Update on my newest sister

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Jul 27, 2011.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    It's been a couple of weeks now since I learned about having a new older sister. I've had a phone call from the detective in charge of the investigation and she updated me on a visit she paid to my sisters mother. Her mother was unwilling to speak on the issue at all although she didn't deny that my father fathered her daughter and this after the detective said there is no reason to feel shame or a need to protect her daughter since obviously her daughter has already figured it all out. The detective left off by advising her that if she chooses to come forward, the crown attorney will lay charges. I doubt she will come forward because she won't even privately discuss anything with my sister. I feel sad for my sister, yet I also understand the awful situation her mother is in and I realize that ending a 40 odd year secret that she's hidden all of this time can't be an easy choice.

    As for my sister, we have spoken daily since she drove to town to meet me. She is coming to town on a day trip for a doctors appointment next week and will be back the week after (or so) for surgery at our hospital so I'll be seeing her daily while she is there. She may stay after discharge with me for a few days to recoup before a long drive home post op. Later in August I am going to spend a few days at my new found aunts cottage and we will be driving on the last day to my sisters town for a visit. I'll be staying over at my sisters for a few days so that I can meet my niece and her baby son. I'm very much looking forward to it. I've been messaging online with my niece and she's terrific. She's young (18) and bipolar, had her son very young. Yet she's fiery and strong willed and loving and outgoing. I like her :).

    This entire journey has been so insane and difficult to truly absorb in its enormity. Yet here I find these beautiful new women to add into our family and it feels as though they've always been here. From being alone in all of this to sharing it with family who are decent and kind and good. Wow. My aunt and sister are both going to be attending his first court appearance mid August together. Funny enough in all of the pain, there was a comment made to me about how he is going to freak out when he sees all of us, who he assumes are unknown to each other, walking in together in solidarity. I imagine that part of all of us that wants to see him visibly squirm is going to feel a tiny bit of satisfaction. I'm glad to have these women with me also since I know other victims will be in attendance and we'll be learning more of the "unknowns" seeing as there are several victims that have come forward that we don't even know their names. Somehow it is less frightening to picture that room with these new relatives alongside.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad there's been so many positives for you along this difficult journey. Many hugs.
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I'm so incredibly grateful for the positives. I think a part of me is digging deep to bury how I'm feeling/reeling with the events unfolding, yet another part of me feels this is a way of coping and managing so much all at once. It has been several weeks that I've had no anxiety so that is a good sign. These little positive events have helped to keep me focused on some good things in the midst of such ugliness. I've learned a few more things the last 2 weeks that I haven't been able to bring myself to post about, one day I may. Suffice to say they transcend the evil that I've written about, hard as that is to imagine. I still most of the time feel as if I'm talking about a movie or a book or something, certainly not my life, my family, half of my gene pool. Perhaps that is a good thing. The mind boggles at the enormity of this entire thing and I am hanging in and hanging on fairly well. There was a time in my life this series of events would have had me asking for medication and possibly unable to function in my daily life. I also never knew just how important true family support can be. Being that its never been there for me, I didn't miss what I'd never known. Now I see just how much it can mean and how much it can help someone cope through lifes dramas.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Odds are when he sees you all walk in there together he's going to soil his pants and attempt to make a deal. Manipulating victims into believing they're completely alone is a big tool in an abusers toolbox to prevent being caught.

    I wold love to be a fly on the wall at that moment.

    I guess it goes to show that even during one of life's toughest struggles, there are blessings to be found.
  5. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Heh. Loving that visual!

    I too am glad you have good coming from all of this.

  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It is wonderful that you all are embracing each other and reaching out to make up for so much time lost. Truly, I am thrilled for you. DDD
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'm happy you've both been able to cultivate a good relationship, especially considering the circumstances. Having an extra shoulder to lean on will help you both.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I'm kinda on the wall about ALLOWING him to see ALL of his "Proginy" together at one time.

    WE - think -----BOY wouldn't that make him squirm.

