There, that's my update. I'm a bit worried about how he suddenly had the money to make this trip. I hope everything is OK.

    Marg, if I ever come to visit him in Sydney, I hope to see you!

    Love, Esther
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    What a treasure and a beautiful surprise! I'm sure it just made your holiday so special, and it was so thoughtful of him to plan this whole suprise. You're a lucky mom!
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That is just the best holiday story! I'm so glad you got to Celebrate like that! Happy Happy Chanukah!
  4. What a wonderful, beautiful story!!! So glad he made it home for Chanukah!
  5. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    What a nice holiday surprise :)

  6. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    What a lovely holiday surprise for you! After all the not-so-thrilling surprises difficult children tend to organize over the years, that kind of surprise makes up a lot :bigsmile:
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm thrilled for you and your family. What a wonderful holiday surprise. Hugs DDD
  8. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Oh, Esther, I had (happy) tears just reading your update! How wonderful to hear how well he's doing. What a wonderful surprise visit! Awwww!

    Happy Chanukah to you and your family.
  9. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your responses. I was a bit apprehensive telling you all. There's still a little niggling doubt deep inside me that it's not quite as it seems, but I hope it's not justified. In the meantime, we'll enjoy having him here for the three weeks.

    Love, Esther
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What a wonderful surprise!!!!!! How sweet and thoughtful of him to surprise all of you this way.

    It is wonderful to hear that he is thriving and seems to have grown up quite a lot during his time in Australia. Such a huge change from his past.

    As for that niggling feeling that something isn't quite what it seems, I think we have that for quite a long time with our difficult children. The important thing is that he is making his own choices and handling the consequences on his own. He is growing up to be quite a remarkable young man. There are not many epople who could handle going to another continent and country to forge a life for themselves, so that is amazing. He will have wonderful stories to tell his children, won't he?

    And for feeling apprehension in telling us, well, we were here for the good and bad times before, and we always will be. No matter what he does, we will be here cheering on his good choices, proud as all get out of his positive accomplishments, and with a shoulder and hankies and rhino skin armor to share with you through the bad times. No matter what.

    (((((hugs))))) to your whole family
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I understand that nagging doubt....but just enjoy the fact that you get to see his face! What a wonderful surprise!!!! Fingers crossed there are no hidden surprises!! HAHA!!
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I understand that niggling doubt but this really ins't a sudden turn around, he has been steadily improving for two years. Enjoy the visit!

    (Any chance his siblings helped him with cost of coming home? My mom's siblings did that once to get their brother home to surprise their parents.)
  13. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    What a happy day!
  14. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    That is a wonderful surprise! What a fantastic Hannukah you must be having. I'm so glad your difficult child is doing so well. Giongt away was just what he needed.
  15. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Very happy for you!
  16. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Such a wonderful surprise for you. If there is something going on... well you will know eventually. In the meantime...Enjoy your visit. -RM
  17. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    What a wonderful update, Esther! I'm am so happy for you!
  18. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Esther, what a lovely gift from your difficult child. Niggling doubt will always be there for all of us. We judge the future based on past experiences, right?
    I find that having difficult child having a life of his own, saves him from being so miserable. It also helps having some distance between us. I am not over watching, over correcting and trying to teach. He is learning from his mistakes. I suspect the fact that your son is making it on his own gives him the self respect and confidence all young men need.
    Enjoy the good times with him and encourage his personal growth but make sure there is a return ticket. LOL.
    I no longer feel like a terrible mother because I handle difficult child better when there is some distance and some disengagement. It's what works for me.
  19. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I forgot to say, I am happy that things are going smoothly and you can enjoy your family.
    by the way, I did this for my m i l this past weekend. I arrived to have a christmas meal with in laws who are frail. 1/2 hr later their other 2 children arrived. It was a lovely weekend for my sweet m i l.
  20. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Thank you all -- you are so kind to be happy for me. I felt guilty to post this, because some of you are going through such hard times. But there are good things also, and it may give hope to some who are having a hard time. Fran, thanks for what you said -- the distance really does help. It has given me a chance to get myself back together. It is actually taking a very very long time and I'm not sure I'm there yet, but it is getting a lot better. I didn't realise just how damaged I was from all those long long years of the conflicts at home. Yes, he has got a return ticket LOL. Mind you, I haven't seen it, but he says he has and I hope it's true!

    I love this place and all the wonderful people here.

    Love, Esther