Update on the Sunny Household

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by SunnyFlorida, Feb 10, 2008.

  1. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Hi All,
    Just wanted to update you all on "what's been happening" with us.:crazy1:

    I've been extremely busy at work. So much so that my Personal improvement plan is to "leave on time". Due to the extended hours that I have been putting in, I have had no extra time to read or write any posts, which is why I've sort of been MIA. Due to the huge amount of time I used to be posting.....it seems husband and I have sort of fallen out of like with each other. Good news is we understand it and are doing our best to support each other and find our way back to either where we were before, or hopefully a better area.

    difficult child 1 is in school and should be finishing up soon. He went to school for building maintenance so hopefully he will become gainfully employed soon. I do not think he has stopped using which will have quite an impact on his hiring ability but.....I like SOC feel that detached feeling so much more now.

    easy child/difficult child 2 has been employed fulltime know for 6mo. He seems to be accepting adult responsibility more. He calls husband on his own and is building his own relationship with him. He'll be 21 in 6mo and I think he's the closest I can call to easy child. He's fun to be around.

    husband is well....a husband. He wants the whole world to be about him and when it's not he gets irritated. He works hard and understands that we've put in alot of years together and financially and emotionally it wouldn't be in anyone's best interest to leave. So....I can tell he's trying hard to work on himself.

    I stop in when I can. As always...thinking of you all.:D
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Good to "read you", Sunny. Sounds like both boys are making progress and that it is time to focus on you for awhile. I don't think you exactly meant it the way it was written...but, the time you've spent on the Board
    shouldn't be designated as the reason for the "out of like". The years of strain with the boys and the necessity for you to take the lead is more than likely a big factor. on the other hand, if it were possible to spare DHs the awareness of the problems probably all of us would have happier husbands. Don't take on the burden of responsibility. You didn't horde the decision making. It was available for a 50/50 split.

    On a cheerier note, you and husband are probably ready to move on to another stage of your marriage which means both of you need to fall back and regroup. It's not easy to readjust but I know couples who have been successful in the effort. I'm sure you can be too. Hugs. DDD
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Thanks for the update. Sounds like you are doing well.

    I know you are busy and can't come to the site to give back but I thought you might like an update on our difficult child's and home.
    My difficult child is in NJ working on independence skills. He had a rocky start but seems to be moving along. We aren't sure what the future will bring for him but we are working on it.

    easy child is back for his second semester after working his whole break. He is having a lot of medical follow up studies since it's 2 yrs since his craniotomy.

    husband has be working long hours for weeks but things seemed to have slowed down. We are trying to work together to get the house finished. It's important for us to share time together. We still aren't completely unpacked. We just want to park the car in the garage soon.

    I'm doing ok. I am involved in some charity work but am not really ready to be out of the house much.
    So we are all doing pretty well at present but never sure what the future brings.

    Hope your husband and you work through this tough time. It really is so good that you 2 are working on it instead of splitting up. At least you both know you gave it a good try.
  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aww, Sunny, I hate to hear that you and your husband are having problems. Having a difficult child is so hard on a marriage and having two might be a fatal blow.

    It's funny but in some ways I think the years post-difficult child are even harder on the marriage. You know longer have the difficult child crises to hold you together and you have to start focusing on yourselves and your marriage. I think that's when trouble spots that were already there tend to come out of the shadows.

    I'm so glad to hear that you and your husband realized that your years together are worth trying to save. Like Fran said, if nothing else, at least you will have the comfort of knowing that you did all you could to work things out.

    I think of you often and was hoping that your absence was a sign of peace and happiness in your real world. It does sound like your difficult children are growing up and moving away from GFGdom.

    A quickie update on my difficult child. She is still living on her own, delivering pizza for a living, and going to school. Last semester, she finished 4 classes with a 3.5 GPA. She is still hanging with a party crowd, though, and I know that she is still drinking at parties and I think there is still pot use involved. I've detached enough to appreciate the good things that she is doing and let go of the other things as her problems to deal with.

    easy child has stopped playing softball and transferred to an in-state school. She finished last semester with a 3.8 GPA but doesn't like the college that she is now attending. She has applied to transfer to UGA next year where I think that she will be happier. She has had a little trouble with transitioning from being a softball star and being surrounded by teammates to being lonely at her new school. We have her seeing a counselor which is helping. She also comes home a lot. So much for our empty nest. LOL.

    You are one of the CD members that I have had the pleasure to meet in person so you will always have a special place in my heart.

    Stay in touch, Sunny. I miss you.

  5. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member


    Good to "see" you. I'm sorry to hear that things are a bit stressful with husband, but I do understand. Sometimes, as others mentioned, when we are in such overdrive dealing with our difficult child's and then they leave the nest, it takes some getting used to. Not that calm is a bad thing by any means, lol, but you know what I mean.

    I'm glad to hear both boys seem to be doing well. Yipppeeee!

    I joined your club over the weekend ... the Grandma Club ! Yes, I have joined the ranks. Our grandson made his debut on Saturday at 3:35, weighing in at 6.45 pounds. He's already stolen mine and husband's heart, needless to say.

    Not sure whether I'll make it down to your sunny state or not this summer, as we also have a wedding to get ready for. My oldest is getting married in August, and it's quite an elaborate celebration.

    You know me though, I'll be itching to get down there when my office is on shutdown. lol. I'm ready for another Margarita Day !

    Hang in there. You know where to find us if you need us!

    Many hugs and good thoughts,
  6. judi

    judi Active Member

    Hi Sunny. I too have been gone for awhile. Life changes and somehow even with our difficult children we must move on. We've been married for almost 28 years now and in the last couple of years, our lives and relationship has changed much. Like our relationships with our now-adult kids, things change. It may not always be in the direction we would like, but it always evolves. I totally understand where you are coming from. Sorry things are hard now.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Wahoo, Deb! Sunny and I are ready on a moments notice. DDD
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Hi Sunny glad the kids are doing well...sorry things are hard with your husband. Married 36 years here and I do understand your situation. HUGS -RM