    HE -being a sicko would probably be PROUD. - I don't think I'd let him see ALL of you together. He doesn't deserve to see you all in one place.....at one time. "HIS grand accomplishment"

    Just a thought.

    I'm very glad for you all as a family - you have survived, walked through hell and come out better for it. Quite remarkable young women.
  9. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Awww that was a nice compliment Star, thank you so much!

    I can see how one might see it as possible to feel that way to him, but trust me Star, he will be terrified. This is only my second in person visit with my new older sister. We pulled an all nighter talking Friday night after easy child was sleeping. We didn't mean to but due to going to our towns summer festival that is this weekend, easy child was up until 1 a.m. So we planned a cup of tea and short private chat before bed, but it turned so crazy the talk, we ended up all night, never hit a pillow. Needless to say, this "man" (Use that term LOOSELY) will be HORRIFIED to see her and I together. He is NOT proud of either of us, he is terrified of me actually, the whole reason he confessed to all of his sex crimes on facebook to me was because he was frightened I'd follow through on rallying women together to charge him since he'd cross the line and drove 2 hours to sneakily see my baby sister whom I'd warned him off breaking the law to remain in contact with, that I WOULD protect her at all costs. So when he knew I had learned from her mother that he did that sneaky visit at her school, he wrote ME on facebook unsolicited to make excuses to ward me off feeling he'd just forced me into big measures to protect my baby sister. That led to the online chat where he was so afraid, I tricked him into confessing to avoid me going to authorities about his sex crime history. He is NOT proud of me. He's scared of me, I'm his worst nightmare, the one woman who stood up to him and ultimately is bringing about his legal demise. As for my new older sister, well turns out not only had he attempted at one time to kill me (put me and my brother as infants in our pjs into a huge snowbank, left us to die and then went inside and slit his wrist. We were ALL found in time but it was a fluke because my mother left work early, worried about what he was up to as he'd been talking crazy that day). He has also attempted the same with my older sister! Turns out he knew her mother was taking her and her 2 other sisters to the beach one day, a 45 min drive up the highway that they lived on. He went in the cover of night and loosed bolts or whatever to all 4 tires. They turned out the driveway and of course got to highway speed right away, and bang, all 4 wheels flew off! They lived with minor injuries and even that was a fluke, they were not meant by him to survive. He cannot be proud of this sister of mine, he wanted her and her mother gone. My sister when she was 2 was also dropped off a second story apartment balcony (broke her collarbone and was found unconcious) by him, this was at my now dead grandmothers apartment (so glad she's no longer on this earth, she was as bad a human as he is) and our father turned up while my grandmother babysit my sister. She was born with leg issues and at the time had been in a cast to her waist due to corrective surgeries. The grandmother claimed she was talking to my father and didn't notice my sister go to the balcony and topple off it. Impossible. She was 2 first of all, no balcony rail is short enough for a 2 year old to topple off of. Not to mention, hello, cast to her waist! Immobile. She got to a balcony HOW?? He dropped her. No other answer.

    I have the feeling he will be wishing for a adult Depends when he sees us together, therefore knowing we are able to share our stories and piece more of this history of his together.

    Aside from the serious content of the all night talk, we had a great visit. easy child is in crush with her new aunt. I swear I haven't seen easy child that charmed by anyone since she was small and worshiped her hockey coach since he was in the NHL before retiring and coaching her team. It was wonderful to watch her with a aunt who can be "aunt-like" considering her experience with my brother was never healthy. We were together until last evening when she headed home last night. Since this was a spontaneous visit, she has decided our planned weekend in 2 weeks where she had a sitter ready for her grandson is still going to happen. easy child will be off with her father, and S/O is going to go fishing with his uncles out of town to give her and I a full weekend just the 2 of us. I can't wait!! easy child, my sis and I went for a helicopter ride yesterday. It was so fun. Only blight on the weekend was going with the neighbor to put down her dog. :( That was horrible.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I will trust ya'll know way better than me what will scare this creep......Best of luck hon. I was just thinking out loud. He sounds so narcissistic.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I'm happy that you're able to take away from this new friendships, joy and support. That is HUGE! Bless you and your family.