Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Update on special needs grandson custody
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="tishthedish" data-source="post: 663033" data-attributes="member: 17103"><p>I am frozen. Fear, anger, dread, horror, my mind cannot stop cycling through the problems that I am facing. My husband and I have had custody of our special needs 4 year old grandson since early June. DCFS revoked custody from my son and baby mama after child was found on 4 lane highway nude at night. Son was in jail already for drunk driving and baby mama was strung out on something. She was arrested for child endangerment.</p><p></p><p>Here's where we are now. Baby mama is in a 90 residential rehab program. She called once and we haven't heard from her since. difficult child 2 is in AA and working the program. He is living with a straight arrow friend. He has one 2-hour supervised visit with GS per week. On the weekends we allow (with DCFS approval) to come and spend time with us as we are exhausted and need help with GS. </p><p></p><p>Last week difficult child 2 was going to come over on a weeknight to visit and give us a an extra hand. I was to pick him up in the afternoon. I called at 2 and could tell I had woken him up. His AA meeting is at noon, so I knew he skipped it. It was the first day he hadn't attended. I felt as if I had been kicked in the gut. I had been doing okay since I knew he was trying his hardest, but this faltering made me see that the outcome of this scenario might not be as I had hoped. I ended up going to his apartment and telling him he wasn't coming over and that the visits were going to go back to the supervised weekend ones only. My husband was livid that we are working so hard to live our lives and support ourselves while taking care of his son and he "sleeps in". When you have no home, no job, no car and no kid, there's no such thing as sleeping in. I don't see a burning fire in him to get his son back. I don't sense an urgency and I find that disturbing and foreboding. Who IS this person I gave life to????</p><p></p><p>In the meantime the stresses of taking care of our precious grandson are piling up. I know that in the long run we are not going to be able to maintain this level of care. Thankfully the agency that is now handling our case is going to be providing us with several hours of respite per week. Maybe things will become clearer to me when that actually happens. </p><p></p><p>The person in charge of that agency said that plan A is to have my son get GS back but since my husband and I won't be able to do this in the long run (I said we'd foster for a year) we need to get as many people involved in our GS's life as possible to improve the prospects of a family member or friend fostering and possibly adopting if our son loses custody permanently. I feel like I need to market my GS, and I guess I do in a sense. The prospect of not seeing him or being a part of his life is unfathomable. The idea of him taken out of all he is familiar with seems so cruel. I am having a very hard time focusing on today and not having these very disturbing thoughts intruding on the present. </p><p></p><p>My marriage has taken some blows due to this situation as well. I have told D H that I am not equipped emotionally or physically to raise a special needs child. He said he doesn't know if he can give him up. I told him I understood and that I would step away from the situation and let him raise GS. Our marriage has been happy and solid. We are soul mates. But what he can't understand is that I can't do this again. I don't have it in me. I gladly did what I needed to do with our sons and their schools and doctors and symptoms and medications, but GS and the manifestation of his symptoms take up every inch of emotional and physical energy from both of us. And the impracticality of it at our age is apparent. </p><p></p><p>In the meantime difficult child 1 has been acquitted of violating parole and has been transferred to another prison. From what I understand they have not found a facility that will take him. The fact he was convicted of assault and is bipolar makes it difficult for him to be placed. If he has to stay in the system, he won't be released until mid-2016. He has gotten into fights in prison and is placed in isolation most of the time. In the last 2 months we have talked to him for a total of 10 minutes. </p><p></p><p>There is more going on in our extended family but this is the front burner stuff. I feel I am reaching the tipping point. I am spent and there is no good news on the horizon. Just lots of hard work. And more hard work. </p><p></p><p>I feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under me and that the progress I had made in detaching and focusing on myself and accepting the things I could not change has been blasted away. Please tell me how I can live my life and detach when the outcome of someone's drinking and irresponsibility has landed squarely in the middle of my world and it's little and blonde and gives kisses and hugs and loves and trusts me? (while peeing all over my house and flushing spoons down the toilet?)