Update on son

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by princess, Sep 30, 2013.

  1. princess

    princess New Member

    Hi Everyone: I posted a few weeks ago about my son found out he was using heroin. I went on our vacation and just got back and a message was left that we had our family counseling day today. My husband and I went and spent the day at the rehab center with counselors and my son. He looks good and seems like the child I once had. However he will be getting out next week and I am not sure how this is going to work out. He seems committed to staying clean except I do not see him giving up his friends. He also has not found his higher power which in talking with other parents at the rehab center is crucial to his recovery. They also put him on sleep medication and antidepressant which he is telling us is not helping him at all. The rehab center thinks he has anxiety and depression issues. He will be set up by the rehab center for outpatient care and he has to attend NA meetings and get a sponsor. He also wants to go back to school and try to take a couple of courses and make up the work 5 classes which I do not think he can do....told him to discuss with his adviser. He borrowed the money himself and the semester is paid for. He was told by the college that with a medical leave he can try to make up the classes. He does need something to do otherwise I am concerned he will be bored and use again. He really wanted to come home with us today but my insurance will pay until next week I told him he should stay. So my concerns are that he is going to get off his medications and if he returns to school once he gets stressed he will start using again. I also found out he has lied about so many things to us.
    All of the stuff he said he let his friend borrow had been sold for drugs. I do not know if I can take a relapse -I am stressing even before he gets home it has been so nice not worrying about him while he is in rehab. I admire all of you for dealing with your difficult children for so long not sure I can do it anymore. I would appreciate any advice or thoughts you may have.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Princess, there will be other parents along who are better equipped to talk to you about the substance abuse and the facility your son is in. I just wanted you to know I read your post and I understand completely how you are feeling. It is terrific when they are cared for and safe, we can breathe a sigh of relief and relax in ways we can't when they are living with us.

    My advice is always to find ways to support yourself, your own therapy, your own support groups, 12 step groups, NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness since your son has anxiety and depression issues too (they have great parent courses which give you tools and understanding). We need to feel cared for and taken care of as we go through whatever detachment process our kids insist we face. However you slice it, you are in this movie with your son and it makes sense to learn the ropes as best you can...............and get as much support as you can........

    I hope your son stays clean. If he doesn't there are many parents here who can offer you advice, support and empathy because they have been in your shoes. Keep posting, it helps. I wish you peace. Hang in there.......
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things you can not change" (your son's choices after rehab)
    "The courage to change the things I can" (you can change yourself and your reactions to son and life in general)
    "And the wisdom to know the difference."

    It is not necessary to have a higher power to change. It is useful, not necessary. People quit in many different ways. My daughter never saw a rehab or an AA meeting and she just quit after seeing a "friend" who took off her long sleeved shirt and displayed all of her needle marks up and down both arms. My daughter told herself "That will be me." That was the beginning of her quitting. She did it on her own terms, when she was ready. Nobody will quit until they are completely committed to it. One of the first signs that the person is ready is he/she drops the drug using friends. You are right. My daughter had NO friends for a long time and would call and cry to me that she was lonely, but she did not go back to her druggie friends.

    In the case of heroin, have you discussed Methodone with staff and son? That is one thing you can broach.

    Regardless, you have no control over this situation and worrying does no good. I think it is better to concentrate on your life, the people in that life that have made GOOD choices and are supportive and fun, and, since you seem to have a higher power, like I do, give your son over to God and live a fun, rich life in spite of your son's bad choices and struggles.

    You can not save him. Only one person can save him...himself. If your son truly decides to quit, you can be there for him every step of the way, but, in the end, his journey is his to take...alone.

    But you can help YOURSELF tremendously.