Update - She's in jail

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by WearyMom18, May 26, 2015.

  1. WearyMom18

    WearyMom18 Member

    It's been a while since I last posted. I've been actually trying to live my life and have been quite enjoying it the last few months.

    Last I posted, I think my Difficult Child was out on the streets which was the case until last Tuesday when she was arrested for giving the police a false name because of her two outstanding warrants for failure to appear in two different counties.

    I was relieved, as was my husband, that she was in jail - safe, not on the street and not on drugs. She's really done it and now it's time to face the music. She has been in the county she was arrested in for a week now and found out today after court that they are considering this week time-served for the false ID charge and now she has to wait 10-14 business days to be picked up by one of the other two counties to face her original charges there. She said, she is likely to spend 6-8 months in jail before it's over.

    I'm happy finally and as strange as it may sound to parents that don't have a Difficult Child, I don't think about her much in the course of my day. I'm okay that she's in jail - completely okay for the first time in what seems like forever. I sleep well, I am doing well at work, my husband and I are loving our peaceful home and time together, my bank account seems to drain more slowly (lol) and my phone is pretty quiet these days.

    She's an adult, she's made bad choices, they have landed her in jail and she has to deal with that - not me. I feel like I am seeing 20/20 for the first time since she began her Difficult Child behavior. I'm calm, anxiety under control and actually just returned from a short beach vacation with my sister and family and couldn't have had more fun.

    There IS life after Difficult Child's and with Difficult Child's - I used to think it was a lifetime of torture but it's not - it's what you make of it. That said, I will tell any parent going through he** with their Difficult Child that it's something you have to learn - you have to learn to accept that you have no control, you have to learn that it's okay to not feel guilty, you have to learn that sometimes kicking them out and cutting them off is the absolute best thing you can do for your child. None of those things just come naturally I don't think but gosh, if you commit to it, let yourself breathe and heal, you too can be happy - and be detached from your Difficult Child and their difficult life.

    I can finally say, I'm detached, I'm happy, I'm confident and I no longer carry guilt. I'm alive!

    Thanks to everyone here that was absolutely instrumental in showing me the light - I can say with 100% certainty that without this group of people and their absolute sound and healthy advice, I would still be a basket case, wrought with depression and worry and guilt. I can't thank all of you enough and I hope that I can continue to be part of the group to help others that are new here or may be new or struggling with their Difficult Child's situation - it's the least I can do.

    XOXOXOXO - (No longer) Weary
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  2. WearyMom18

    WearyMom18 Member

    The hubs is awesome. It's amazing how much my marriage has improved even over what I knew was a strong one...learning together has been so good for us.
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Love your attitude and positivity, WearyMom. Sorry about your daughter's choices, but sometimes jail shakes them up so you never know.

    I am glad she is safe and you are at peace. I value peace and serenity above all other feelings.
  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    Weary mom, I am so glad to hear of your newly found peace. It is such an accomplishment and a relief to finally be able to step away and find yourself again, regardless.

    I was always more at peace when Difficult Child was in jail because I knew he was somewhere.

    That helped me and I could breathe again.

    Lean into it, claim it, wallow in it and live every minute of it. This minute if our life not last week or yesterday or tomorrow...right now! Make right now great.
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Thanks for the update. You have come a long way in a very short amount of time. I am so happy that you have found some peace.

    Keep the skills you have learned sharp. I hope you won't need them again and that your daughter will be able to make some better life choices.
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This. 100% this. Much love to you, WearyMom.

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  7. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    Hi Weary,

    I'm with you. My son is in jail too, has been since March. He seems oddly OK there...we talk for his alloted 5 minutes every day. I send him the occasional book. He is in some sort of 12 step program there called Wings...they encourage insight and contemplation, and he says stuff like "when I get mad about being here, I think, well, what else was going to happen? everything I've done for the last four years has lead me here.". This has more of a ring of authenticity to it than ever before..which does not, of course, mean anything will be any different when he gets out, it just means he is easier to talk with now. My days pass easily. I sleep well. I'm happy. It will all work out as it should. I did all I could possibly have done to protect him and to protect my other kids from him...and now we are where we are. It sounds like you are in a similar place. I'm sure it seems very strange to most parents...but....we are OK! Better than OK, because we know what "very very not OK" looks like too.

    Holding hands hugs and smiles with you today.

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  8. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    I totally get it-I like it when my Difficult Child is in jail and he does too.

    Never thought I'd write those words, but I'm very happy for your happiness and peace of mind!