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tishthedish, post: 663033, member: 17103"] I am frozen. Fear, anger, dread, horror, my mind cannot stop cycling through the problems that I am facing. My husband and I have had custody of our special needs 4 year old grandson since early June. DCFS revoked custody from my son and baby mama after child was found on 4 lane highway nude at night. Son was in jail already for drunk driving and baby mama was strung out on something. She was arrested for child endangerment. Here's where we are now. Baby mama is in a 90 residential rehab program. She called once and we haven't heard from her since. difficult child 2 is in AA and working the program. He is living with a straight arrow friend. He has one 2-hour supervised visit with GS per week. On the weekends we allow (with DCFS approval) to come and spend time with us as we are exhausted and need help with GS. Last week difficult child 2 was going to come over on a weeknight to visit and give us a an extra hand. I was to pick him up in the afternoon. I called at 2 and could tell I had woken him up. His AA meeting is at noon, so I knew he skipped it. It was the first day he hadn't attended. I felt as if I had been kicked in the gut. I had been doing okay since I knew he was trying his hardest, but this faltering made me see that the outcome of this scenario might not be as I had hoped. I ended up going to his apartment and telling him he wasn't coming over and that the visits were going to go back to the supervised weekend ones only. My husband was livid that we are working so hard to live our lives and support ourselves while taking care of his son and he "sleeps in". When you have no home, no job, no car and no kid, there's no such thing as sleeping in. I don't see a burning fire in him to get his son back. I don't sense an urgency and I find that disturbing and foreboding. Who IS this person I gave life to???? In the meantime the stresses of taking care of our precious grandson are piling up. I know that in the long run we are not going to be able to maintain this level of care. Thankfully the agency that is now handling our case is going to be providing us with several hours of respite per week. Maybe things will become clearer to me when that actually happens. The person in charge of that agency said that plan A is to have my son get GS back but since my husband and I won't be able to do this in the long run (I said we'd foster for a year) we need to get as many people involved in our GS's life as possible to improve the prospects of a family member or friend fostering and possibly adopting if our son loses custody permanently. I feel like I need to market my GS, and I guess I do in a sense. The prospect of not seeing him or being a part of his life is unfathomable. The idea of him taken out of all he is familiar with seems so cruel. I am having a very hard time focusing on today and not having these very disturbing thoughts intruding on the present. My marriage has taken some blows due to this situation as well. I have told D H that I am not equipped emotionally or physically to raise a special needs child. He said he doesn't know if he can give him up. I told him I understood and that I would step away from the situation and let him raise GS. Our marriage has been happy and solid. We are soul mates. But what he can't understand is that I can't do this again. I don't have it in me. I gladly did what I needed to do with our sons and their schools and doctors and symptoms and medications, but GS and the manifestation of his symptoms take up every inch of emotional and physical energy from both of us. And the impracticality of it at our age is apparent. In the meantime difficult child 1 has been acquitted of violating parole and has been transferred to another prison. From what I understand they have not found a facility that will take him. The fact he was convicted of assault and is bipolar makes it difficult for him to be placed. If he has to stay in the system, he won't be released until mid-2016. He has gotten into fights in prison and is placed in isolation most of the time. In the last 2 months we have talked to him for a total of 10 minutes. There is more going on in our extended family but this is the front burner stuff. I feel I am reaching the tipping point. I am spent and there is no good news on the horizon. Just lots of hard work. And more hard work. I feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under me and that the progress I had made in detaching and focusing on myself and accepting the things I could not change has been blasted away. Please tell me how I can live my life and detach when the outcome of someone's drinking and irresponsibility has landed squarely in the middle of my world and it's little and blonde and gives kisses and hugs and loves and trusts me? (while peeing all over my house and flushing spoons down the toilet?) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Update on special needs grandson custody
Top