Update: So Here's What I Did....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, May 5, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    So after getting some good feedback from everyone here....I decided that I would go to the school and act as a sort of an "aide" for my son.

    I showed up un-announced at about 1:45....figuring that I would arrive shortly before everyone needed to be packed up for the bus. I didn't say a word, and just quietly sat next to my son's desk.

    He seemed to be participating in class well. He knew the answers to several questions. He took his turn reading from the textbook. Everything seemed fine until the bell rang and the teacher said basically "OK, everyone, time to head for the bus".

    My son jumped up WITHOUT his homework, his books, or important papers....and so, as the "aide", I simply said "Do you have your homework?".

    At my prompt, he went back and got his homework and books. One more prompt and he grabbed the important papers. He was all set.

    This is apparantly the problem. The teacher cannot be bothered with those prompts....and yet seems to take special satisfaction in giving my son a zero if he does not turn in the homework the next day. Talk about passive/aggressive!

    by the way--she looked none too pleased to have me show up. Didn't say one word to me--which I guess was confusing to my son, because she had been threatening him all afternoon with some message she was going to send me.

    So--I guess I will be a classroom "aide" again today.

  2. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    Ug! We have it in his IEP that the resource teacher will help him pack up his stuff daily. Yet every day something is missing. My husband has started sending daily e-mails to his teacher, ccing the vice principle and principle about what is missing. It has not helped yet. I wish I could take off work to be the aide, but my job won't let it.

    Good Job!
  3. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    We used to have it in our IEP that difficult child was allowed to pack up 5 minutes early and also had help from the resource room teacher. It helped - a little. This was my biggest issue when difficult child was in public school- Missing assignments, forgetting homework, books, papers, etc. I was lucky if I got important notices 2 months after they went out if at all! I emailed, wrote notes, had it placed in her IEP, etc. Nothing ever really helped the way it should. It seems like such a simple task - but it became the bain of my existence!!

  4. DramaQueenLucy

    DramaQueenLucy New Member

    Daisy...good for you! I wish I had time to go do that with difficult child 2 but I am still at work when he is packing to leave. I have asked for a set of books for home as well as getting papers e-mailed to me...well I got the books at home but assinment papers are still not e-mailed. This is something I am gonna have to deal with next year as this school year is almost out :(
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I am just so aggravated that I have to leave my job to go help the teacher do hers!! It would be different if my son were truly out of control, but he's not. He just needs a few simple reminders here and there and he will do what he needs to do.

    So, I guess we will see how it goes....

  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Does he have an IEP? If so, call a meeting. The teacher is giving him zeros to punish him (and you) because she seees this as a behavior problem, evidently. This needs to get straightened out. I had to go thru this with the sd a couple of years with my son and it's always a battle. They need a resource teacher or someone to be doing this stuff. Do they have collaborative classes (that's what they call them here) where there is already an aid in the rooom. She needs to be doing this. I called an IEP meeting and went to it expressing sympathy for the school not having more resources (people) for the teachers and told them I had sent a certified letter to the central sd office (which I really had done) telling them they needed more people because they currently were not able to deliver what my soon't iep had requireed. The school found a way to accommodate him then.

    As far as homework not being turned in, my son's grade were not too bad so we agreed that if he forgot it at home, I would email and let them know he HAD done it and he would not get a zeero. If he really hadn't done it, then he got a zero.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    We also opted for a second set of books for home -

    We got the teacher to post her assignments in advance in an email to all parents for the week -

    THen we left Dude decided if he could remember to play, to call friends to do whatever else - he could remember his stuff for homework. Then we let him suffer the in school suspensions and missed parties from NOT doing homework or remembering his work.

    We also had it written into his IEP that his shadow was to help him remember but not do it for him. Otherwise the psychiatrist at the district felt he would never do it on his own. (quite frustrating)

    You miss enough pizza parties as a kid and you can remember your assignments. Dude is 18 and STILL forgets things (swears on a stack of encyclopedias) he's just ADHD (nice try at an excuse) but can remember things that matter to him. (ugh)

    I don't know if there really IS anything you can do to help him - but for now doing it yourself is causing less stress on you - and that could be the key. (lord lawd......it was for us) but it's a temporary fix. sigh......
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi K--

    Yes, he has an IEP....and everyone seems to be on-board EXCEPT his teacher. Her attitude is causing the problem, and it has been the entire year. She started the school year by claiming that she couldn't make any accomodations for my son, so I had better medicate him. When she was told she MUST accomodate him, she had all kinds of reasons why she could not do what was needed.

    She also manages to turn all of the things we have in place into a "punishment". For example, he is supposed to attend Resource Room every day for assistance with completing his work....and it's usually pretty minor stuff. But the teacher will say "If you don't get your work done you'll have to go to Resource Room instead of Recess!".

    He has a written checklist as a prompt to help him stay organized. But instead of using it as a checklist (eg--Did you do everything on your list?), she makes him go to the principal's office to get the paper signed and she expects him to account to the prinicipal for anything that he forgot to do (such as hang up his jacket).

    This woman infuriates me!

    And whenever she is spoken to by either the Special Education Coordinator or the Principal--things will be great for a few days....and then we slide right back into her baloney.

    So--if showing up at class to remind my son to get his homework spares him from a trip to the Principal's office or a zero for forgetting his book....seems like a small thing to do.

  9. cyncan

    cyncan Guest

    Great job going to the school - boy - I wish I would have done that a few hundred times with SD.

    The teacher sound like she needs to go to the principals office. It sounds like she has some major personal issues.

  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Ok, then it really is the pricipal's responsibility to see to it that this teeacher gets on board and stays there. My guess is that this is why the teacher is always sending stuff to the prinvipal- she's trying to get the principal to see things her way. I think you need to keep the principal seeing what's going on from your end too. If that doesn't work, going above the prinmcipal's head in a discreet way can be very effective. A certified letter to the director of Special Education for your sd can work. If you don't want to start with that, you could play dumb and call the sd's main Special Education dept and ask what to do in a situation like this. See if they ask you the school and details and act like they will look into it.
  11. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    I have found through person experience that most administrators do not want to get certified letters from parents with a little "cc:" at the bottom for your attorney, but it certainly gets things moving in our school district in the Northeast.

    This teacher doesn't seem to understand that an IEP is a legal document, so you have to make the prinicipal understand that you are doing your part and you expect the school to do theirs.

    I agree that you should not have to take time off from work to sit next to your child to remind him to put his assignments in his backpack, but if you get him into the habit now it might become automatic. We can hope, right?

    Perhaps over the summer you can find some ways to work on getting him to take the pause that refreshes and be more responsible. Good luck.
  12. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Call the Student Services Director or the SpEd Director. My daughter didn't have an IEP (3rd grade) and the Student Services Director told me it was perfectly acceptable for me to ask the teachers to prompt difficult child to both bring home and turn in homework. (They did it for a week and then figured she should have it down by then. Sigh...) She also told me it would be acceptable to ask for notes home everyday on how difficult child is doing. This was WITHOUT an IEP.

    The teachers really didn't like that at all. She had 2 teachers in the classroom all day with 24 students and they kept telling me they didn't have time. A call from the Student Services Director put a stop to that.