Update on Sis (LONG)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by eekysign, Aug 14, 2009.

  1. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    So I've been avoiding writing this, mainly because I couldn't believe that her behavior could 180 so completely. But it's been over 6 months now, so I think it's officially time for an update.....

    Sis has been a raging difficult child her entire life. I can remember her telling me somewhere around 3-5 years old after a rage that "she really did want to kill people sometimes". I had bruises, Mom had bruises, the animals are STILL PTSD about loud noises or footsteps. She has horrible anxiety, worrying constantly about terrorists, murderers, people dying, spiders, snakes, the pets, etc....everything. My friends called her "the evil genius", and some still tell me they were "genuinely scared of her" when she was younger. She was on Paxil from age 8-10 or so, then discontinued when all the black box warnings started popping. She went situationally depressed a few years back, and dropped from 90lbs to 65lbs, and we almost had to admit her to treatment before we got her turned around. She ruined every family holiday, every vacation, pretty much everything she touched, as a child. I have next-to-no joyful memories of her as a kid, most are painful. My family, that never yelled during my childhood (we were the "let's talk it out" sorts), was screaming constantly for years on end.

    I joined up here last fall when she dropped her basket completely - we were trying her at a boarding school, which seemed to help, but was asked to leave (like at every other school for the last few years) late in the fall term for "losing it" regularly with staff and fighting with the other girls. She was a total mess, and we had no ideas as to where to turn. You guys gave me faith that there were solutions out there.

    Sis did intensive counseling during November, December, and most of January. She was finally at the place AND old enough that she was WILLING to go and, more importantly, work on her issues - she was smart enough to SEE that other people were scared of her behavior for the first time ever. I'd never known her to recognize pain or emotion in others before this year. I still don't know why this change happened, but...I'm SO thankful it did.

    Her boarding school welcomed her back with open arms, as long as she continued counseling up there, with another therapist that she LOVED. We hung a trip to Japan with her best friend over her head as positive reinforcement for good behavior, and...magically...the combo of all this worked. The school really recognized her problems and worked hard to avoid pushing her buttons with-o reason - they actually LISTENED to her therapist. She got an entire 4 months of seeing how NICE life was when she was "good", and what benefits "behaving" and "being kind" got her. She's still working on it, but.....she's almost totally "normal" kid anymore.

    I can't even believe the change in her. What's kicked me into writing this is that she was gone last week visiting a friend on Cape Cod. She bought me two gifts there - a book about sisters that she wrote good memories and funny stories of us in, and a coffee mug that's beautiful, and says "Fly!" on it. It's not my birthday. It's not a holiday. She wasn't with any adults encouraging her to buy gifts for family - she did this all on her own. She got stuff for Mom, too. I nearly cried at dinner last night.

    She and I are going camping tomorrow night, at a lake a few miles from my home. If you'd asked me last year, heck, at Christmas, whether I would ever be able to take her camping, I would have said no. I would have said, "She'll rage out and run off, and I'll have to call the cops. Or she'll burn down the campsite because she won't LISTEN to my instructions. Or she'll get scared of the "new" things and demand to be taken home at 1am".

    I have no qualms about taking her. She has a boyfriend that she shares stories of us with us. She has friends all over the world from school, that she is getting excited about seeing. She can't wait to go back to school. Not everything's perfect, but all her drama now is typical teen behavior, for the most part. I just can't believe it....keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    I just wanted to long-windedly thank you guys for being around when I needed you most. After over a decade of insanity, my life is finally calming down RIGHT after I met you all. I know that correlation isn't causation, but coming here helped me. And Sis is doing amazingly well, at least for now (still waiting for something BIG/BAD to come along, life's been pretty easy lately). Just wanted to give my appreciation back. :D
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm so happy to read your update. Big hugs of relief!!
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    What a great update! Thanks for sharing it!
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    I'm glad lil sis is doing so much better. :) I'm moving this to General because it's the more appropriate forum for this topic.
  5. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    My goodness, what a great update!!! Thanks so much for sharing! It looks like there were many factors, not just one silver bullet, that has contributed to her stability. I'm so glad she's in such a good place, and so relieved/happy for you!
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Thanks, Eeky. It'salways good to be told good news stories.

    Even if it doesn't last (and I do hope it does) a period of stability is an indication of where things are heading now - in a positive direction.

    But that doesn't mean you're no longer family here - you will always belong here. Keep us posted.

  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great to hear Eeky! I hope sis continues on her new path.

  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Delightful! DDD
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Eekysign, that is WONDERFUL!
    I am so happy for you.
    You are a gREAT sister. I think your sister is just now realizing that and showing her appreciation.
    I truly hope that this stability continues, and that if she backslides, she picks herself up quickly and gets back on the road to wellness. She's still young and has a lot of growing to do.