klmno
Active Member
Well, I was really getting on board with the idea that maybe a therapeutic mentor could help difficult child, especially after realizing he's having strong tendencies for certain things and struggling with temptations vs staying out of trouble. I had a list of goals that difficult child and I had developed ready for yesterday's meeting. I didn't think they'd be able to help with all of them, but thought this would show them our intent and they could tell us which things they could address.
The lady who had called me before and set this up was the director/super and she had said this first meeting had to be between all of us and the mentor himself so we could discuss our goals, fill out paperwork, and set a schedule up, and difficult child and the mentor could get introduced. She said it would take about 1 1/2 hours.
What really happened?
A guy showed up at the scheduled time and said he was the super. He seemed very awkward with the whole thing- difficult child later said the guy seemed high. Anyway, then a guy showed up and said he was the mentor but he wouldn't stay the mentor, difficult child would be getting another one. Then difficult child got home from school and this is what they explained- The first guy is just moving into a position of being a super. The mentor really is a mentor but they are bringing a new guy into their office as a mentor who will be assigned to work with difficult child. They can't start him yet because they haven't gotten the guy's paperwork or background check in yet. They asked our goals, I showed them my list, they said we were at least 2 steps ahead because it normally takes weeks to get families that far. (I thought this was an individual thing for difficult child- not family stuff.) They didn't write one thing down, set up no schedule, or anything else. They were trying to stress with difficult child the importance of a trusting relationship between them and difficult child and I did interject at that point that they were also helping the PO monitor difficult child so I didn't want difficult child mislead into thinking this was a trusting relationship like he would get with a therapist- if he had done something wrong and tells his mentor, it does get reported to the PO and it's only fair to let difficult child know that- otherwise it appears to be a conflict of interest on their part to me. They got defensive at that point, I told them that it wan't that I didn't understand- I don't cover for difficult child's wrong-doings either- I just don't want him mislead about what to expect.
Then, these two 20 something young men said they wouldn't be doing any scheduling or paperwork today (yesterday), they were just there to keep the appointment and answer any questions I might have since we already had made the appointment but they were having some administrative issues in their office so they just came by to introduce themselves. (Why, if they aren't the ones that are going to be working with difficult child?) Someone will call me next week to discuss more.
I told difficult child that I need to let PO know he wasted the county's money on this one- at best difficult child will end up with someone who is just starting out and has never done anything like this before. difficult child said not to tell PO because he'd end up with someone who demands too much and has to have everything perfect and by the book. Honestly I think difficult child would be better off just seeing the PO more often after this meeting yesterday. The PO is a big, intimidating-looking man but he doesn't come across as real mean. difficult child likes him and would listen to him.
What irks me about this most is that the lady (director/super) made big issue about me not being willing to meet 2 hours after after difficult child's release and told PO that I wasn't working things out with her. Then, after I got that straight and arranged an appointment with her that worked with difficult child's school schedule and her schedule because she said she HAD to be here for this first appointment and it HAD to be in normal working hours, she didn't even come and sent some clueless guy. Also, she said she would be calling me sometime this week prior to the appointment and aksed if that was ok and I said yes, but she never called.
difficult child told me this looks like a situation where a company gets paid by the county and when they doon't do what they're supposed to, they tell the PO and courts that it was the family's fault for some reason (whatever they can come up with), so the county will still pay them. Well, difficult child just might have explained why so many times we parents end up getting blamed for stuff that doesn't quite fit what really transpired.
The lady who had called me before and set this up was the director/super and she had said this first meeting had to be between all of us and the mentor himself so we could discuss our goals, fill out paperwork, and set a schedule up, and difficult child and the mentor could get introduced. She said it would take about 1 1/2 hours.
What really happened?
A guy showed up at the scheduled time and said he was the super. He seemed very awkward with the whole thing- difficult child later said the guy seemed high. Anyway, then a guy showed up and said he was the mentor but he wouldn't stay the mentor, difficult child would be getting another one. Then difficult child got home from school and this is what they explained- The first guy is just moving into a position of being a super. The mentor really is a mentor but they are bringing a new guy into their office as a mentor who will be assigned to work with difficult child. They can't start him yet because they haven't gotten the guy's paperwork or background check in yet. They asked our goals, I showed them my list, they said we were at least 2 steps ahead because it normally takes weeks to get families that far. (I thought this was an individual thing for difficult child- not family stuff.) They didn't write one thing down, set up no schedule, or anything else. They were trying to stress with difficult child the importance of a trusting relationship between them and difficult child and I did interject at that point that they were also helping the PO monitor difficult child so I didn't want difficult child mislead into thinking this was a trusting relationship like he would get with a therapist- if he had done something wrong and tells his mentor, it does get reported to the PO and it's only fair to let difficult child know that- otherwise it appears to be a conflict of interest on their part to me. They got defensive at that point, I told them that it wan't that I didn't understand- I don't cover for difficult child's wrong-doings either- I just don't want him mislead about what to expect.
Then, these two 20 something young men said they wouldn't be doing any scheduling or paperwork today (yesterday), they were just there to keep the appointment and answer any questions I might have since we already had made the appointment but they were having some administrative issues in their office so they just came by to introduce themselves. (Why, if they aren't the ones that are going to be working with difficult child?) Someone will call me next week to discuss more.
I told difficult child that I need to let PO know he wasted the county's money on this one- at best difficult child will end up with someone who is just starting out and has never done anything like this before. difficult child said not to tell PO because he'd end up with someone who demands too much and has to have everything perfect and by the book. Honestly I think difficult child would be better off just seeing the PO more often after this meeting yesterday. The PO is a big, intimidating-looking man but he doesn't come across as real mean. difficult child likes him and would listen to him.
What irks me about this most is that the lady (director/super) made big issue about me not being willing to meet 2 hours after after difficult child's release and told PO that I wasn't working things out with her. Then, after I got that straight and arranged an appointment with her that worked with difficult child's school schedule and her schedule because she said she HAD to be here for this first appointment and it HAD to be in normal working hours, she didn't even come and sent some clueless guy. Also, she said she would be calling me sometime this week prior to the appointment and aksed if that was ok and I said yes, but she never called.
difficult child told me this looks like a situation where a company gets paid by the county and when they doon't do what they're supposed to, they tell the PO and courts that it was the family's fault for some reason (whatever they can come up with), so the county will still pay them. Well, difficult child just might have explained why so many times we parents end up getting blamed for stuff that doesn't quite fit what really transpired.
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