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Update: The waters of de Nile are calm.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 655160" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I know. I feel tension about my son as well. The way I work to handle that is to keep a lot of physical distance between us. We may text or call a couple of times a week. We see each other infrequently, average once every two to three weeks. That "pace" is good for me, and I believe it's good for him. I don't want to know the daily details of his life. When I do know them, I engage, even mentally, too much. </p><p></p><p>My husband and I were talking about the whole spectrum of this challenge this weekend. He drew two boxes. One was smaller and one was bigger. The smaller one is my oldest son who is doing "all the right things." The bigger box is my younger son, who is doing better. The size of the box is my focus on each one of them. I am working hard to reduce the size of the box of my younger son---who will be 26 in July. It is what it is. He is who he is. Life is what it is. I'm talking to myself here, you see. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, maybe they are and maybe they aren't. But, that isn't the point. He is who he is (see above). He is going to do what he is going to do. It's going to be ups and downs, like you and me. It's not going to be in a straight line and no switch is going to be flipped one day, and then...all is well. I used to think that Lil. I spent every single day waiting for that switch to be flipped until I finally realized that was never going to happen. It took me a long time.</p><p></p><p>The keeping yourself grounded part...ah...now...that is the most important part. You are the most important thing. Not him...You. You are 51% and he is 49%. You have one life to live and this is it. What will you and I make of our lives today?</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Yes, I know you have a crossroads ahead. What will happen? Who knows? Will it be "all pretty?" Probably not. At the right time, write down what you want to happen---on your side of the street. Not his. What do you want to say? What do you want to do? Write it down, print it out, put it in your purse.</p><p></p><p>Refer to it. Whip it out when the time comes. Remember that you made a plan when your mind was clearer. Do your best to stick to that plan, regardless of what else happens.</p><p></p><p>You're making real progress Lil. Pat yourself on the back today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 655160, member: 17542"] I know. I feel tension about my son as well. The way I work to handle that is to keep a lot of physical distance between us. We may text or call a couple of times a week. We see each other infrequently, average once every two to three weeks. That "pace" is good for me, and I believe it's good for him. I don't want to know the daily details of his life. When I do know them, I engage, even mentally, too much. My husband and I were talking about the whole spectrum of this challenge this weekend. He drew two boxes. One was smaller and one was bigger. The smaller one is my oldest son who is doing "all the right things." The bigger box is my younger son, who is doing better. The size of the box is my focus on each one of them. I am working hard to reduce the size of the box of my younger son---who will be 26 in July. It is what it is. He is who he is. Life is what it is. I'm talking to myself here, you see. Well, maybe they are and maybe they aren't. But, that isn't the point. He is who he is (see above). He is going to do what he is going to do. It's going to be ups and downs, like you and me. It's not going to be in a straight line and no switch is going to be flipped one day, and then...all is well. I used to think that Lil. I spent every single day waiting for that switch to be flipped until I finally realized that was never going to happen. It took me a long time. The keeping yourself grounded part...ah...now...that is the most important part. You are the most important thing. Not him...You. You are 51% and he is 49%. You have one life to live and this is it. What will you and I make of our lives today? Hang in there. Yes, I know you have a crossroads ahead. What will happen? Who knows? Will it be "all pretty?" Probably not. At the right time, write down what you want to happen---on your side of the street. Not his. What do you want to say? What do you want to do? Write it down, print it out, put it in your purse. Refer to it. Whip it out when the time comes. Remember that you made a plan when your mind was clearer. Do your best to stick to that plan, regardless of what else happens. You're making real progress Lil. Pat yourself on the back today. [/QUOTE]
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