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Update on son moving back into my house
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 677343" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Penny, I think I understand you saying you feel empathy. For me, I realized that I was losing any emotional feeling of caring for my son. It was a strange feeling to realize I felt differently, that I really felt like I did not want to even see my son anymore, that I no longer really even cared what was going to happen to him when he left my home and that I really did not want anything more to do with him. I do not like or relate to the person he is now. If he was not related to me, he would not be a person I would gravitate towards in my circle of acquaintances or friends. I sort of just feel sorry for him, that I, his own mother, does not really care about him, his ex-wife doesn’t care about him, and even his kids are getting used to not caring.</p><p></p><p>The only reason I actually have contact with him anymore is because his children (my grands) come to my house every other weekend for supposed “visitation” with their dad. However, because son does not live here anymore, sometimes he shows up to see them for a couple hours here and there, and sometimes he doesn’t with no communication. I think the kids are getting used to him be unreliable, so I see a bit that they are also letting go of some of their caring for him. It is a big time and energy effort on my part to have the kids here 2-3 days every other weekend, as I am the primary caregiver and entertainer, etc. I pity my grandchildren also, so I guess that is why I do it. Also I do not want to lose contact with grands as the time is short, and years will rush by.</p><p></p><p>I can only accept that this is how son chooses to conduct his life, and if he feels hurt in anyway because those close to him are losing love and concern for him, well it is because of his own lack of concern and effort to reciprocate. I do not feel guilty, just feel sorry for him. But then again, I try to remind myself that to think sorrow, sadness, or pity for someone, does not bring or send them any good vibes, but brings them down further. So I try to just give thanks that son is figuring out his own life in his own way, and things are “as they should be,” that “it is what it is.”</p><p></p><p>I do feel bad sometimes - empathize (as you suggested) - but try to keep reminding myself that it's not my concern. My concern has to be a peaceful spririt and feeling of safety for myself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 677343, member: 19617"] Penny, I think I understand you saying you feel empathy. For me, I realized that I was losing any emotional feeling of caring for my son. It was a strange feeling to realize I felt differently, that I really felt like I did not want to even see my son anymore, that I no longer really even cared what was going to happen to him when he left my home and that I really did not want anything more to do with him. I do not like or relate to the person he is now. If he was not related to me, he would not be a person I would gravitate towards in my circle of acquaintances or friends. I sort of just feel sorry for him, that I, his own mother, does not really care about him, his ex-wife doesn’t care about him, and even his kids are getting used to not caring. The only reason I actually have contact with him anymore is because his children (my grands) come to my house every other weekend for supposed “visitation” with their dad. However, because son does not live here anymore, sometimes he shows up to see them for a couple hours here and there, and sometimes he doesn’t with no communication. I think the kids are getting used to him be unreliable, so I see a bit that they are also letting go of some of their caring for him. It is a big time and energy effort on my part to have the kids here 2-3 days every other weekend, as I am the primary caregiver and entertainer, etc. I pity my grandchildren also, so I guess that is why I do it. Also I do not want to lose contact with grands as the time is short, and years will rush by. I can only accept that this is how son chooses to conduct his life, and if he feels hurt in anyway because those close to him are losing love and concern for him, well it is because of his own lack of concern and effort to reciprocate. I do not feel guilty, just feel sorry for him. But then again, I try to remind myself that to think sorrow, sadness, or pity for someone, does not bring or send them any good vibes, but brings them down further. So I try to just give thanks that son is figuring out his own life in his own way, and things are “as they should be,” that “it is what it is.” I do feel bad sometimes - empathize (as you suggested) - but try to keep reminding myself that it's not my concern. My concern has to be a peaceful spririt and feeling of safety for myself. [/QUOTE]
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