Update-Sweet Betsy

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MrsMcNear50, Nov 10, 2010.

  1. MrsMcNear50

    MrsMcNear50 New Member

    Hi All-

    Thought I'd pop in and give ya all an update. I always appriciate your concern and feedback...it helps to keep me strong.

    2 months ago I moved out of my apt., and in with a friend. SB had been camped at my house for about 6 weeks without any forward movement. I must say, the move was in my best interest, as she can't come crash with me now. That is good.

    Since then, SB has been couch surfing. Currently living with 3 herion addicts, I have suspicion that she is smoking and snorting it. Thank God she is terrified of needles, as she hasn't gone there yet, however, I realize the possiblility that she still may.

    I have been picking her up on Sundays, we go to church, visit with her dad and sister, then I take her home. For me, I have to still be her mother, somehow. I've been buying her a few groceries from time to time and personal hygeine products. Other than that, I've left her be.

    Last weekend, I let her stay the nite. She seemed really depressed, lonely. We had a lovely day and evening. I went to bed, purse by my side. It wasn't until three days later that I realized she had stolen all my vicodin, I have a broken toe. I was ****** that I was stupid enough to leave it where she could find it....my bad, but close to $50 bucks for her if she sold them....

    I went to drop off her shoes a couple days later and see what she had to say. The same ole defenses...I have nothing, I need money. She is living within walking distance of a major shopping area, but has yet to apply for any jobs. She point blank told me, Mom, I guess I just don't want it bad enough...... UGH!

    So I am back in detachment mode. I will wait for the next big drama, there always is, and I will not answer my phone or her texts. I still look at her and wonder, why did my highly intelligent child chose this kind of life? Maybe I'll never know. But I do know that this is a CHOICE.

    My heart is still broken. My spirit is not. I do fully understand that there is not another thing I can do, another thing I can say. I continue to lift her up in prayer and depend on the good Lord to work it out.

    Prayers would be appriciated as always. Love you guys.


  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Julie, I'm so sorry. Many, many hugs and prayers going out. Hope your toe heals quickly, too.
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Julie, I'm sorry that all your parenting, support and hard work haven't made SB get out of this rut.
    "If you always do, what you always did, you always get what you always got". She isn't ready to change but you
    sound really strong and healthy. Hugs.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry. It really hurts when our kids do this stuff. I will keep praying that SB comes to her senses some day soon.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I know how it's got to hurt.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Big hugs, Julie.
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    So sorry Betsy isn't clean and seemingly has no desire to be at this time. You are correct in detaching from the chaos and taking care of you. -RM
  9. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hey Julie,

    Thanks for the update. I think about you and SB quite often, and hope the best for you both. Sounds like you've been able to find that fine line, parental balancing act that none of us hope we have to continue into our childrens 20's....but must achieve in order to survive not having a stroke, nervous breakdown or miserable quality of life for ourself. If we're not able to stay strong? When our kids DO need a level head, and we're not that way, we miss out on that opportunity too, and I think we've already missed out on so much. Plus setting an example even during stressful situations speaks well to our character as an adult. The things I didn't know, the behaviors I couldn't exhibit when Dude was falling apart as a younger child? I CAN certainly and have certainly accomplished as an adult and will continue to model. Plus? I think I've learned to lean on a higher power - a lot more and realize I'm not able to do it alone, nor do I have to. Kinda takes all the- no one understands - out of it for me. Keep on keeping on there you tougher than nails kid. I hear ya. I'm here for ya too. I would also tell you that for the next 5 years if you ever have SB over for a sleep over - lock up your money, purse and valuables. Don't care if you have been able to trust her for 4.5 years.......do it for yourself. If she's humble about it? She would never say a word.

    Hugs & love
  11. MrsMcNear50

    MrsMcNear50 New Member

    Thanks guys. It's comforting to know that you all care.

    I got a call last nite from SB. She was crying, said she wanted to die. Said she been shooting herion and just didn't want to go on. My heart just about stopped. This is the call I've been dreading.

    I gave her the number to the crisis hotline. I told her that after she talked to them, to call me back. Of course they advised she go to the nearest ER, I offered to take her....No mom. If someone would just come smoke some pot with me, I'll be ok. UGGGGHHHHHH! I told her my standard line these days, I love you SB. When you really want help, call me. I love you. I turned off the phone and went to bed.

    I'm so doing my best to stay strong. To not enable, to not rescue. But I'm telling you, my heart is in a million pieces. I'm overwhelmed. I'm ready to scream, cry and beat the **** outta someone. My mommy heart can't take anymore. I haven't seen Lincoln in over a year, with his dad making no plans to come visit any time soon. And of course, no one in my world can even fathom how this feels. I'm scared to death I'm gonna lose my sweet daughter.

    So guys, keep up the good thoughts and prayers, for both of us. I'll keep ya posted.

    Blessings to All,

  12. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    My heart is aching for you.....I know exactly how you feel. ((((HUGS)))))
  13. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry, what an utterly terrifying call to receive. My heart would be broken, as well.
  14. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm so sorry.
    (And I totally 'get' it when you say that no one in 'your world' would understand what you are experiencing right now, although most of us here at this website would....(((((hugs))))))))
    I'm glad she has the number to the crisis hotline.
    Would she consider going to NA at any point? They might have some good input.
    Have you been to Al Anon, Families Anonymous or any similar meetings for yourself?
    You are strong, but this is profoundly hard. Be sure to seek therapy for yourself if you find this overwhelming.
    Good thoughts and prayers headed your way....as per your request.