Update re: court/bio father

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Jun 29, 2011.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Just wanted to stop by for a second and tell you all that the detective who is investigating the cases against my bio father just telephoned. She was looking for contact info for my mother and my brother in order to ask a few questions of them that the crown attorney was inquiring about and wanted done before they move forward.

    She then told me that the case has gone on to the Crown (which is why she's tying loose ends up, on the Crowns behest) and that she is hoping next week (!) to be "Dealing with X" (was how she put it). She said she'd be touching base immediately with me following which I was glad to hear. She then said that originally she thought they'd offer to have all of the cases together in HER community or he'd be doing cases in 5 separate cities and across 2 provinces. Well turns out the Crown was not having that, and has said that their office/town WILL be keeping ALL cases regardless of what the city the crime occurred in as they were keeping this case and seeing it all through to the end. That is the best sort of news, shame him in the community he lived longest where he committed most offenses against most people.

    So all, next week ?!?! She said if something changes from now until then she will let me know so I'm not thinking it is imminent. She also said she's still working to track down where he is living right now. That has me wondering if he's left the common law live in relationship he was in, but really, who cares. They'll find him, he has no money and can't stay floating around forever. It feels this has gone on forever and for the first time we're on the cusp of the first nail in his coffin. I'm processing as I type. It's quite surreal again today, you wait for this moment and then its in front of you and hard to comprehend. I suppose I'd given up years ago ever feeling in a position to help put an end to his abuses. And here we are. Lots to take in.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, it is a lot to process. It sounds like they've got a good handle on things and will find him soon enough (maybe not soon enough for your anxiety level, though. ;) ).
    I'm so glad this is finally being handled.
    Many hugs.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is really fast. I thought it would take a lot longer. I hope they can find him easily - and that they don't just give up. Hopefully they can monitor enough of the various places that might help him (social services, tax dept, whatever) so he doesn't hide for long.

    in my opinion it is good he is tried in one place for all his crimes. It means that they won't keep evidence of the other crimes out of court. Not sure how your system works, but here it IS possible for an attorney to get prior convictions kept out of the trial, even if they were for similar crimes. husband was on a jury once and after the verdict was read the paper ran a short article that mentioned a number of prior offenses, several for the same thing - and most were sex crimes.

    Plus having one trial for all saves you and his other victims from a LOT of re-living, stress and hardship from having to testify over and over as to his character, types of crimes, etc...

    The people on this case sound very determined and efficient. Hopefully it will mean a long jail term (where everyone knows what he did!) and no future victims.

    I am so proud of the way you are and have handled this entire thing. It is incredibly difficult and even when you thought you had NO support from your extended family, you still went and told the truth and did what you could to help get him brought to trial. And you did it all with-o bringing too much conflama into your daily life. Some conflama is inevitable, but you haven't let this rule your life. You are one very strong lady.

  4. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Thank you for that Susie. I'm feeling flustered today but I suppose thats to be expected. Prior to the call however I was relaxed and mid-nap. I'm glad I'm able to deal with things when they arise and then put them on the back burner. I get a feeling that soon enough it might be more demanding on my emotions if he doesn't plead guilty as there will be all of these trials going on and with that will come more activity surrounding it and make it harder to back burner day to day. So I'm glad I've had this time to myself in order to try to distance a part of myself and gain strength since initially following his confession I was very shaken for some time.

    My first instinct was to call my one aunt on his side of the family and update her, and I've decided against it. If she calls I'll mention it but there's been a lot going on for that side of my family. Just before the weekend my other aunt (the one who lives around the corner from my mother in law) lost her daughter in law. She was 36 years old, same as me, and left behind a husband and a daughter. Actually the daughter came with her grandma (my aunt) to meet my baby sister and I for the first time during the Christmas season. She was delightful. Same age as my easy child. I know that side of my family is dealing with a funeral this week among other things. I hope she understands later on that I didn't feel it right to put this on her mind when they are all grieving. I'm sure she will, she knows my heart is in the right place.

    I hate that my mother will without a doubt be starting to call my house again. Argh! My brother too I'm sure, actually he's tried calling randomly 3-4 times the past couple of weeks. (I don't answer and he doesn't leave a message) I really have nothing to say to either of them, simply because, well there's nothing to say. If they become persistent I plan to answer each of them one time and tell them that we are not involved in each others lives for very good reasons and this situation doesn't change that so if they want updates or information to try the investigating detective who should be able to tell them something.

    I'm very glad that easy child is finished school tomorrow for the summer. With S/O going back to work, I have a strange summer ahead with large bulks of time I will be alone. In some ways that will be good, in others perhaps too much time? easy child splits the summer here and at her dads house. So on the weeks she is home I plan to spend those days having some fun mom-daughter times and focus on helping her enjoy herself. It will be a great distraction and with Matt so far away now, it will be our first summer with her having me all to herself. I'll have to come up with some good activities.

    Taking this all mentally I think in baby steps. For now, baby step until arrest. From there, baby step until first court appearances etc. In between, I have easy child to keep busy, S/O's new job to celebrate (knock on wood) and S/O's 40th birthday. Not to mention a wedding to plan. All very good things that are much more deserving of my daily focus than all of this. When this is all over though, when its done and over with, I have the feeling a emotional purging is going to be in order. I'm actually contemplating asking S/O if he'd mind if I take my first ever vacation on my own for a week. I've always dreamed of going off alone to a peaceful resort somewhere great and just reading on the beach, sleeping and waking and eating whenever I want, site seeing with resort tour groups and only doing what I want and not worrying about a travel companions wishes. Perhaps when this is all said and done would be a good time to cross that off my bucket list. I can picture launching a goodbye to my pain letter in a bottle into a blue ocean somewhere and coming home with a mind to 100% move on from all of this and never have to look back. It's been over 2 decades of it all and that is more than enough I am thinking. I'll send a postcard ;)
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    A vacation alone is a great idea! Go for it. You've earned it.
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I agree the vacation and bon voyage to this issue would be a great thing. I'm glad they're making sure they have their ducks in a row but aren't wasting time in the process.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad things are moving ahead!