Update to my son who went to rehab after 11 day jail time

[lovemyson1]

Hello dear people. I wanted to check in with you all and give you an update to my 20 year old son. After being arrested and serving 11 days in jail with felony charges of stealing, being dropped to misdemeanor and probation with mandatory 6 months drug rehab, today he goes to a Sober Living Environment for the remainding 5 months. I'm extremely nervous because he will have his cell phone back and his car. He has been doing so well and sharing his feelings like never before. He takes responsiblity and accountability which he never did before. Everything he says seems perfect but I know he can be manipulative. Of course if he messes up, he will break probation and go back to jail and he does not want that at all. He is on top of everything as to not get in any trouble. The SLE requires 4 meetings per week, random drug testing & curfew and for him to have sponsor who signs off weekly. That gives me some assurance but I can't help but worry. We finally have our son sober, it's been 47 days! He's full of life & energy, gained 10 pounds and motivated for life!! Is there any advice you may have for his father and I to help him in this sobriety, temptations, etc... God I hope this is his opportunity to turn his life around for good! Thank you loves...

 

[toughlovin]

My big advice, is if you havent gone already is to find a good alanon meeting, hopefully one for parents. This is his journey now and all you can do is to let him know you love him and support him in his sobriety.... but his sobriety is not your responsibility at all. And in fact if you make it so, you take something away from him. He needs to find his own way... and yes it is hard for you because it is natural to worry he wont stay sober. Hopefully he will. Sounds like he has taken some really good steps.

TL


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[Childofmine]

Lms1...I am so glad your son is on a good path today. I agree with TL...start going to alanon and keep going. Alanon will give you strength and hope as you live each day hoping for the best for your son. Alanon will help you learn to live one day at a time and truly begin to lean into the reality of life---we have no control over people, places and things. We never did.

And there are no guarantees. I pray that your son continues on the good path he is on today but lms1 I am learning that none of us can sustain 100 percent forward movement all the time. We fall back and we make mistakes. We are human.

In order to deal with these realities surrounding your precious son who has already put you through so much, you are going to need help living with this kind of uncertainty.

It is not possible to do it On your own because it is just too hard.

You have only this day of your own life. You deserve happiness and peace regardless of what your son does or does not do today, tomorrow or the next day. It is possible to have peace, serenity, contentment and joy in the midst of unrelenting uncertainty. I wish this for you. Warm hugs. We are glad you are here.

 

[Nancy]

I'll tell you what we were told when our difficult child left treatment and entered aftercare. Youcannot control them, you are not in charge of their recovery. Set your boundaries and make them clear to him. He follows the program or he will be kicked out of sober living and will not be coming back home. Let him know you will be there for him as long as he is doing the next right thing. We told our daughter that we would never go back to the way things were so it was up to her to keep moving forward.

And do find a support group. Good luck, I am crossingmy fingers for your son. Relapse is a real possibility, do not let it destroy you, he needs to get back up and start again.

 

[lovemyson1]

but his sobriety is not your responsibility at all. And in fact if you make it so, you take something away from him. He needs to find his own way... and yes it is hard for you because it is natural to worry he wont stay sober.

Thank you all for responding! The above quote really spoke to me and made me think. I really need to do this and it's super hard but I will and I appreciate your words of wisdom!

It's been 5 days and he's doing very well. He comes to our home every day early and goes to the gym, does yard work for his dad, eats everything in sight..lol! I will definitely look into Alanon meetings, infact my son even told me to. He told me I am sort of a co-dependent!! I don't think so, but maybe.. I hate confrontation and just want him to do right. His father is super thrilled to have his son back, infact today they went to the gym and now going to the movies, I'm so happy for my husband cus this has torn him up. Tomorrow my son starts another program that is from 9am-3pm mon-fri and family meetings on Saturday. He has a sponsor and attends evening meetings too. He really wants to change his life and he has avoided his friends, I just worry that eventually his loneliness for friends will take over and he might slip up. But I see what you all are saying, I have no control and it is his journey. It's pretty sad that he doesn't even have one good friend that is sober to come hang out with him, such a shame!

I will keep in touch and hopefully continue happy news.. but I'm trying to be realistic too, I am. Thank you all and I pray for all of us, this is the hardest thing to go through, it breaks my heart for anyone that experiences it!

 

[Nancy]

I'm thrilled to hear this update. He will make a whole lot more sober friends who will help him stay in the program.

 

[lovemyson1]

Thanks Nancy, me too! He actually seems pretty connected to his Sponsor and they've been driving together for meetings.