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Substance Abuse
Update on my son...
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 689897" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>My son at his worst times used whatever was available... I think alcohol became his drug of choice because it was the easiest for him to get once he turned 21. I too see him making progress but it sure is slow!! The fact that he really wants to work is a good thing.... And this guy he works for I think has been a good mentor to him. He is married, has a couple of kids and I think cares about my son... And also sees him working hard. I have never met him so I am basing this on things my son tells me so who knows.</p><p></p><p>And yes Copa I get that we sometimes do things for them that others thing we shouldn't.... Because we don't want them to be homeless again. And I also get that deep deep wish to help them figure this out, to solve it for them. Cause this sure is hard on us!!! But in the end they have to solve it for themselves.</p><p></p><p>I set boundaries this time around and would not give my son money unless he went to the IOP program. I stuck to it and I do think that was the right thing to do BUT the fact that he felt the arm of control from me I think made him less willing to really do the work. His relationship with the IOP changed when it wa son longer totally his thing. So now he has to go do his thing.... And I am not arguing with him or trying to convince him to do it any differently. I am not even arguing with him over weather he can drink or not. I backed off and just suggested that he make a rule for himself that he not drink alone as that is when he is drinking to deal with his feelings. Because he at this point can see that drinking to deal with feelings is dangerous for him he could acknowledge that that made sense.</p><p></p><p>My hope at this point is that he goes back, gets into work again, makes some friends, is self supporting and so feels some pride in himself and that will somehow motivate him to truly be sober. I know that is a long shot..... But that is what I am holding on to for the moment. Meanwhile I am living and enjoying my life!!</p><p></p><p>Oh and Copa... People tell me I am strong too. And I am and sometimes I know that I am.... And sometimes I am a complete wreck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 689897, member: 15801"] My son at his worst times used whatever was available... I think alcohol became his drug of choice because it was the easiest for him to get once he turned 21. I too see him making progress but it sure is slow!! The fact that he really wants to work is a good thing.... And this guy he works for I think has been a good mentor to him. He is married, has a couple of kids and I think cares about my son... And also sees him working hard. I have never met him so I am basing this on things my son tells me so who knows. And yes Copa I get that we sometimes do things for them that others thing we shouldn't.... Because we don't want them to be homeless again. And I also get that deep deep wish to help them figure this out, to solve it for them. Cause this sure is hard on us!!! But in the end they have to solve it for themselves. I set boundaries this time around and would not give my son money unless he went to the IOP program. I stuck to it and I do think that was the right thing to do BUT the fact that he felt the arm of control from me I think made him less willing to really do the work. His relationship with the IOP changed when it wa son longer totally his thing. So now he has to go do his thing.... And I am not arguing with him or trying to convince him to do it any differently. I am not even arguing with him over weather he can drink or not. I backed off and just suggested that he make a rule for himself that he not drink alone as that is when he is drinking to deal with his feelings. Because he at this point can see that drinking to deal with feelings is dangerous for him he could acknowledge that that made sense. My hope at this point is that he goes back, gets into work again, makes some friends, is self supporting and so feels some pride in himself and that will somehow motivate him to truly be sober. I know that is a long shot..... But that is what I am holding on to for the moment. Meanwhile I am living and enjoying my life!! Oh and Copa... People tell me I am strong too. And I am and sometimes I know that I am.... And sometimes I am a complete wreck! [/QUOTE]
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