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Update on my Homeless Son
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 665184" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>My son used to find phones to call me on, every day. This was after I finally cut off his phone after months of dragging my feet, wanting to have SOME connection to him. Once again, he was his amazingly resilient self---he found a way. He always seemed to find a way to do what was important to him.</p><p></p><p>High fives to you for the "mmmm" noises. I used to write down on a piece of paper what my responses could be---when I was thinking clearly---because the minute he would get me on the phone a whole lot of confusion would set it, and I would forget a lot of the things I had decided. </p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>You are sucked into it because you love him. That is never bad, I don't think. The love continues, as we learn, but within boundaries of behavior. That's the difference, at least it was for me. I set boundaries about what, when, how I would response, how much I would listen to, what I would do, not do (and I changed them as circumstances changed)...but I love him and I wanted to maintain SOME KIND of relationship, even if it was just three-minute phone calls periodically.</p></blockquote><p> things he needs to do to move the process forward. He said he is too busy to work on it.</p><p></p><p>Really??? Busy doing WHAT?[/QUOTE]</p><p></p><p>I so remember this! Yes! What in the world? Joyfully, he will work on it when it becomes important to him. Until then, he'll be "too busy." </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is an important step, and although it feels harsh, and I know it cost you to type it on this forum, and then to press Send, I think this is the land of 51% me and 49% them. We get SO SICK AND TIRED of the same stuff again and again and again and again. We are completely fed up with it and heartsick and body sick and mindsick of it all.</p><p></p><p>That is when we start to change, and start setting boundaries like you are doing! It IS how we feel.</p><p></p><p>And I think that is a healthy place to be. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We so understand. We understand the see-saw you are on, and back and forth, and all the time wishing he would GET IT!</p><p></p><p>You are getting out of the way so he has a chance to get it. Warm hugs and hang in there! We're here for you!</p><p>[/QUOTE]</p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 665184, member: 17542"] My son used to find phones to call me on, every day. This was after I finally cut off his phone after months of dragging my feet, wanting to have SOME connection to him. Once again, he was his amazingly resilient self---he found a way. He always seemed to find a way to do what was important to him. High fives to you for the "mmmm" noises. I used to write down on a piece of paper what my responses could be---when I was thinking clearly---because the minute he would get me on the phone a whole lot of confusion would set it, and I would forget a lot of the things I had decided. You are sucked into it because you love him. That is never bad, I don't think. The love continues, as we learn, but within boundaries of behavior. That's the difference, at least it was for me. I set boundaries about what, when, how I would response, how much I would listen to, what I would do, not do (and I changed them as circumstances changed)...but I love him and I wanted to maintain SOME KIND of relationship, even if it was just three-minute phone calls periodically. [/QUOTE] things he needs to do to move the process forward. He said he is too busy to work on it. Really??? Busy doing WHAT?[/QUOTE] I so remember this! Yes! What in the world? Joyfully, he will work on it when it becomes important to him. Until then, he'll be "too busy." This is an important step, and although it feels harsh, and I know it cost you to type it on this forum, and then to press Send, I think this is the land of 51% me and 49% them. We get SO SICK AND TIRED of the same stuff again and again and again and again. We are completely fed up with it and heartsick and body sick and mindsick of it all. That is when we start to change, and start setting boundaries like you are doing! It IS how we feel. And I think that is a healthy place to be. Hang in there. We so understand. We understand the see-saw you are on, and back and forth, and all the time wishing he would GET IT! You are getting out of the way so he has a chance to get it. Warm hugs and hang in there! We're here for you! [/QUOTE]
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