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Update on my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 625622" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>How validating that must have been for her, Recovering. Not even that she made the calls, but that you were there and, instead of supplying information and energy and focus, that you trusted her to care for herself and for her life.</p><p></p><p>I am sure this is the right way for us to help our troubled adult children to stand up, to become vital adults celebrating their wins and their losses from the centers of their lives, instead of looking to us or to someone else for validation or courage.</p><p></p><p>I love it that this happened.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>"I had no response verbally <u>or emotionally</u>."</p><p></p><p>That's key.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>COM's Richard Rohr did a meditation this morning. (I follow him now, too, COM! Love it. Thank you.) Anyway, it got me thinking that each life has so many different ways it could manifest, and that once we can see it that way, we can change simply by rising or by diving deeper. </p><p></p><p>There is no need to change our essential selves, to be better than we are.</p><p></p><p>I don't know whether I am explaining it clearly enough. It seems so simple in my mind, but is a difficult concept for me to communicate clearly. </p><p></p><p>Your stepping aside opened a new possibility for each of the members of your family, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>There are so many possible realities for each of us, so many selves to breathe life into.</p><p></p><p>But we need room to do that.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think you handled this well. I am going to remember that analogy.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p>I read something the other day. </p><p></p><p>Envision a daffodil.</p><p></p><p>Now, take away the words.</p><p></p><p>The thing is entirely different. Without the words to label and chain down what it is you are looking at, you will see it for itself.</p><p></p><p>I have been thinking that way about my children, and even about myself, about my self concept, in that way.</p><p></p><p>I encourage every one to try that technique. It's mind boggling, life changing, to realize how much thinking we don't do, to understand how much of our everyday reality is not real, at all. Takes about one minute.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p>I would add that it has to do with how we perceive what we see, how we label and chain a thing down so it becomes what we told ourselves we saw.</p><p></p><p>I am surprised how true that is.</p><p></p><p>*****************</p><p></p><p>Recovering, thank you for your post. Through it, we are able to see detachment skills as the results unfold. We have been through the desperate ups and downs of enabling with you (as you have stood with us, too). I love it that your daughter is recovering herself, that step by step, she is beginning the journey free to create whatever she will of it. I love it that your granddaughter is exploring other options for defining what it is that matters.</p><p></p><p>That is huge, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>I love the part about your stepping back enabling your family to step up, to step into different roles. </p><p></p><p>I love this post.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 625622, member: 17461"] How validating that must have been for her, Recovering. Not even that she made the calls, but that you were there and, instead of supplying information and energy and focus, that you trusted her to care for herself and for her life. I am sure this is the right way for us to help our troubled adult children to stand up, to become vital adults celebrating their wins and their losses from the centers of their lives, instead of looking to us or to someone else for validation or courage. I love it that this happened. "I had no response verbally [U]or emotionally[/U]." That's key. COM's Richard Rohr did a meditation this morning. (I follow him now, too, COM! Love it. Thank you.) Anyway, it got me thinking that each life has so many different ways it could manifest, and that once we can see it that way, we can change simply by rising or by diving deeper. There is no need to change our essential selves, to be better than we are. I don't know whether I am explaining it clearly enough. It seems so simple in my mind, but is a difficult concept for me to communicate clearly. Your stepping aside opened a new possibility for each of the members of your family, Recovering. There are so many possible realities for each of us, so many selves to breathe life into. But we need room to do that. I love this. I think you handled this well. I am going to remember that analogy. :O) True. I read something the other day. Envision a daffodil. Now, take away the words. The thing is entirely different. Without the words to label and chain down what it is you are looking at, you will see it for itself. I have been thinking that way about my children, and even about myself, about my self concept, in that way. I encourage every one to try that technique. It's mind boggling, life changing, to realize how much thinking we don't do, to understand how much of our everyday reality is not real, at all. Takes about one minute. True. I would add that it has to do with how we perceive what we see, how we label and chain a thing down so it becomes what we told ourselves we saw. I am surprised how true that is. ***************** Recovering, thank you for your post. Through it, we are able to see detachment skills as the results unfold. We have been through the desperate ups and downs of enabling with you (as you have stood with us, too). I love it that your daughter is recovering herself, that step by step, she is beginning the journey free to create whatever she will of it. I love it that your granddaughter is exploring other options for defining what it is that matters. That is huge, Recovering. I love the part about your stepping back enabling your family to step up, to step into different roles. I love this post. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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